DEAR MISS MANNERS: An old friend from high school has reached out to me. This means that he made the effort to specifically track down my phone number to send me a text. I don’t have any social media presence, in part due to a lack of interest, but also to avoid these sorts of situations.

He was never a close friend to begin with, and I am not going to resume any sort of relationship with him. I know the polite course of action would be to chat with him, make a small effort to express enthusiasm I don’t feel for his having contacted me, and quite possibly end up making plans to get brunch or whatever.

That ain’t happening. I’ve no interest in small talk, I’m not going to share anything about my life with this person, and I have no curiosity about what they’ve been up to in the last few decades.

That’s harsh, but it’s the honest truth of the matter. So which of these is the less-impolite option: telling this old acquaintance I’m not interested in continuing any level of friendship, or just not responding at all?

I don’t like ghosting people, but replying to a request for friendship with “no thanks, I’m good,” is also kind of a bummer.

GENTLE READER: Is showing some minimal civility to someone you describe as an old friend really such a burden?

Note that Miss Manners does not include under that banner a requirement that you report back about your life, have brunch or, while you are at it, get married and buy a house together.

All you need do is text back, “Nice to hear from you.” This need not be done immediately. And if there is a follow-up, your subsequent responses can take longer and longer -- until your old friend gets the idea without your having to smack him.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have two friends who always arrive between 20 and 45 minutes early for parties. They send me a text when they arrive, saying that they will wait in their car until the appointed time.

It seems rude to respond that yes, they may wait in the car, so instead, I invite them to come in while I finish getting things ready. Knowing this always happens, I try to have everything ready an hour early -- but then, by the time the other guests start arriving, the hot things are cold and the cold things are warm.

Would it be acceptable to hold off on putting out the food until the appointed time? I hesitate because it would leave the early arrivals sitting alone while I return to the kitchen. This seems rude, but what is one to do?

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners sees nothing wrong with serving the food at the scheduled time, she would also understand if you -- with appropriate and sincere apologies -- leave your too-early friends outside, and explain, when they arrive on the dot, that while they were texting, you were busy rushing to get everything done.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On New Year's Eve, we took my elderly mother and a friend to a fairly upscale Italian restaurant. My mother and the friend each ordered a glass of red wine. The server, who knows us as regulars, confirmed with my husband that he wanted "the usual coffee for the driver."

When it was my turn, he asked if I wanted my usual red wine. Instead, I asked about Champagne -- “by the glass, as I am the only person here tonight who likes Champagne.” He said they had nothing by the glass, but they had several types of small bottles, splits and single-serve bottles. I asked a couple of questions (sweet or brut?) and ordered the one that sounded best -- a split of no more than two glasses.

When he brought the split, he brought three glasses and divided the Champagne into three partial servings. So my mom and the friend were each served both the red wine they’d ordered AND a glass of what I’d ordered for myself.

I let it go, as it wasn’t that big a deal and I really couldn’t think of a good way to say, “Hey, wait -- that’s MY Champagne.” They enjoyed the red wine, but neither touched the Champagne. Not only did I not get a full glass for myself, the other two partial servings went to waste.

Was this just a goof by the waiter, or is it a rule that any time a bottle of Champagne is ordered, no matter how small, it is expected to be shared with the whole table? This was a very early dinner, so no midnight toast was in the offing.

GENTLE READER: Still, it was New Year’s Eve, good fellowship, and all that.

Miss Manners wonders why, in that spirit, you did not say, “If you’re not going to drink that, may I have it?” You could have started with your mother, and her friend would have been sure to say, “Here, I haven’t touched this, either.”

Some wisdom to guide you through the new year: It is all right to ask for what you reasonably want as long as you do it politely. And for that waiter: Listen to the customers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a New Year's Eve party with about four other couples. At 10:30, people started leaving, and I quickly came to realize my husband and I would be the last remaining guests.

I was afraid it would be rude to be the only ones there and have the hosts feel obligated to continue to entertain just us until after midnight. So my husband and I also got our coats and left just behind the other guests, leaving our hosts with an empty house.

Was it right to leave and not be the last remaining guests, or would it have been better to stay until the new year was toasted?

GENTLE READER: How awful for the hosts to be deserted during the key part of the occasion. Miss Manners does not accept your reasoning that, after preparing for guests, they would prefer to be left alone. Please apologize to them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

GENTLE PHYSICIAN ASSISTANTS AND PHYSICIAN ASSOCIATES: Please forgive Miss Manners those offensive apostrophes in her Dec. 12 column.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Does everybody return unwanted gifts to the givers these days, or is it just my family and close friends?

For example, let's say my sister gives me a plaster cherub with a clock in its stomach. Instead of hiding it in a closet and bringing it out when she visits, I’ll thank her (of course) and then hand it back.

Is that a refreshingly honest way of saving her money, or a rude rejection that saddles her with an errand?

GENTLE READER: It may surprise you to hear that not all honesty is refreshing. That is, you may feel refreshed if you tell your sister, “You have rotten taste and here is your stupid gift back,” but she is not likely to be.

Did your sister really give you a plaster cherub with a clock in its stomach?

If so, Miss Manners still disapproves of the return, but she does understand the temptation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: You must receive a lot of the same, or similar, questions. I'm just wondering: What are the most-asked ones?

GENTLE READER: Well, they are not, as may be supposed, about which fork to use. That is a question posed only by people wanting to declare that manners are trivial. Such people tend to be consistent in not having any.

Miss Manners finds that people rarely ask about the correct thing for them to do. Rather, they want to know how to handle people who are rude to them. Her job is to suggest ways to counter this without more rudeness -- or the popular alternative, violence.

There is also a topic that always shocks Miss Manners, but has become increasing prevalent: blatant greed.

People have gotten shameless about demanding money from family, friends and strangers alike. Even the ubiquitous gift registry, with its transparent whitewash, is giving way to the outright demand for money. Any occasion will do -- birth, death and anything in between -- as an excuse for begging.

It seems to Miss Manners that there are enough serious causes that need addressing before solvent people are justified in engaging in self-philanthropy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was unfortunately not raised in the habit of writing thank-you notes, but I acquired the habit after my wedding. I enjoy writing them a great deal, and I like knowing that I’m showing my gratitude to those who do nice things for me.

But rather than feeling happy and appreciated for receiving a thank-you note, several friends to whom I’ve sent them say they feel guilty for not doing a better job of sending thank-you notes themselves.

I would very much like to continue this new habit, but the last thing I’m trying to do is make people feel bad. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Hope that your friends, like you, will use the experience to understand the value of expressing gratitude. Miss Manners would be saddened to hear that the important lesson you learned about not ignoring generosity would be lost in an effort to relieve others of their guilt at not practicing this themselves.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)