DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m engaged and have a larger-than-average diamond. There have been several awkward encounters where people want to know the specs of my stone: In particular, they ask, “Is it a lab stone?”

I just don’t feel comfortable answering this. So many people judge you negatively for whatever answer you give. If you say yes, you’ve got a “fake” diamond and are a cheapskate. If you say no, then they ask why you spent so much. There’s no winning!

I just don’t want people prying into my financial decisions! How do I sidestep the awkward question altogether?

GENTLE READER: “I have no idea. I’m a bride, not a jeweler. I’m glad you like it.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I spent more than 50 years with the most beautiful, wonderful woman I have ever known. She passed away about 18 months ago. I wear my wedding ring and plan to continue to do so.

Several women have suggested I wear it on my right hand or not wear it at all -- usually adding that it’s time I started dating. I have no desire to do so.

How long is it appropriate to wear a wedding ring after a spouse dies? And do you have a suggestion for how I could respond to these comments? I don’t wish to sound rude.

GENTLE READER: Those must be the same women who keep telling brokenhearted widows that they are no longer “entitled” to wear their wedding rings. But oddly enough, they don’t go on to encourage the widows to date.

The answer to how long bereaved spouses can wear wedding rings is: as long as they please. It is no one else’s business.

And the answer to why you do not date is: You do not want to. If you want to put a stop to this annoyance, Miss Manners will allow you to add, “I haven’t met anyone yet whom I want to date.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I receive several invitations a year to events held by organizations to which we donate. These events are either one-on-one lunches or cocktail party-type events in recognition of the organization’s accomplishments over the past year. They are also held in recognition of major donors, which we are not.

I have zero interest in attending such events. I intensely dislike dressing up, socializing with people I don’t know (and don't wish to know), and giving up an entire evening. My partner enjoys it even less.

I realize the organizations' goal is to create a more personal relationship with us, but we are not interested. I have become rather a hausfrau since COVID, and while I get out to some social events, two or three per month is my limit.

You’d think after years of declining, they’d get the hint, but I keep getting personalized emails or phone calls to attend. Can I just admit I dislike dressing up and socializing, and request no such further invitations?

GENTLE READER: No, because they might start asking you to non-dressy events.

Miss Manners would think that saying, “We’re happy to donate, but please take us off your social list” would work, if they are paying attention. Surely it would be a relief to the organization to have fewer people to entertain.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have noticed that many restaurant servers take orders without writing them down. This includes orders with several exceptions, such as “no cheese, dressing on the side, veggies instead of fries,” etc.

This tends to make my husband and me nervous. The orders usually come out just right, but nonetheless, we await our meals with some anxiety.

When an order comes out wrong, and it had not been written down, would we be within our rights to withhold a tip (or at least to significantly reduce it)? I think it might be rude to ask a server to write down the order if he or she doesn’t want to.

GENTLE READER: Why are you looking for trouble? And ruining your meals by waiting in fear, especially when your servers often get it right?

Miss Manners supposes you can be inwardly righteous if they are wrong, but she urges you not to withhold a tip. Mistakes happen and can easily be made even when the order is fully and accurately transcribed. It is how the restaurant and server handle the situation that is the true indicator of good service, not the mistake itself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I do not speak the same native language. As he is very close to his large family, he spends a lot of time talking on the phone to them in his language.

As our marriage progresses, I am learning his language -- an endeavor he knows about and supports. In the beginning, he rightly assumed that I didn’t understand anything he said in his phone conversations. However, as I learn, I pick up bits and pieces.

I don’t know if I should assume he knows that I understand some of his conversations now, or if not, if I should tell him. As for the people he is talking to, do I have an obligation to let them know I am around? Or is that up to my husband?

GENTLE READER: When someone is on the telephone (or on any other one-sided technology), the polite thing for others in the room to do is pretend that they do not hear -- even if the conceit is comically transparent. That you previously did not understand what was being said on your husband’s calls made this ruse that much easier.

Your only obligation to your husband is to warn him that you now understand much of what he is saying. Miss Manners is not suggesting that your husband is deliberately keeping anything from you -- only that it would be jarring for him to have you ask, “What did you mean when you said we weren’t sure if we were going to the Bahamas this winter? I thought we had decided.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have two amazing girls who are 4 years old and 18 months old. For the most part, they are really good eaters for me when we’re at home or at restaurants.

But I have found that when we’re at Nana and Papa’s house, they are pickier eaters -- to the point that I have to feed them a second supper when we get home.

Should I start bringing foods I know they’ll eat, just in case? I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but I also want my kids to eat well at other people’s houses. I am aware of the menu ahead of time, but it’s so hard to know when my kids are going to object to certain foods.

GENTLE READER: Which is why you should not encourage this.

Children’s tastes change all the time. Who is to say that they will not soon develop a taste for Nana’s kreplach or Papa’s liverwurst sandwiches?

If you have to feed them a few second suppers while they are young, Miss Manners suggests you do so. But as they get older, they may start to weigh the relative merits of trying something new versus being hungry.

Maybe they will never love organ meat, but the lesson to be polite and graciously accept what is being offered -- or to politely decline -- is far more important.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son married his live-in girlfriend of 10 years at a destination wedding at an expensive resort in the Dominican Republic with about 40 people, mostly from our family. Then they came home and had a hotel reception, with dinner and dancing, for about 200 people. Everyone who went to the Dominican festivities also came to the reception and gave gifts or cash.

Two months later, the couple separated and are planning a divorce. Should they be returning gifts? And should they apologize to guests -- especially those who went to both wedding events?

Many of the reception guests were our friends, colleagues and relatives, and they didn’t know the couple well. My brother has “joked” that he wants his $3,000 for the trip back.

GENTLE READER: The requirement to return wedding presents is generally reserved for canceled weddings, not divorces, even though this timeline feels similar.

But those who willingly went to the destination wedding knew what they were getting themselves into -- and presumably still enjoyed a vacation, even if it was somewhat forced upon them.

As for apologies, there is no need. Surely your brother and the other guests must realize that no one is suffering the irony and cost more than the couple -- except perhaps you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Without sounding harsh or dictatorial, how do I gently tell a friend of mine to stop using “reply all”? If I email, say, six people, my friend’s “reply all” message is either inconsequential or of zero interest to the others receiving my original message.

GENTLE READER: “I’m not sure that you were aware, but you replied all. Just didn’t want you to accidentally tell everyone any secrets that were only meant for me.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)