DEAR MISS MANNERS: There are two ways people start a statement that I find extremely infuriating. They are: "No offense, but ..." and "I'm sorry, but ..."

These are invariably followed by something sexist, ageist or racist, or by repeating what the other person just said, then saying why that person is wrong and doesn't know what they are talking about -- period, end of subject.

When this happens to me, I am usually so angry that I say nothing, but I seem unable to let it go. Is there anything that would be appropriate in response?

GENTLE READER: For the first, "You are right. That's pretty offensive."

Miss Manners realizes that the offender was, instead, asking for a pass to be offensive without consequences. Your response is to say that it has not been granted.

For the second, "I can see why you are sorry. I'm sorry, too." End of discussion.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I invited four couples to be our guests for dinner at one of the nicer restaurants in town. I wanted to use proper place cards, but my husband didn't want to appear "stuffy."

We greeted our guests near the entrance to our private dining room, which was close to the head of the table. One of our guests made a beeline to the other end of the table and sat at what should have been my place. I was going to say something, but Husband gently took my hand and signaled I should remain silent.

I found it difficult to smile and be polite while Husband's friend took the lead in the conversation and acted as though he was the host of our party. Husband doesn't understand why I'm so steamed, and says, "It's just a chair!" He said next time I should leave my purse in the chair to save it, if it's so important to me.

Where I come from, it's common knowledge that the host and hostess sit at the ends of the dining table. To usurp the hostess' chair would be a great show of disrespect for the hostess and an insult to the host. Such an act could easily cause a feud.

Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Has etiquette relaxed so much that guests can sit where they please without regard to their hosts?

GENTLE READER: Has etiquette relaxed so much that hosts don't tell their guests where to sit?

Oh, that's right, you don't want to appear stuffy. Miss Manners hears that word a lot from people who do not want to follow procedures that have been worked out to make things orderly.

Telling guests what arrangements you have made for their comfort -- for example, a seating plan that puts potentially compatible people together -- is not offensive. On the contrary.

If you did not tell your guests where to sit at the table, you left them to fend for themselves, and they did. To deduce from this that your guests intended to insult you is, indeed, making a big deal out of nothing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: There is a saying that is very common nowadays, and it bothers me. When I go to the bank, the post office or the grocery store and finish my transaction, the employee will often say, "Have a good one!"

What does that even mean? Have a good what? Do I get to remove the word "one" and fill it in myself with "day," "night," "holiday," "vacation" ...?

Where did this saying come from? Why can't people use more words and be intentional about what they say? I think it is an odd saying, and a lazy one, but I don't ever correct anyone who says it to me. I just reply with something like, "Have a good day!"

GENTLE READER: Most likely they cannot be more intentional because they do not know your plans. And Miss Manners feels certain that you would prefer this brief comment to a lengthy conversation so they can find out.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend and I traveled out of town to attend an event. The event started at 2 p.m., and we agreed to meet at her home at 11 a.m. to drive to the destination together. Meeting at 11 allotted ample driving time, plus additional time for exploring the neighborhood prior to our event.

I left my home and made my way to her address. As I approached her home at 11:03, I received a call from her, apparently concerned that it was three minutes past our meeting time and I had not yet arrived. I was within a minute of arriving, and in fact, parked my car shortly after answering the call.

Considering that we were not on a strict deadline and it was only three minutes past, I was surprised and upset that she felt the need to call me and inquire about my whereabouts. I felt a bit like a child being chastised by her mother. Was she out of line? Was I?

Perhaps I should have sent her a quick message to let her know I would be there shortly, but since I was driving, I did not feel compelled to do so. What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That while your friend was perhaps being overly fastidious, you are making up for it with outsized outrage.

Miss Manners suggests gentle teasing over admonishment or deeply rooted resentment: "A little worried about punctuality, are we? Next time, I'll send my ETA, but I knew I would be there almost exactly at the proposed time. I didn't want to bother you with an extra phone call -- especially while I was driving."

That your friend felt no such compunction for your safety will be implied.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I fly, I choose the aisle seat because I don't want to feel "hemmed in," as I do in the window and middle seats. But inevitably, the person in the window seat in my row puts the shade down so they can sleep. This makes me feel a little claustrophobic.

I have learned to grin and bear it, but it is annoying and feels rude. The window occupant never asks if it is OK with the rest of us in the row to close the shade.

Is the window occupant the sole ruler of the shade? Do I have a right to ask for it to stay open? What is the etiquette here?

GENTLE READER: There are so few comforts to flying these days that Miss Manners is inclined to be indulgent on the small perks afforded to any given seat.

In her opinion, the advantages to each are as follows: The aisle has leg room and bathroom access, the middle gets right of first refusal to the armrests, and the window seat affords privacy and, well, the window.

If anyone wants access to another's benefits, we have to work together (although Miss Manners has noticed that on some flights and at certain times, window shade status is mandated by airline staff). As long as everyone is polite, each may ask the other for whatever they like.

And then all of us have to adjust when the airlines change their rules at whim.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Since the pandemic, I have put on weight, and I've gotten a number of comments about it from workmates and friends. Some people will blurt something out thoughtlessly, but I've had a number of more deliberate comments that have really hurt my feelings.

For example, a cousin pointed out that I looked ... (insert meaningful pause) ... "well." Someone at work once asked me, "Wow, have you lost weight?" to trap me into embarrassing myself. (They knew very well that I hadn't.)

To be honest, I am happier now than I have been for many years: I went to a doctor to get help with my sleep issues, I am working on my anxiety and I had some of my teeth capped. I feel better about myself now, and don't want to be body-shamed anymore.

Please help me with how best to respond. These comments shouldn't bother me, but they really hurt my feelings.

GENTLE READER: It is impolite to comment on someone's weight in any form, but Miss Manners would be remiss if she did not point out that the two examples you give are not, in and of themselves, insults. Or if they were, attempts were made to politely disguise them. She simply wishes to caution you against looking for insults or subtext if there is a chance that none was intended.

Nevertheless, you may object to any comments on your appearance with a curt, "How kind of you to notice" -- followed by the "meaningful pause" that your cousin so pointedly used.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)