DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a cousin who calls almost weekly to invite me over for dinner during the upcoming weekend -- but nine times out of 10, the invitation gets rescinded or canceled.

After I accept, she says she'll call later in the week to confirm in case she gets busy. (I don't understand the need to confirm, since I've already accepted, and she's the one inviting me.)

Usually, she'll call on the day of the dinner and give some excuse: She and her husband are tired from a late party the night before; her daughter is having a bad day and doesn't feel like company; they had a busy day and won't have time to cook; or they invited several other couples over and there won't be room for me.

Sometimes there is no excuse, just: "Sorry, it doesn't work for us." Often, she'll ask me to come over the next night instead -- and most of the time, that's canceled, too (once, when I was five minutes from their house after a 45-minute drive there).

Other than something serious and unexpected, like an illness or a house fire, isn't an invitation an invitation, period? And is confirmation necessary?

Note that I've stopped accepting her invitations, and now thank her and regretfully cite other plans or a big project at work. The invitations keep coming, but now with a tinge of annoyance.

GENTLE READER: If the annoyance becomes more than a tinge, and you get asked outright about your absences, Miss Manners suggests you say, "I miss seeing you, but always feel like such a burden when you have to make last-minute cancellations. Once your schedule calms down and you feel certain you can make a commitment, please do let me know."

And if you once again get hoodwinked, at least you will have been sufficiently warned.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a volunteer docent at a nonprofit arts organization, and I give public online presentations. Afterwards, fellow docents (some of whom I don't personally know) email me to say something like, "Your presentation was great. Thank you for doing it."

Must I respond? And if so, how? Both "thank you" and "you're welcome" seem to be called for.

GENTLE READER: They are. Or perhaps, "So kind of you to say so."

Presumably these fellow docents know the effort it takes to do a good job at these presentations. Miss Manners therefore thinks their kindness should be gratefully acknowledged. And noted, so that you can thank them in kind when it is their turn.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What would be an appropriate response to, "What do you do during the day?" This has happened more than once, and I don't want to insult anyone.

I'm 75 and retired. Due to health issues and a lack of friends, I don't do much at all. But I can't say that, so I almost always make something up. That doesn't feel right, either.

Any advice on what to say when they ask this?

GENTLE READER: "My best."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Would you be so kind to explain to me why it's the new protocol, when invited to a child's birthday party, that your child is expected to give the honoree's mother a wrapped gift for giving birth 16 years ago? Now it's two gifts that must be purchased for a birthday party -- one for the mom, one for the child.

I thought the husband was expected to give the mom a piece of jewelry, privately. It's their moment, not to be shared with 30 kids from the birthday child's class.

Entitlement is rapidly spreading, even in this time of financial issues for many. I might just go to a thrift store, purchase a participation trophy, wrap it up for the mom and congratulate her on a job well done in giving birth to her daughter.

I find this new custom rude. If a hostess gift is expected, I'll bring chocolates, flowers or a trinket -- certainly not a $75 purse!

GENTLE READER: This "new protocol," if it is one, is ridiculous. Miss Manners had heard of the unfortunately titled "push present" for new mothers, but 16 years after the fact is absurd. Receiving it from anyone not directly involved in the birth, even more so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a young daughter who constantly gets compliments about how beautiful she is, which she is. I always tell her to say "thank you," and she does.

However, I have noticed that people in the older generation tend to touch my daughter's hair or want a hug from her.

I was taught as a child that when someone was overly friendly and wanted to touch my hair or hug me, I should just deal with it out of respect, despite my discomfort. I don't want to let my child feel that way, but I have a hard time standing up for her because of how I was raised.

An example: Today at the store, my daughter was approached by an older woman who touched her hair and then grabbed her into a hug. I was stunned and didn't know what to say to the woman without being disrespectful.

How do I stand up for my daughter? Please ask your readers to talk to the parents before touching a child, even their hair, or hugging them. I'm trying to teach my child about consent, but I can't help her practice it if I can't defend her, either.

GENTLE READER: If you are teaching your daughter to say "thank you," you may also tell her to say "No thank you" when a stranger is approaching her. Or, in cases less benign than that old lady, a firm "NO!"

With regard to your own upbringing and the notion of showing respect for others, Miss Manners will add that respect goes both ways: No one should be touching anyone without consent. If you see that happening to your daughter, you may rush to her defense saying, "I didn't know what was happening. You'll forgive me if I'm on high alert. We have taught our daughter to be cautious when it comes to strangers, even with well-intentioned ones like you."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When someone purchases a raffle ticket for a worthy cause and wins the grand prize (say, $10,000), is it proper or expected that they donate a portion of it back to the charity? And if so, what percentage, please?

GENTLE READER: Secular society is strangely fond of tithing, but: no. The things one receives for donating to a cause -- hats, mugs, tote bags and, Miss Manners will now add, raffle prize money -- are given as thanks for your generous donations. And one does not give gifts for thank-yous sent to acknowledge gifts.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was raised to write thank-you letters. Not just thank-you letters, actually, but "letters of appreciation." I absorbed the message that a gift, no matter how ineptly chosen or inappropriate, was a little piece of the giver's heart; it represented a sacrifice of time, money, thought, consideration and effort, and must be treated with respect and appreciation. These were to be expressed in simple, genuine words in the thank-you letter.

I live in a tiny studio apartment that did not come equipped with all the things one normally considers standard equipment. Because of a lack of workspace and storage, I quickly adapted my lifestyle to do without certain built-in appliances that most people use several times per week. I'm content with how things are, and I can afford to buy anything I really feel is lacking.

The problem is that some very kind friends have given me a freestanding version of one of the "missing" appliances, and it is completely impractical for me to set up and use it. I had mentioned that my place lacked certain standard equipment, but had not complained of it being a problem.

I thanked my friends for their generosity, thoughtfulness and kindness. I spoke in general terms about the value of such an item in making a home more convenient, etc. But the item itself remains in its box, taking up already-minimal floor space and generating muttered imprecations when I have to shove it out of the way to get at things I need.

Another friend told me, "Just sell it." But I can't. I would not wound these dear, loving, generous-hearted friends for anything. Yet I cannot think of any way of resolving the problem of a gift I cannot use, cannot easily store away, and cannot throw back in my friends' faces by regifting, selling or donating it. I don't know anyone who could use it.

Do you have any advice?

GENTLE READER: Your letter of thanks accomplished one other thing: It discharged your duty to demonstrate gratitude. Miss Manners does not say this to admonish you for continuing to feel gratitude, only to remind you that your obligation is limited.

Better to sell, donate, discard or regift this unwelcome appliance than to start thinking of your friends as the miscreants who cause you to stub your toe thrice daily.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)