DEAR MISS MANNERS: My last name is a very common American first name. My first name, while standard, is not so common. For the purposes of this question, I’ll call myself Whitney Joseph.

I go by my first name, Whitney. I have always introduced myself that way. But all my life, there have been people who seem unable to address me as Whitney and instead call me Joseph, or some variation like Joe.

I work for a large corporation and my job involves a lot of emails. My email signature reads “Whitney Joseph,” and I always end my emails with “Best regards, Whitney.” Yet people still address me in emails as Joseph. I usually say nothing and figure they will eventually catch on (many do). But sometimes, I am annoyed by this and want to say something.

What do I say? And how do I say it in a way that does not violate my employer’s code of polite email communication?

GENTLE READER: “It’s Whitney, actually. I know it can be confusing.”

How sad that your employer had to make a conduct code about polite emails. That you are now in fear of violating it, however, tells Miss Manners why it was necessary.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Wouldn’t it be the choice of the bride and groom as to whether they invite children to their wedding?

I have attended many weddings where children under the age of 18 were not invited. Our son and his bride planned a small wedding (around 80 people) and requested no children in attendance, with the exception of the two in the wedding party. Even those two would be leaving after the ceremony to be watched by a sitter, whom the couple had hired to watch the children of the families invited.

Family members with questions about why such-and-such adults were invited, and not their little darlings, were addressed beforehand. All seemed well, and everyone agreed to comply.

Or so we thought! One couple showed up with their children in tow: the very aunt and uncle who had been questioning the no-kids policy just days prior.

The wedding planner kindly asked them if they would take their children to the sitter provided. They adamantly refused and made a huge scene. Not wanting to cause any more of an upset, we moved forward with the wedding.

Was it too much of us to expect respect for the couple's wishes? Or was it rude of them to bring their children?

GENTLE READER: Child-free weddings, especially ones that are out of town, do indeed make it difficult for families with young offspring. But as the rules of this wedding were clear and consistent, and a sitter was provided, Miss Manners agrees that your relatives were rude to bring them anyway.

And certainly to cause a scene -- especially since avoiding public tantrums was undoubtedly the idea behind excluding children in the first place.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have worked retail and customer service jobs for about 20 years. Whenever an item is not scanning, out comes the old joke that if it doesn't scan, it’s free.

I just looked at a customer and informed him that even on my very first day of retail, that joke has never been funny. He then told me I do not have a sense of humor.

Why, WHY do people think jokes like that are funny? They really are not. And some people, instead of joking, are even being serious! If the item doesn’t scan, rather than try and get a price for the item, they want the cashier to just give it to them! No matter how much it might cost!

Why do people think either of these is OK? What is going through their minds? I certainly have no clue.

GENTLE READER: Deep breaths. Clearly, the customer is not always right, or amusing, but there is another retail maxim that applies here, which is not to take out one’s frustrations (with the scanner, in this case) on the customer.

Miss Manners will agree with you that even on Day 1, this was not very funny. But it had (and, for the customer, still has) some slight newness that could pass for banter, or at least lightness of tone. More deep breaths.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: So, three couples will share a luxurious house for two weeks on vacation out of the country. Everyone has paid their one-third share. The couples are close friends. All are financially secure.

At the last minute, one couple gets COVID. If the ill couple travels, they will expose their friends and the other airline passengers to COVID. The other two couples go and enjoy the beautiful resort house.

No one has travel insurance. Legally, the sick couple is not entitled to any refund for the rental. Due to the close friendship and personal generosity, should this couple get some compensation from their friends? I believe a partial reimbursement would be the best policy. Do you agree?

GENTLE READER: It troubles Miss Manners to reduce the etiquette of what happened to a financial transaction. You say that none of the couples are in financial need, so there is no need for a refund. But if money is to change hands, someone is going to have to raise the subject.

Miss Manners would not object to the healthy couples voluntarily offering the sick couple a refund -- although a more natural topic of conversation would be to ask how their friends are feeling and whether there is anything they can do to aid in their recovery.

As to the sick couple, why would the money be foremost in their minds? Do they feel in some way put-upon -- either because they were unable to get their money back, or because they had to miss their flight to protect the health of others? If so, this is a feeling best kept to themselves, lest it diminish our otherwise natural sympathy for them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a longtime employee of a company that has offered additional work-from-home days to IT workers willing to exchange their spacious and private offices for a desk in a shared room when working on-site. To skip the commute for an additional two days per week, I took advantage of this offer and gave up my office.

What do I say or do, if anything, in response to the inevitable feelings of resentment from employees to whom this tradeoff has not been offered? How do I best respond in a firm but polite way to comments like, “I’m not sure what your schedule is, now that you’re home” or "I’m not sure how to schedule a meeting with you”?

To avoid confusion, I’m always clear about when I’ll be working remotely and when I’ll be at the office in person.

GENTLE READER: As this is your job, Miss Manners advises being businesslike. Answer the question, not the subtext: “Here is where you can find my schedule and here is how to schedule a meeting with me.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've never heard of "influencers" and don’t know the names of any of them. Who are they influencing and why should I care?

GENTLE READER: Indeed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was raised by parents who said that there is a right way to hold a fork, and never to speak with your mouth full. I am married to a man who holds his fork in his fist and who talks at the dinner table with food in his mouth.

He also will pause midsentence, put food in his mouth, and then complete what he was saying. I can live with the fork in the fist, but how do I deal with the mouthful of food?

A lecture on table manners seems pedantic, and asking him to stop each time it happens is awkward (and doesn’t seem to have a lasting impact). And just watching him silently has an adverse influence on both my enjoyment of our meal and of his company. Should I just look away?

GENTLE READER: It puzzles Miss Manners that she receives more questions like yours from wives than from girlfriends (or from husbands rather than boyfriends -- the issue is not gender-specific).

As even elopements take time to plan, why is this just coming up now? It is so much easier to ask a new partner to make this small modification to their behavior for you -- you realize it is probably silly, but it bothers you, and you would be ever so grateful, etc.

Miss Manners does not say you cannot try it after the honeymoon is a distant memory, but she doubts it will be as charming -- or as likely to succeed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)