DEAR MISS MANNERS: My apartment building shares a communal laundry and storage area with the building next to it. The laundry area has three washers and three dryers that you have to pay to use.

I’ve noticed that there are people who will use all three machines simultaneously. To me, this feels incredibly rude to the rest of the residents in the complex, but I would like someone else to validate this -- or tell me that I’m wrong. Someone who only has a single load to wash is at the whim of another person using all the machines.

GENTLE READER: What you call "being at the whim of other people," Miss Manners prefers to call "sharing." It is not always convenient for everyone, but that does not make it rude.

You, and two other one-loaders, might equally well have arrived simultaneously and found yourself drawing straws because the three-load neighbor -- who could have done all three loads at once and been out two hours earlier -- instead prolonged the process.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In my experience, people are sometimes accused of not having a sense of humor when they don’t happen to find something funny -- or even find it rude.

My brother, for example, likes to play pointless jokes on cashiers and restaurant staff. He might watch a cashier scan and bag all of his items, then pretend that he forgot his wallet, so the cashier offers to temporarily hold the items behind the counter. This is inconsiderate, not to mention embarrassing, when there are other people waiting in line.

He is disappointed when the cashier doesn’t find this hilarious, and thinks such people have “no sense of humor.”

GENTLE READER: It is Miss Manners’ experience, as well, that accusations that someone lacks a sense of humor are made disproportionately by those without one. Humor, however, has been around a long time, and can afford to laugh off such slander -- more easily, she suspects, than the people victimized in its name.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I disagree on the appropriate protocol when attending a neighborhood social event not specifically described as a potluck.

He takes great pride in his culinary creations and insists upon taking a dish to supplement whatever the host is serving. I have issued gentle reminders that his efforts, while well-meaning, may not complement the menu the host painstakingly curated for the event.

On the rare occasions he asks in advance, the host usually says he or she has the matter covered, but my husband still insists on arriving dish-in-hand. I feel this places the host in an awkward position, not to mention the other attendees. He says I have an overactive sense of propriety.

GENTLE READER: Technically, you and your husband do not disagree on what is proper -- he simply does not care. This is not a defensible position, as he will realize when you, at Miss Manners' urging, point out that he is actually insulting your hosts -- even more so when he flatly ignores the answer to a question he asked.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Could you suggest alternative replies to “I’m sorry” when one hears bad or unsettling news from family or friends?

When one hears “I lost my job,” "My husband has cancer” or other bad news, a common response is “I’m sorry” to show our empathy. Yet, “I’m sorry” is a sort of apology, accepting one’s responsibility for an undesirable outcome. And the bearer of bad news often replies, “You’ve nothing to be sorry about. You didn’t cause this.”

An alternative might be a simple “I understand,” “That’s rough” or “Oh my. Tell me about it,” depending on the exact situation.

What do you advise in today’s hypersensitive environment?

GENTLE READER: Not being so insensitive as to rebuff clear expressions of empathy.

People do sometimes say hurtful things in response to suffering -- usually some form of telling the sufferer to get over it -- but “I’m sorry” is not one of them.

Obviously what it means, in that context, is that one is sorry that such a bad thing happened. One can feel sorry about many things without being the agent who caused them.

But if we are going to be persnickety about kind remarks, Miss Manners can think of objections to your suggestions:

“I understand” -- no, you do not, because you are not going through the same thing.

“That’s rough” -- sounds flippant when applied to a tragedy.

“Tell me about it” -- confidences on sensitive matters should be voluntary, not solicited out of curiosity.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I am at home by myself, I like to scrape shavings off the top of a stick of butter, making the butter easier to spread. But I wonder if that is impolite. Should I, especially with company, cut off a small slab from the end?

GENTLE READER: What you need is a butter curler -- not easy to find, but the proper instrument for scraping a long, thin curl of butter.

When you are alone, you may attack your butter however you choose. Miss Manners is not peeking in your window.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few months ago, I had a local plumbing company come to my house for some drain cleaning and to have the main pipes snaked. It was a lot of work and a messy job. The company is very well known in the area and receives 4+ stars in customer reviews.

Afterwards, I wanted to make a goodwill gesture, so I took a box of candy and a card to the company's office. The owner’s wife works in the office, and as I walked in and started to express my appreciation, she mentioned what a bad job it had been. She then repeated it, then said, "You are lucky you have us.”

Sure, I am happy to have a reliable company to do this kind of work for me, but I left there feeling like a second-class citizen for trying to show appreciation. How would you have responded to a remark like that?

GENTLE READER: “Yes; I came here to thank you and say that, but never mind. You beat me to it.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know this may sound like a silly question, but what exactly is the proper etiquette for getting on and off an elevator? Is there even a proper way?

It seems that when people wait right by the door, it makes for an awkward moment when the doors open. But I, too, am guilty of waiting right at the door.

GENTLE READER: Rather than telling you to back off from the entrance, or to exit according to age, gender or any other factor you can discern instantly among your fellow passengers, Miss Manners will give you a guiding principle:

Do not create logjams.

Therefore, do not block the entrance to the elevator car so that people getting out will have to walk around you. Once inside, do not stand in the front if others are boarding. If you are not getting off at a particular floor, do not stand in the way of those who are.

The principle even overrides conventionally polite gestures. For example, while it would be charming to let an older person exit first, do not do so if your action would block others from exiting.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What exactly is a “pocketbook”? I always thought it was a lady’s wallet, but does it instead refer to the entire purse/handbag?

GENTLE READER: Yes, it means the reticule -- another term you probably don’t know.

But as “pocketbook” has also been used to refer to pocket-sized books (and a slang meaning that Miss Manners will not repeat), it has pretty much fallen out of use in its original sense.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Most of my extensive family members live a few states away from mine. One relative in particular has a beautiful, large home and wonderful hosting skills. They always insist we stay with them when we are in town, and we love to do so -- especially since we are able to spend all of our time with family instead of in a hotel room. We are always treated wonderfully when we are there.

My problem is that I don’t know how to repay them. I’ve occasionally convinced them to allow me to take them out to dinner, and I’ve sent tokens of appreciation, but it never feels like enough to me.

It’s not possible for us to make anything to bring, as we travel by air. Is it rude to bring gift cards for a local store that they frequent? Do you have any other ideas?

GENTLE READER: Taking them out, offering your help, not being a nuisance, sending presents -- and, of course, reciprocating when possible -- are all good ways of thanking hosts.

But there is an enormously effective, nearly cost-free way to do this -- a way that many people, including you, tend to overlook or dismiss: Write them a letter about what these visits mean to you. Not just a letter of thanks for each stay, but a general summation of how much pleasure they give you, how much you admire the way they live, and how they have enhanced your lives.

In other words, the kind of things you would say about them if they had just died. Instead, you will be giving them the pleasure of knowing how much you value them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)