DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I just held a destination wedding in Europe. We’re quite international, so friends and family flew in from across the globe.

We had regularly communicated how to use our wedding website for the schedule and other information, which also had a very clear registry tab with cash funds and physical gifts. We prefaced the registry by saying, “Your presence is enough, but if you would like to provide a gift, below are some experiences and items we’d love.”

Of the 100 attending, perhaps only 20% contributed in any fashion. (Some invitees who could not attend contributed, too.)

My wife and I were shocked at how few guests gave a gift, as our outlook would be to never attend a wedding without providing a congratulatory gift. Even for a destination wedding, the symbolism of helping the couple start the next chapter seems appropriate to us.

Are we off base for expecting more?

GENTLE READER: Oh, yes. You are expecting them not to believe that their presence -- having flown in from around the globe -- is enough, even though you told them it was.

Mind you, Miss Manners is not saying that travel expenses are sufficient payment for destination weddings. Rather, she is saying that it is unseemly to expect any payment from guests at any wedding. Your pretending that you do not expect anything, while declaring what you want to receive, is not fooling anyone.

As you made that statement about presence being enough, you should try to live up to it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a large indoor/outdoor music festival. Many concertgoers understandably wear huge hats for shade at the outdoor stages. However, they often keep their hats on at the indoor sit-down stages, too.

At one show, someone at an indoor stage sat down directly in front of me and did not remove their huge hat. My view of the stage was completely blocked. There was no other seat in the house for me to move to.

Would it have been OK for me to tap them on the shoulder and politely ask them to remove their hat? My assumption is that it simply did not occur to them they were blocking someone’s view and would gladly have removed their hat if reminded.

GENTLE READER: Funny, that is exactly the way it is supposed to work: You presumed that the person was unaware that they were inconveniencing you, and you could have called this to their attention politely and quietly, without any hint of accusation -- believing that they would be grateful to be told of an inadvertent transgression that could be easily corrected.

It is called Presumption of Goodwill.

And it has practically disappeared from public behavior.

Miss Manners is sad to have to tell you that it would be far more common, nowadays, for the complaint to be worded as an insult, and the reaction to be a declaration of the offender’s right to offend. When everyone is spoiling for a fight, the result is an unpleasant public.

Miss Manners wishes you had risked making a polite request. You might have received a polite response -- and you would have been able to see the stage.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in an office where my duties include taking phone calls from customers. Over the last couple of years, I have noticed that more and more people are using speakerphone to conduct calls with us.

For some people, this is a very useful tool. For example, for the last few months my aunt was alive, she didn’t have the strength to hold a phone anymore. But for most people, the speakerphone is a convenience rather than a necessity.

The problem that my co-workers and I experience is that sound is amplified a great deal when using a speakerphone. Someone setting a pan on the counter sounds like someone slamming a pan down instead. A dog walking into a room sounds like a herd of elephants. A door being closed sounds like it is being slammed.

This background noise often makes conversation difficult: It drowns out the person we are speaking to, and we often have to repeat ourselves or ask them to repeat themselves. Also, a full day of repeated calls like this will often give us headaches.

Do you have a humorous response to someone using a speakerphone to indicate that it is interfering with our ability to conduct business?

GENTLE READER: You did not mention your line of work, but “May I interest you in some headphones?” comes to mind.

In lieu of that, Miss Manners suggests you tell your customers conspiratorially that they may want to locate a pair so that they are not overheard by others. Although they may then be distracted by wondering what about your conversation is secret.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a 28-year-old woman in a middle-management position. I catch myself referring to my team as “guys,” though they’re not all male, such as “Morning, guys” or “I was talking to the guys earlier.”

I worry this could be offensive and want to break the habit. Any advice?

GENTLE READER: Try harder. Miss Manners assures you it will be worth it to stop annoying your female colleagues.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife clips her fingernails in various places, including in the car. The locations I want to ask about are the dining room table and the kitchen island.

Though she tries to be careful and does not clip at mealtime or food preparation time, periodically I will find the odd clipping that got away.

Is her habit OK? If so, I will not bother to broach the subject.

GENTLE READER: If it is not OK with you, then it is not OK. Just be sure that you tell your wife politely.

Miss Manners is curious why your wife seems to have picked every location except the bathroom to trim her nails.

No doubt you have suggested it, but perhaps it is worth mentioning again -- along with a present of a tiny brush and dustpan. Because even in the bathroom, nail clippings are unsightly. And distinctively painful when stepped on.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was in a store the other day and wanted to catch the attention of a worker who was down the aisle from me and walking away. I could not tell, from a distance, what gender the employee was, and running down the crowded aisle in order to see them face-to-face was impractical.

Before I became aware of the pain caused by misgendering people, I probably would’ve just called out, “Excuse me, sir?” (Or ma’am, or miss, depending on my best guess.) Now I want to do better, but there seems to be no way to call out to someone whose gender is unknown. “Excuse me, person?” or “friend?” Both sound absurd.

Is there a gender-neutral way to get the attention of somebody in the service industry?

GENTLE READER: Just “excuse me” is fine. As these workers are in the service industry, they are already on alert that their help may be required. Miss Manners suggests you simply repeat as necessary.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a small house, and my adult son asked me to host his son’s birthday party. He invited 14 guests, not including several young children. It was a bit chaotic, but still, conversations could be heard.

When my sister and her husband arrived, she quickly grabbed the television remote and put on sports. I was extremely annoyed but chose not to create a scene. When it was time for the birthday cake, I asked her to turn the TV off.

As soon as the cake was served, her husband quickly turned the TV on again. Your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: Hide the remote next time.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I enjoy an old-fashioned, which are typically served in rocks glasses. At a bar we frequent, they use one oversized cube of ice, rather than a scoop of crushed ice, to chill the beverage.

What is the etiquette for enjoying the last sips of your drink without that giant ice cube sliding down and bonking you on the nose?

GENTLE READER: Place a subtle forefinger on the offending cube, whilst clasping the rest of the glass with the thumb and middle. Miss Manners cannot entirely guarantee, however, that your finger will not bonk your nose instead -- particularly after the second or third old-fashioned.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I often receive gifts that creep me out -- namely, gnomes and figurines. I just donate said items to a local thrift store. Is there any non-rude way to say you do not care for certain gifts?

Being a polite person, I am sure that I expressed my thanks when I received these things the first time. But now, years later, I am still creeped out, and I still receive them. My friends have never seen any of the items they gave me displayed in my home.

Sometimes expressing thanks for an unwanted item just brings on more.

GENTLE READER: And yet one must. But you may take comfort in knowing that someone, somewhere, is building a well-loved collection of creepy trinkets. Miss Manners suggests you continue to feign gratitude on their behalf, if not your own.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)