DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have noticed that many restaurant servers take orders without writing them down. This includes orders with several exceptions, such as “no cheese, dressing on the side, veggies instead of fries,” etc.

This tends to make my husband and me nervous. The orders usually come out just right, but nonetheless, we await our meals with some anxiety.

When an order comes out wrong, and it had not been written down, would we be within our rights to withhold a tip (or at least to significantly reduce it)? I think it might be rude to ask a server to write down the order if he or she doesn’t want to.

GENTLE READER: Why are you looking for trouble? And ruining your meals by waiting in fear, especially when your servers often get it right?

Miss Manners supposes you can be inwardly righteous if they are wrong, but she urges you not to withhold a tip. Mistakes happen and can easily be made even when the order is fully and accurately transcribed. It is how the restaurant and server handle the situation that is the true indicator of good service, not the mistake itself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I do not speak the same native language. As he is very close to his large family, he spends a lot of time talking on the phone to them in his language.

As our marriage progresses, I am learning his language -- an endeavor he knows about and supports. In the beginning, he rightly assumed that I didn’t understand anything he said in his phone conversations. However, as I learn, I pick up bits and pieces.

I don’t know if I should assume he knows that I understand some of his conversations now, or if not, if I should tell him. As for the people he is talking to, do I have an obligation to let them know I am around? Or is that up to my husband?

GENTLE READER: When someone is on the telephone (or on any other one-sided technology), the polite thing for others in the room to do is pretend that they do not hear -- even if the conceit is comically transparent. That you previously did not understand what was being said on your husband’s calls made this ruse that much easier.

Your only obligation to your husband is to warn him that you now understand much of what he is saying. Miss Manners is not suggesting that your husband is deliberately keeping anything from you -- only that it would be jarring for him to have you ask, “What did you mean when you said we weren’t sure if we were going to the Bahamas this winter? I thought we had decided.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have two amazing girls who are 4 years old and 18 months old. For the most part, they are really good eaters for me when we’re at home or at restaurants.

But I have found that when we’re at Nana and Papa’s house, they are pickier eaters -- to the point that I have to feed them a second supper when we get home.

Should I start bringing foods I know they’ll eat, just in case? I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but I also want my kids to eat well at other people’s houses. I am aware of the menu ahead of time, but it’s so hard to know when my kids are going to object to certain foods.

GENTLE READER: Which is why you should not encourage this.

Children’s tastes change all the time. Who is to say that they will not soon develop a taste for Nana’s kreplach or Papa’s liverwurst sandwiches?

If you have to feed them a few second suppers while they are young, Miss Manners suggests you do so. But as they get older, they may start to weigh the relative merits of trying something new versus being hungry.

Maybe they will never love organ meat, but the lesson to be polite and graciously accept what is being offered -- or to politely decline -- is far more important.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son married his live-in girlfriend of 10 years at a destination wedding at an expensive resort in the Dominican Republic with about 40 people, mostly from our family. Then they came home and had a hotel reception, with dinner and dancing, for about 200 people. Everyone who went to the Dominican festivities also came to the reception and gave gifts or cash.

Two months later, the couple separated and are planning a divorce. Should they be returning gifts? And should they apologize to guests -- especially those who went to both wedding events?

Many of the reception guests were our friends, colleagues and relatives, and they didn’t know the couple well. My brother has “joked” that he wants his $3,000 for the trip back.

GENTLE READER: The requirement to return wedding presents is generally reserved for canceled weddings, not divorces, even though this timeline feels similar.

But those who willingly went to the destination wedding knew what they were getting themselves into -- and presumably still enjoyed a vacation, even if it was somewhat forced upon them.

As for apologies, there is no need. Surely your brother and the other guests must realize that no one is suffering the irony and cost more than the couple -- except perhaps you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Without sounding harsh or dictatorial, how do I gently tell a friend of mine to stop using “reply all”? If I email, say, six people, my friend’s “reply all” message is either inconsequential or of zero interest to the others receiving my original message.

GENTLE READER: “I’m not sure that you were aware, but you replied all. Just didn’t want you to accidentally tell everyone any secrets that were only meant for me.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When is it OK to consider a “goodbye” finished? When does a goodbye have to be followed by waving, and for how long?

After we’ve said goodbye in the parking lot and the other person begins to drive away, do I have to wave again as they drive by, waving at me? Or can I turn my back and focus on getting into my own car? Some people seem to think it’s rude if I don’t wave as they drive past me.

If guests are leaving our house and we say goodbye at the door, do we have to stand there waving and calling out more goodbyes while they get in their car, so as not to close the door behind them and possibly look like we are happy for them to be gone? Do we have to wave while they drive away, or can we start putting the dishes into the dishwasher?

What if guests are leaving after a long stay with us -- do I have to stand and wave until they are out of sight, as some family members expect?

If we are the ones leaving, do we (or the kids) have to wave out the back window until we round the corner? It seems rude to turn away from people who are waving or watching, but in each of these scenarios, we already said a warm goodbye. When can we just turn away and do whatever we need to do next?

GENTLE READER: Still there? Ah. Well, then, the answer is that after you’ve said a proper goodbye, you can leave, turn away, do the dishes, go to bed, whatever.

But you have to be decisive. If you remain standing at the window -- or even peek through the shades -- then Miss Manners concedes that you have to continue to acknowledge your departing guests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When sleeping at someone else's house, should one flush the toilet in the middle of the night? Does it matter if the bedroom doors are all closed or not? I sometimes have to go several times.

GENTLE READER: There is, no doubt, a long thought process there -- thin walls, noise, light sleepers, a medical condition Miss Manners has not yet heard of, about which someone would like to enlighten her. But as we would all like to go back to sleep, she will hastily assure you that you may flush after each use.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Four couples go out for dinner, all sitting at one table. One of the men has impeccable manners; the other three, somewhat less.

The significant other of the man with manners excuses herself from the table, and the man does not rise and assist with the chair, nor does he assist upon her return.

A private discussion ensues later about this. The subject woman is furious. The subject man explains: “Yes, I acknowledge the failure, but I did not want to embarrass our friends by exhibiting proper manners and calling attention to their failure to do so. Exhibiting manners should never serve to embarrass others in a public setting.”

GENTLE READER: Nice try. Miss Manners is siding with your wife. You should have exhibited your excellent manners (if you do say so yourself), which cannot reasonably be interpreted as a criticism of anyone else.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)