DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one handle people who constantly talk over and interrupt you, telling the same old stories over and over again? They might even preface the stories with, “I know I've told you this story before.”

If and when the interrupter eventually says, “Oh, what were you saying?” I’ve started replying, “I forget.” They only launch into another talking marathon.

Has the art of conversation completely disappeared? What can one do to deal with these situations without being rude?

GENTLE READER: It is one of the costs of intimacy to listen to repeated stories. Extra credit if you remind someone to tell a favorite story to a new audience, and then act as if you have never heard it before. And in the case of those with serious memory problems, it is a kindness to keep appearing to listen.

But Miss Manners does not lack sympathy for the beleaguered listener. What you can say, whether asked or not, is, “Oh, yes! That’s a wonderful story.” Sad to say, the speaker does not always smile and desist.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 82 years old. A new acquaintance, a woman about 70, recently saw some photos in my home of the younger me. She asked, “As an old woman, is it difficult for you, having been beautiful?”

I ignored the question and she didn’t pursue it. For the record: I was never beautiful, but I was photogenic, and as a professional in the fashion and beauty industry, I made the most of my looks.

What should I have replied?

GENTLE READER: “Why? Are you finding it difficult to be beautiful?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate to send a handwritten note of condolence to my old college beau who lost his wife to cancer?

I thought that someone who once meant a great deal to me would appreciate a kind note of acknowledgement for his loss, though we’ve of course not corresponded for many years. However, the mutual friend who told me the news jeeringly said, when I mentioned sending a condolence note, “No one wants to hear from an old girlfriend!” (Emphasis on "old.")

I admit to being taken aback. My college sweetheart and I were very close for a number of years, so long ago.

GENTLE READER: What your friend is suggesting, not nicely, is that your former beau will interpret this as, “I see you are single now. Remember me?”

But people do want to hear from their old contacts of all kinds. That is one of the prime uses of social media. (Well, that and showing off in the hopes of impressing acquaintances, both old and new.)

You could mention a husband or partner if you think your condolences might be taken amiss. But Miss Manners urges you not to stifle a kindness out of such a fear.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I get a little bothered when unmarried people call their partner’s mother their mother-in-law. I assume the phrase "in law" means "by legal marriage." Am I wrong in my assumption?

GENTLE READER: Would you prefer mother-outlaw?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While searching for bargains at a local charity thrift shop, an older lady near me suddenly asked me why I was ignoring her.

I'd had no inkling that she had even addressed me. I apologized and asked what she wanted.

She immediately fired back, “It’s because of my skin color. You whites drive me crazy. Your s

* stinks just like the rest of us.”

I was floored. I just mumbled something like “I guess so,” and scampered away. She raised her voice to deliver more racist attacks.

The thing is, I am Latina, just as she was, but I do not necessarily look it.

How should I have reacted? Should I have identified my cultural background? Should I have verbally sparred with her instead of hurrying away to lurk in the glassware area until the all-clear sounded?

GENTLE READER: Insult collecting -- taking offense when none was intended -- seems to have become the national sport.

Tempting as it surely was to point out that this person had failed to notice your mutual heritage, Miss Manners admires you for refusing to play. People spoiling for a fight are not put off by facts, any more than by common decency.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I grocery shop multiple times a week and frequently use the express lane. The policy for this lane is 10 items or fewer. If I’m thinking of using it, I always, and I mean ALWAYS, count my items to make sure I have 10 at most.

I often see people in front of me with an item count above the posted limit. Is it bad manners to be one or two items above the limit? What about four or five above?

I’ve never said anything to the other customers for breaking the policy. Would it be poor manners to do so? Should I complain to the cashier?

GENTLE READER: Please don’t get into an altercation in the grocery line. Miss Manners has had so many reports of that being a staging area for sniping that it’s a wonder people can stock their larders without risk.

The cashier is well aware of the number of items each customer presents and has probably chosen not to make an issue of it. But go ahead and ask that employee, “Isn’t this the express lane?” if you think it will help.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have breakfast once a month with a friend I went to school with. For the most part, our time together is enjoyable.

However, I have noticed that she has a problem with people who are overweight. She will make nasty comments about them as they walk by our booth, sometimes loud enough for them to hear.

I remain silent. This friend was a bully in school and seems not to have grown out of that persona. What is a good comment I can say to her that does not bring me down to bully level?

GENTLE READER: Other than “Sorry, I’m not free for breakfast”?

Well, you could try saying, “Why are you making these people feel bad?”

If the response is anything like, “It’s for their own good,” Miss Manners resubmits her first suggestion.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I belong to a club that has an indoor and outdoor pool, so I enjoy swimming year-round. An older gentleman also swims there, always at the same time I do. Because of work and other responsibilities, I am limited to swimming at that time of day.

This gentleman either has some sort of medical issue or is taking a medication that makes him cough -- loudly and constantly. His laps are punctuated at each end of the pool by relentless, loud, dry coughing. It’s not the kind that doubles him over or stops him from swimming; it’s a regular, rapid, rhythmic, dry, barking cough that goes on for about 10 seconds, every minute or so, for about 45 minutes. It is incredibly annoying!

Is there any polite way to approach him and ask if he’s been seen by a doctor for this? I know my motives are pure.

GENTLE READER: Tell your second paragraph that.

Miss Manners understands that both the irritation and your concern for this gentleman can coexist. She recommends, however, that you hide the former better, by simply asking if he is all right. That he should do something about it has likely been considered -- and your saying so might betray the annoyance that you are trying so hard to conceal.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last Sunday, a woman I’ve known for many years but haven’t seen for quite a while came to church. I waved her over to sit with me, thinking it was good to see her, and welcomed her warmly.

After the service, we talked for about 20 minutes, during most of which she told me her woes of divorce and her 30-year-old son who won’t get a job and move out. (He does deal with depression, anxiety and ADHD ... but the apple doesn’t fall far from the “it’s always something” tree.)

I do feel for her, and for her son, but her oversharing and her resistance to any of my attempts to ask questions that might lead to positive steps were so frustrating. As she went on and on, I just felt dumped-on.

I’m writing because her parting words were, “Let’s get together for lunch. Call me.”

First, isn’t it rude to order someone else to call you? Second, our interaction reminded me that she has always been a complainer who talks way more than she listens. I have no interest in going to lunch with her for a second helping of the stuff she always serves up.

May I just ignore her demand? If, to be polite, I have to do lunch, can I simply arrange to meet her for a meal after a church event? At least that way, I feel it doesn’t take up so much time. I dread it already.

GENTLE READER: The advantage to someone’s putting the burden of calling on you is that you do not have to accept the challenge. Miss Manners grants you license to ignore her demand.

If, however, your woeful friend follows up and you get cornered -- and claims of a harried schedule do not work -- an after-church meal is acceptable. Maybe you will get lucky that day and the Scripture will include the passage about being “quick to listen and slow to speak.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)