DEAR MISS MANNERS: When issuing both formal invitations, such as to a wedding or dinner, as well as informal invitations, such as asking a friend to attend a movie together on the weekend, often a response is not received despite an RSVP date being clear.
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When I haven’t received a reply well past such a date, sometimes even sending a polite reminder, I assume it to be a no. However, I have had people ask me why I went ahead with the movie/dinner/other plans without them despite their lack of answer.
I cannot figure out the proper response to this, other than, "You didn’t say yes by the date I needed to know," which I pair with an offer to get together another time (if the event had been something casual).
Yet I feel quite offended that someone would not value my time enough to answer at all, and then be upset with me when I did not cancel my event. This isn’t one or two offenders who do this regularly, but a behavior I have seen in a great variety of my acquaintances across age and locale, including many that I otherwise find to be kind, thoughtful people.
Please advise on the appropriate response.
GENTLE READER: “I didn’t hear from you, so I assumed you couldn’t attend.”
Miss Manners will give you extra points for not adding, “Duh.” As tempting as it may be.