DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister is getting married for the second time, and is having a traditional wedding party for the first time. My sisters and I are in the wedding, and our children are all included.

We have realized, though, that our brother was not asked to be a groomsman or anything else. I confronted my sister, and she said it's her fiance's choice, and that he has had his close friends and cousins chosen for his wedding for a long time. I said she could have at least let our brother know, as we all expected him to be included. He was upset to learn that he is the only one in the family to be left out.

She went on a diatribe about how we shouldn't have had any expectations that anyone would be included, it's her day, and she won't "force" her fiance to include him (though she also didn't even suggest it).

I do genuinely hate to stir up trouble for her, as I know how stressful wedding planning can be, but this isn't about flowers or DJs; this is about excluding our brother.

Am I completely off-base in thinking he should have been included -- or at the very least, that he deserved a phone call to explain why he wasn't?

GENTLE READER: What would that phone call entail? "Sorry, but we are running this thing purely along gender lines and my future husband decided you don't make the cut"?

This is the problem with casting roles, rather than looking to include the loved ones already at hand.

And Miss Manners has had just about enough of the "it's my wedding" excuse, especially when the bride only seems to invoke it when it is convenient.

If she is truly an autocrat, could she not find a way to include the whole family? There may well be nothing to be done about it now, but that does not mean that your family cannot voice their disappointment -- when the whole thing is over and the bride has presumably returned to her senses.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several times now, I've been suddenly approached by someone who looks vaguely familiar, who then asks me, "Do you remember who I am?"

This takes me by surprise, obviously, and I have no time to think, so I vaguely but enthusiastically say "hi." I generally have a hard time remembering faces and names, so I feel very embarrassed.

These are usually people I'm seeing outside of the regular context that would normally clue me in (without their dog, for instance), or whom I haven't seen in a long time. I feel like it is really rude to grill someone out of the blue like that, though I understand they're being friendly. Maybe they think it's funny.

GENTLE READER: How friendly or funny can a "yes" or "no" answer be? Miss Manners suggests you politely decline to play this unamusing game by saying patiently, "I'm afraid I'm having trouble placing you. Please, tell me again."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way to handle paying a restaurant bill? Three met for dinner. Two of them had more expensive meals than the third.

When the check came, the third diner grabbed the check and pointed out the cost of my meal. Next came the calculator (embarrassing). At that point I looked at the bill and asked my husband if he would put more money down. Our dinners were more expensive.

I was getting annoyed and said, "What's the difference if it's $20 off? Who cares? We'll get you next time."

This is not a woman who needs the money. She mentioned her $80,000 car. She brought a half-empty bottle of wine, which she said was $100. She drank it and did not offer any. This person is my sister. What do I do?

GENTLE READER: Surprised though she was by the late arrival of your sister in the question, Miss Manners admits that does not materially affect her answer.

If the goal for an evening out cannot be conviviality, it should at least be to minimize hostility. Beyond that, the proper way to pay a dinner bill is for the parties to agree on what does, and what does not, matter.

This means either accommodating your sister -- by matching the contributions to the consumption -- or convincing her that it really will even up over time.

The latter is more easily accomplished if one omits questions like, "Who cares?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have one daughter, and she was never able to conceive a child. When we meet new people our age, they often ask how many grandchildren we have.

We usually reply "none" and explain that our daughter was unable to have children. That statement seems to leave the hearer in an awkward position on how to further respond. Do you have a suggestion on how we could eliminate the awkwardness on both sides?

GENTLE READER: Not by volunteering your daughter's intimate medical history, certainly. "We don't have any" would answer the question.

But Miss Manners realizes what you are really asking is how to stop people from asking. While she is happy to remind her readers that such a question can be hurtful, she asks you to remember that it is likely not intentionally so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an introvert and only go out when I want to do so. I feel that my time is my own, after retiring from a very demanding and responsible position where I was constantly working with other people to solve their problems.

So when people knock on my door, I simply do not want to be bothered. I'm just curious: Is there anything wrong with ignoring it? I only have one person who drops by.

GENTLE READER: Even young people in positions of little responsibility (other than to make trouble) have Miss Manners' blessing not to answer their front door -- assuming, of course, it was not in response to a previously issued invitation, and that they refrain from making their presence too obvious by glaring through the curtains.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It appears that servers at casual-dining establishments are not trained to remove trash from tables. Every time I dine at one, my companions and I are soon faced with a pile of trash on the table and no place to put it: paper straw wrappers, creamer cups, used sugar packets and the sticky papers that are used in place of napkin rings.

Either I gather up this debris and dispose of it at the hostess stand or in the restroom, or it sits there the entire meal.

Yes, I can ask the server to take it, but I feel awkward holding onto small handfuls of trash and handing them to a server. What does Miss Manners advise? Am I doomed to look at trash for my entire meal?

GENTLE READER: Although the availability of non-casual dining declines every day, Miss Manners would like to believe that there is limited overlap between restaurants with paper napkins and those that employ roving waitstaff. As she waits for it to disappear entirely (the use of paper napkins, not formal dining), she has no objection to your pushing the detritus into a neat pile under the shade of the artificial floral centerpiece.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While sharing a vacation home with another couple, I offered to cook a special meal. Everyone agreed to this. My wife and I were the guests of the other (more affluent) couple.

When it was about time to prepare the meal, all of the others, including my wife, crowded the kitchen and made snacks for themselves. Was it wrong for me to be offended by this behavior, and what should I have said?

GENTLE READER: "Begone! You must give the chef room to create!"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How long does one need to keep something that is left behind at your house and ensure it's in the same condition when returned?

For example, a cooler, which its owner forgot when they left dinner in a huff because they got mad at their brother (whole other story there).

I've made repeated attempts to get them to come get it, as I cannot drive due to medical conditions. I do not have a garage, so I kept it inside my home for a long time. The owner eventually said to keep it outside and they will get it when they can. Well, it's covered in pollen and sometimes collects rain, so I keep having to clean it.

Do I even have a responsibility to make sure it is returned in good condition when I have tried to return it?

GENTLE READER: Once you have asked that the item be reclaimed, the item -- and also the person to whom it belongs -- is on a deadline.

The length of that deadline will depend on the value of the item to the owner, how much of an imposition it is on you to store it, and your relationship to the owner -- any of which may change over time.

Although Miss Manners does not limit the value of an item to its monetary value, she presumes that a cooler can have little sentimental value, and that it takes up space. As your fondness for the owner diminishes, so, too, may the cleanings.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)