DEAR MISS MANNERS: Near the end of an international overnight flight, I joined the line for the lavatory. Listening to the many comments going around, I learned that someone had been occupying the lavatory for a very long time.

After a while, a lady did exit, and it was clear that most of the time spent inside had been spent on a very complicated hairdo and similar makeup.

Would it have been rude to mention to her that an aircraft lavatory is not a beauty salon?

GENTLE READER: Understanding that it was a long flight, Miss Manners still asks: Are you in doubt about the matter?

If the wait was exceptionally long, you could, while the bathroom was still occupied, have sought the assistance of a flight attendant on the theory that the passenger might be in distress. But before you made too much of a nuisance of yourself, Miss Manners would have reminded you that you were still locked in an airplane -- with both the lady in the bathroom and the flight attendant.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my closest childhood friends is getting married this fall. We still keep in touch regularly.

She has told me about all of the details, sent pictures of the dress, even apologized for her wedding date being on my birthday. I’ve told her that I don’t mind (this is not the first time it’s happened) and that I am still incredibly excited to celebrate with her and her soon-to-be husband.

The issue is that I have yet to receive an invitation or even a save-the-date. If this was a local wedding, I wouldn’t be concerned, but we now live on opposite sides of the country. I need to book a flight and a hotel before travel costs are sky-high.

Is there any way to politely ask about my invitation status?

GENTLE READER: How many times has your friend gotten married on your birthday?

No, Miss Manners supposes you mean that this is not the first year you have spent your birthday celebrating an unrelated event. In any case, the next time your friend talks to you about the wedding, ask a related question, such as, "When are you sending out the invitations?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a surprise retirement party for a dear colleague, with approximately 20-25 people in attendance. About halfway through the event, before the toast for the guest of honor, I excused myself, as I had to pick up my daughter from a school function.

I said my goodbyes to several people, including my colleague and her husband. As I was walking to my car, I received a call from my daughter stating that she had made other arrangements, and I did not need to pick her up.

I had been gone from the party for no more than two minutes. Not knowing whether it was proper to return, I went home. What would have been the correct way to handle this?

GENTLE READER: It is not often that Miss Manners can say, as she does now, that both choices -- returning or continuing home -- were equally polite.

You were therefore free to make your choice based on how entertaining you felt the rest of the party was likely to be -- and how interesting the book on your bedside table.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one handle people who constantly talk over and interrupt you, telling the same old stories over and over again? They might even preface the stories with, “I know I've told you this story before.”

If and when the interrupter eventually says, “Oh, what were you saying?” I’ve started replying, “I forget.” They only launch into another talking marathon.

Has the art of conversation completely disappeared? What can one do to deal with these situations without being rude?

GENTLE READER: It is one of the costs of intimacy to listen to repeated stories. Extra credit if you remind someone to tell a favorite story to a new audience, and then act as if you have never heard it before. And in the case of those with serious memory problems, it is a kindness to keep appearing to listen.

But Miss Manners does not lack sympathy for the beleaguered listener. What you can say, whether asked or not, is, “Oh, yes! That’s a wonderful story.” Sad to say, the speaker does not always smile and desist.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 82 years old. A new acquaintance, a woman about 70, recently saw some photos in my home of the younger me. She asked, “As an old woman, is it difficult for you, having been beautiful?”

I ignored the question and she didn’t pursue it. For the record: I was never beautiful, but I was photogenic, and as a professional in the fashion and beauty industry, I made the most of my looks.

What should I have replied?

GENTLE READER: “Why? Are you finding it difficult to be beautiful?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate to send a handwritten note of condolence to my old college beau who lost his wife to cancer?

I thought that someone who once meant a great deal to me would appreciate a kind note of acknowledgement for his loss, though we’ve of course not corresponded for many years. However, the mutual friend who told me the news jeeringly said, when I mentioned sending a condolence note, “No one wants to hear from an old girlfriend!” (Emphasis on "old.")

I admit to being taken aback. My college sweetheart and I were very close for a number of years, so long ago.

GENTLE READER: What your friend is suggesting, not nicely, is that your former beau will interpret this as, “I see you are single now. Remember me?”

But people do want to hear from their old contacts of all kinds. That is one of the prime uses of social media. (Well, that and showing off in the hopes of impressing acquaintances, both old and new.)

You could mention a husband or partner if you think your condolences might be taken amiss. But Miss Manners urges you not to stifle a kindness out of such a fear.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I get a little bothered when unmarried people call their partner’s mother their mother-in-law. I assume the phrase "in law" means "by legal marriage." Am I wrong in my assumption?

GENTLE READER: Would you prefer mother-outlaw?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While searching for bargains at a local charity thrift shop, an older lady near me suddenly asked me why I was ignoring her.

I'd had no inkling that she had even addressed me. I apologized and asked what she wanted.

She immediately fired back, “It’s because of my skin color. You whites drive me crazy. Your s

* stinks just like the rest of us.”

I was floored. I just mumbled something like “I guess so,” and scampered away. She raised her voice to deliver more racist attacks.

The thing is, I am Latina, just as she was, but I do not necessarily look it.

How should I have reacted? Should I have identified my cultural background? Should I have verbally sparred with her instead of hurrying away to lurk in the glassware area until the all-clear sounded?

GENTLE READER: Insult collecting -- taking offense when none was intended -- seems to have become the national sport.

Tempting as it surely was to point out that this person had failed to notice your mutual heritage, Miss Manners admires you for refusing to play. People spoiling for a fight are not put off by facts, any more than by common decency.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I grocery shop multiple times a week and frequently use the express lane. The policy for this lane is 10 items or fewer. If I’m thinking of using it, I always, and I mean ALWAYS, count my items to make sure I have 10 at most.

I often see people in front of me with an item count above the posted limit. Is it bad manners to be one or two items above the limit? What about four or five above?

I’ve never said anything to the other customers for breaking the policy. Would it be poor manners to do so? Should I complain to the cashier?

GENTLE READER: Please don’t get into an altercation in the grocery line. Miss Manners has had so many reports of that being a staging area for sniping that it’s a wonder people can stock their larders without risk.

The cashier is well aware of the number of items each customer presents and has probably chosen not to make an issue of it. But go ahead and ask that employee, “Isn’t this the express lane?” if you think it will help.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have breakfast once a month with a friend I went to school with. For the most part, our time together is enjoyable.

However, I have noticed that she has a problem with people who are overweight. She will make nasty comments about them as they walk by our booth, sometimes loud enough for them to hear.

I remain silent. This friend was a bully in school and seems not to have grown out of that persona. What is a good comment I can say to her that does not bring me down to bully level?

GENTLE READER: Other than “Sorry, I’m not free for breakfast”?

Well, you could try saying, “Why are you making these people feel bad?”

If the response is anything like, “It’s for their own good,” Miss Manners resubmits her first suggestion.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)