DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the best way to extricate oneself from the faux pas of an uncontrollable laugh, snort or giggle? My friends and I shared our examples of this experience -- and we all had them.

Mine happened when I was in the choir of our very small church. The choir was in the chancel right next to the communion rail, and a lady knelt for communion, then couldn't get back up. She had to crawl a few steps with her rear end to the congregants before anyone realized and helped her get up.

One of my friends, as a 12-year-old at an Irish wake for his grandfather, loudly remarked that a wake was so much fun, they should do it more often.

Another friend once asked someone at a party when the "big event" was taking place, not realizing she had just gained a lot of unwanted weight.

GENTLE READER: You can stop giggling right now. That last example is not funny, and nothing about that scenario is "uncontrollable." There is no excuse for making assumptions about anyone else's age, gender, ancestry, relationship, pregnancy or marital status.

The way to handle an untimely laugh is to cup your hand over your mouth and pass it off as a cough. And then to look extremely concerned, in your example, and ask the struggling woman if she is all right.

As for the child at the wake, it is too bad that 12 is past the age when he could have been forgiven for not understanding the situation. Miss Manners hopes that he immediately blurted out, "I mean getting the family together -- obviously not on such a sad occasion."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband's father has poor table manners, or at least I think he does! He is 95, and the family doesn't think there is anything wrong.

When we go out to a restaurant, he blows his nose after he eats -- right at the table. This really disgusts me. I'm usually still eating, and it grosses me out. Of course, I never finish my meal after that.

When he does this, I look around and notice that other people are staring at us. I was always taught to leave the table and go into the bathroom if you have to blow your nose. I really hate going out to eat with them.

My husband thinks that I am overreacting. Help! What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That there is no chance in the world that you will ever reform the manners of your 95-year-old father-in-law, whose family is not bothered by them.

Miss Manners suggests choosing a seat farther away from him.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our daughter is throwing her own 40th birthday party, and we were wondering what the etiquette is. Is this now OK? I have always thought that a party for an adult should be thrown by friends.

GENTLE READER: When your daughter was the nominal host of the birthday parties you threw her when she was a child, Miss Manners trusts that you taught her how to treat guests.

So if she is making arrangements to entertain her guests, not to glorify herself; assuming all the expenses; and not letting on that she expects presents, it is not improper.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My twin sister and I got shower invitations that we don't understand. It's for a close friend of ours from high school who just got engaged, and the hostess is another friend of hers we don't know very well.

It says, "Gift-free shower!"

We've never heard of such a thing. Does this mean she only wants cash? The couple are very well-off, much more than either of us.

We like our friend very much and want to celebrate her engagement, but we don't know what to get her. She and her fiance have been together for three years, plus it's a second marriage for both, so they each have a lot of stuff. There is no registry on their site.

What are we supposed to do?

GENTLE READER: Go to the party and celebrate your friend's engagement by having a good time with her and her other friends.

That's it.

Miss Manners has been hearing of such a thing lately, but could hardly believe it: in these grabby days, a party just for the fun of it? A couple who do their own shopping, and do not even expect their friends to pay them for getting married?

Yet apparently some people really are tired of the present-gouging routine, which has become meaningless. Now and then, a host will issue instructions that guests should not bring presents to the celebration of a birthday, graduation or wedding. And they actually mean it; it is not a way to collect money instead of goods.

The pleasure in the custom of exchanging presents is supposed to derive from the possibility of surprising someone with something that person would like, but hadn't thought of, or had wanted, but hadn't acquired (for whatever reason). It is a symbolic way of saying, "I notice you, I think I understand you, and I've been thinking about what might please you."

The catch was having to think. And possibly to guess wrong. Everyone has stories of the present that failed.

So the system was pretty much scuttled in favor of letting the recipient choose the presents. After all, who better would know what that person wanted?

But this came with a different catch. Instead of "I understand you," this practice says, "I have your shopping list." What is the pleasure in giving or receiving if the sentiment has been removed?

So Miss Manners is delighted at the idea of gift-free celebrations. She will even reluctantly suspend her rule against stating "no presents" (or, if you want people to cringe, "Your presence is our present") because the host should not even be thinking about getting a haul.

In return, please stop calling these parties "showers," a term that screams that presents will be the main purpose.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have some lovely sterling soup spoons that match my set, but I never use them because I don't like soup. Is there an alternative course I can bring these out for?

GENTLE READER: Pretend that they are dessert spoons. Only Miss Manners knows the difference.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I live in a warm climate, and there is a couple who visits us two or three times every winter for at least a week each time. The man is my husband's good friend dating back to college. Those two like to play golf during these visits, and I am left to entertain his wife.

She likes to shop, eat and drink a lot (starting at lunch), none of which appeals to me. I really don't mind them coming and using our house as a home base, but I am starting to dread having to entertain her every day.

Is there any way to tell them that? My choice would be to go our separate ways during the day and then meet up for dinner. My husband is totally supportive, and is willing to address this with his friend.

GENTLE READER: As long as what your husband communicates is your regret that you are otherwise engaged for the week -- and not that you find his friend's wife a shopaholic lush. Then Miss Manners suggests that you become quickly and convincingly occupied, even if it is only with a good book at a remote cafe.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: There's nothing I can do about it now, but my mishandling of an awkward situation plagues me to this day.

My husband and I had been dear friends with our neighbors since we moved to the neighborhood and our children were small. Years later, when their daughter was studying art in college, she came home on a break from school with a surprise for me: a giant abstract painting that she'd done herself.

My husband and I are minimalists. We have very few pieces of art, and the ones we do have are small and personal. If you want to imagine our house, picture empty white walls and no drapery.

I'm not sure I did a very good job hiding my shock when I realized she expected me to take this painting home and hang it up somewhere. I gushed as profusely as I could about how beautiful it was and about her talent. (I was lying, by the way. It was not my cup of tea.) Then I asked her to keep it at her mom's house for me until I decided where to hang it.

I never retrieved the painting.

Since then, her mother has died and the daughter has moved away. I am constantly wondering how I should have handled this. I know, for sure, that I handled it badly. But, as it says on my bracelet, WWMMD? (What Would Miss Manners Do?)

GENTLE READER: Remind you that it would have been just as easy for you to keep the painting in a closet as it was for your neighbor. And less hurtful.

Present-givers are generally a well-intentioned lot, but even neighbors cannot be expected to memorize your home's aesthetic. Most likely, the girl thought your bare walls could use some art. In any case, she undoubtedly saw through your ruse, especially since you said you were not very good at hiding your true feelings.

And what about the fear of getting caught with the painting not on your walls, you might ask? Miss Manners would have suggested using the time between the girl's visits to practice saying, "We are trying to figure out the exact right place to put it."

But first, practice your delivery.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)