DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there any polite way to encourage someone who is recounting an anecdote to you to come to the point a little faster?
Advertisement
I am sure we have all had the experience: “So the shopkeeper, Brian -- was it Brian? Oh, dear, what was his name? Maybe it was Bruce. No, Bob! Yes, yes, that was it. So anyway, I hand Bob my $20 when I went to buy Sarah’s present. Was it Sarah’s? No, it must have been Justin’s, because I remember it was warm outside and Sarah’s birthday is in winter. So I hand Bob my $20 ...”
I am a professional editor, so I often struggle, so far with good results, to resist the urge to edit my friends’ and elderly acquaintances’ storytelling techniques.
That is the correct approach, yes? There is no polite way to urge someone not to get bogged down in irrelevant detail and get to the punchline, is there?
GENTLE READER: There is not, but one can sometimes insulate oneself from the effects -- if you are not squeamish about the comfort of your fellow guests.
Invite others to join your group -- by introducing them, if you are standing, or by saying they might be interested to hear this story, if you are seated nearby.
This will bring the polite impatience of the group to bear on the speaker, as well as providing opportunities to start a side conversation or slip away. Miss Manners recommends a light application of the technique, as it is the social equivalent of pointing out fellow castaways to the hungry bear.