DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is an appropriate and polite response to a compliment that I know is disingenuous? And upon receiving such a compliment, am I required to return one that is equally disingenuous?

I ask because someone I know invariably compliments me on something I’m wearing, my hair, etc. I’m not a stylish person and my hair tends to be a mess. Her compliments have the consequence of making me feel self-conscious, looked-over and, ultimately, lied to.

GENTLE READER: The safe answer is, of course, “Thank you,” which Miss Manners points out can be delivered in a way that subtly undercuts the literal words.

Mind you, she does not recommend such an approach. The point about ambiguously delivered compliments is that they are ambiguous -- and can be misread. Better to return genuine thanks to someone who appreciates messy hair than to insult someone who does not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I have a new home, which is an exciting milestone. When we attended a dinner with my brother, his wife and her parents, the latter spent nearly half of the evening’s conversation asking when they would be invited over to see the house. They also took my phone hostage to see photos of the house.

It was way beyond polite conversational interest in our new home. They are generally nice people, but their persistence at trying to get inside our house is uncomfortable.

How do we politely deter their attempts to invite themselves over, just so they can poke around every room and closet? We may eventually have them over, but I want it to be on our terms and not because they wore us down.

GENTLE READER: “We’ll let you know” puts the initiative back where it belongs. But Miss Manners suggests that next time, you do not have your cellphone available during dinner.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have had a primary care physician for many years, but I never really liked his style. I am relatively healthy, so it never mattered much.

But now I am retirement-aged. When I was sick recently and asked for a same-day appointment, my usual doctor was out, so I was seen by a different doctor. I really, really appreciated her approach and her commonsense advice!

I’d like to switch doctors, but I wonder if I owe my longtime doctor an explanation, or perhaps a “thank you” for our years together. I also worry I will cause a problem for this new doctor, as they are in the same practice.

How shall I handle this? I never run into either doctor outside of office visits, so I would not run the risk of an awkward encounter.

GENTLE READER: Do you not also worry that your old doctor will think that his patients and his new partner are conspiring behind his back?

Miss Manners mentions this not because you are, but because you should be. Explain the situation to the new doctor, not the old one, and elicit her assistance. Between you, it should be possible to concoct a reason for the switch that is reasonably accurate but, more importantly, will assuage any hurt feelings. Then, when you break the news, you should indeed thank the old doctor for his long service.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This happened to my husband at the grocery store: It was raining, and a row of dripping-wet shopping carts stood in an area near the door. Customers could take a cart, then use the paper towels that were helpfully left there to dry them off before entering the store.

My husband dried his cart, but before he had a chance to wheel it inside, a woman (dare I call her “Karen”?) entered the area, snatched the cart away from him, and said a breezy “Thanks” while taking it inside to do her own shopping.

Husband said he was so shocked he didn’t say a word, just took another cart to dry for his own use.

When he told me about this later, I shared Husband’s shock at Karen’s brazen cheekiness. Of course she was right to thank him, but she also seemed quite presumptuous to simply grab a cart he’d dried off. We wondered what you think. Was this an opportunity to correct Karen’s behavior? And if so, how? Or should he have just turned the other cheek, as he did?

By the way, I think Husband is great to do the shopping. And if that lady had the manners to ask first, I am certain he would have just given her the dried-off cart.

GENTLE READER: No, don’t you dare call her Karen. If we are to consider manners, consider how rude it is to use a respectable name, which graces many innocent people, as an insult.

But you can call her rude.

There is a glaring gender problem here: While deference to a lady in such a situation is not required, it is often presumed. Miss Manners commends your husband for resisting the temptation to respond rudely.

She does not necessarily commend him for buying groceries, however, as he presumably consumes them just as much as you do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In casual conversations -- as with librarians, cashiers or other people who are helping me, but whose names I do not know -- I will say things like, “Yes, ma’am,” and “Thank you, sir.”

In situations where it is not easy to discern which form may be appropriate (or whether either would be welcome), I find myself simply saying, “Yes” or “Thank you.” This doesn’t feel polite, but I don’t want to address someone in an unwelcome way.

Does Miss Manners have a non-gender-specific form of address that shows respect without the risk of causing offense?

GENTLE READER: Didn’t there used to be an expression, “Sir or Madam, as the case may be”? How about reviving it, or coming up with something similar?

Maybe not. As long as you keep “please” and “thank you,” Miss Manners will let you skip the titles in cases of doubt.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sweet husband has severe foot issues and absolutely cannot walk without his custom orthotics inserted into his shoes. Every once in a while, we are invited to friends’ houses who ask that shoes not be worn inside.

My husband cannot accommodate this request. Do we decline these invitations? Do we call first and explain our situation? Perhaps you have another suggestion.

GENTLE READER: Unless your hosts have a baby who licks the floor, in which case they should be dealing with that problem, Miss Manners believes they should be able to accommodate this reasonable request.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a retired physician from an academic medical center, and I continue to teach interested residents. I led a weekly seminar for senior residents last year. They worked very hard, and at the end of the year, my wife and I invited them to a reception at our home. The invitations included an RSVP.

Very few responded, but they all showed up!

I asked them why they had not responded, and the majority of these highly educated fifth-year residents -- who have all completed college and four years of medical school -- did not know the meaning of "RSVP"!

GENTLE READER: The fact that colleges, medical schools and medical residencies do not teach “RSVP” does not surprise Miss Manners. But surely they should teach students the obligation to answer questions, including ones such as “Would you like to come to a reception?”

Or perhaps they should not accept candidates who lack the common sense to figure that out on their own.

That said, she confesses to a dislike for the term "RSVP" -- especially when it is used as a noun or verb, and when it is rendered in capital letters instead of, properly, “R.s.v.p.”

Why are we using a French acronym? Why can’t we just say “Please respond”? Perhaps then, your students would have understood.

Whether they would have answered is another matter.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Even though compression socks are uncomfortable, I wear them when flying to prevent medical issues. Putting them on at home before I leave for the airport adds at least three hours of discomfort.

What is the least objectionable or rude way to put them on to reduce the amount of time I have to wear them? While seated at the terminal, partially shielded by my carry-on bag? After I’ve been seated on the airplane?

GENTLE READER: The idea here is to avoid exposing your bare feet near anyone’s face. Sweet they may be, but strangers tend to believe otherwise.

Therefore, the terminal is a better choice. But if you plan to wear thin socks under the others, Miss Manners will allow you a bit more time in comfort. Or a lot more, if your plane is late.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My adult brother asked my husband (a lawyer) and me (a professional writer) to “take a look at” a business letter he planned on sending. We both assumed he was asking for editing advice, and we proposed a radical rewrite. My husband dealt with the letter's legal aspects, and I addressed its tone and approach.

My brother responded coldly to our proposed changes. His response was along the lines of “You have your style and I have mine.” We obviously hurt his feelings, and in hindsight, I wish we had simply rubber-stamped the project.

What would have been the appropriate way to handle this situation? And should we now apologize? He hasn’t spoken to us since, but he may just be busy.

GENTLE READER: No, he is sulking. Miss Manners has learned that “Tell me your honest opinion” is seldom an honest request.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)