DEAR MISS MANNERS: There are two ways people start a statement that I find extremely infuriating. They are: "No offense, but ..." and "I'm sorry, but ..."
These are invariably followed by something sexist, ageist or racist, or by repeating what the other person just said, then saying why that person is wrong and doesn't know what they are talking about -- period, end of subject.
When this happens to me, I am usually so angry that I say nothing, but I seem unable to let it go. Is there anything that would be appropriate in response?
GENTLE READER: For the first, "You are right. That's pretty offensive."
Miss Manners realizes that the offender was, instead, asking for a pass to be offensive without consequences. Your response is to say that it has not been granted.
For the second, "I can see why you are sorry. I'm sorry, too." End of discussion.