DEAR MISS MANNERS: I took a friend out for a nice lunch to thank her for supporting me through a hard time. At the restaurant, she looked through the entire menu and picked the least expensive dish.
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I encouraged her to order whatever she wanted, including any appetizers, but she seemed too shy. I was raised to spend less than the person treating you, so I assumed that she was taught the same.
Finally, I told her that I planned to order the most expensive thing on the menu, which convinced her that she could get what she actually wanted.
Unfortunately, I didn’t want the food I ended up with! I’d happily do this again to put a guest at ease, but it feels silly to spend extra money on food I like less.
I hope that Miss Manners has a more graceful way to assure my guests that they don’t need to mind my budget.
GENTLE READER: Oh, the irony: not ordering what you want in order to convince your guest to order what she wants. It is indeed a conundrum.
Miss Manners’ true answer is that a polite host refrains from monitoring their guests’ choices, even if they have suspicions about their motivation.
But if saying, “Please, this is my treat and my way to thank you for your generosity. Order whatever you like” does not work the first time, get yourself a fancy drink or appetizer and hope your guest will feel free to join you.