DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a proper reaction to people who brutally insult or criticize you, but immediately follow it up with "just kidding"?

My wife's sister uses the phrase constantly. On a recent visit, she disapproved of the meal, noted my recent 10-pound weight gain and disliked our new sofa -- she wasn't asked for her opinion on any of these things -- and then said she was joking. I don't find it funny.

GENTLE READER: Justifying rudeness by accusing the victim of not getting the joke is indecent. It is also not the act of a person who is genuinely funny.

Miss Manners therefore counsels you to ignore the insult implied with each "just kidding" instance -- namely, that you have no sense of humor -- and let your unamused demeanor make clear what you think of the overt ones.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've been training my dog not to lunge on the leash whenever we pass another dog. Toward this end, when another dog is approaching us, I'll pull my puppy girl off the sidewalk, get her attention, make her sit, then give her treats.

Fortunately, my doggie will do anything for a treat. Unfortunately, the other dog walker in this equation almost always tries to make small talk with me while I'm engaged in this training routine. They approach me and my errant dog, who will again start to lunge, and ask if their dog can meet my dog.

Have I mentioned that my sweet pup weighs 90 pounds and doesn't know her own brute strength? I've been dealing with this by ignoring the other dog walkers, but quite frankly, that feels rude of me. But if I were to split my attention, things could get ugly, as my doggie is prone to meltdowns if she doesn't get her treat.

Is there a polite solution here? I've got it under control otherwise, and my pup is making great progress.

GENTLE READER: Ignoring someone who is speaking to you is rude when a quick response -- "I'm sorry, no. She's not fully trained yet" -- would surely not be a great risk. If you wish to be more emphatic so as to get rid of them sooner, Miss Manners authorizes you to grit your teeth slightly and look as if you are about to be overpowered by your sweet pup.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I commute to work every day on a train, and I am a fast walker. I prefer to hustle across streets and generally time my commute based on my quick walking pace.

I will occasionally leave work with a co-worker who is walking to a train station, or may catch up to someone I know at an intersection on my way in. What are the protocols for walking with or past a colleague?

GENTLE READER: Say hello and apologize that you have to run ahead, as you are late.

While Miss Manners recognizes that this feels less comfortable when the co-worker is the boss instead of your assistant, remember it will be balanced by the pleasure that person will feel that you take your responsibilities so seriously.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I don't understand when someone asks, "Are you busy tomorrow?" or "What are you doing Friday?" If you say "no" or "nothing," it's like you're automatically free to do them a favor. I find this very rude.

If I want to ask for something, I always say, "Are you busy tomorrow? Because I need a ride to the doctor" or whatever.

How do I counter the assumption that since I'm not busy, I want to do something for them? Sometimes I just want to do nothing.

How can I politely tell someone I don't want to watch their kids or go shopping with them?

GENTLE READER: Your complaint is valid, but for consistency, Miss Manners suggests you revise your own script when you are doing the asking. Opening with "Are you busy tomorrow because ... " is what we are trying to stamp out, even if your construction gives the recipient a few seconds to think up a prior commitment.

The answer, when you are asked about your own schedule, is "Why?" -- which Miss Manners instructs you to deliver with a winning smile, not a suspicious sulk.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were invited to my best friend's house to have dinner with her and her cousin. We had only been there a short time when the cousin began berating a church for allowing gay marriage.

I waited for my friend to say something, but she did not. I said, "We disagree about this subject, so let's not discuss religion or politics." I began a conversation about other topics, but the cousin continued to make comments about undocumented people, open borders, school lunches, etc.

The cousin then asked me about my daughter's recent engagement. I said she was with a very nice man originally from Syria. She said that he must be in a terrorist cell. I, of course, said, "Absolutely not."

My friend said nothing. I was in her home and couldn't say what I really wanted to say. We finished our meal quickly and left.

A few days later, I asked my friend why she did not stop the cousin from insulting my family. She denied hearing the insults and gave the excuse that she had had too much wine. My friend was seated beside me and had to have heard the remarks.

My friend said she was sorry, but I am still upset that she didn't defend me. My feelings are deeply hurt and my friendship with her has changed. Should I just get over it?

GENTLE READER: Not being entirely clear what steps are involved in getting over it, Miss Manners takes you to be asking if you should accept your friend's apology, and whether you are right to let it affect the friendship.

The former will depend on how sincere you judge the apology to be, and the latter on how likely she is to place you in a similarly outrageous position in the future.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why has it become socially acceptable for online funding campaigns to be made for everyone and everything? Social media is flooded with them, each one asking for thousands of dollars, and it feels excessive.

Am I missing something, that this has become acceptable? Or is it the guilt of people who feel the need to make a page for a struggling loved one that has caused the increase?

I especially cannot understand when a campaign surpasses its goal and people keep donating, rather than shifting the money to another cause -- or the organizer shutting it down.

I understand the financial burden a tragic event can cause, but where is the line drawn?

GENTLE READER: Socially acceptable? Says who?

Well, greedy people who are perfectly solvent but want more, and expect to get it from acquaintances, friends and strangers alike -- that's who. Oddly enough, they are not the arbiters of proper behavior.

Miss Manners, who is, recognizes that begging may be the last resort of people in desperate circumstances, or that generous people may organize relief for the victims of tragedy.

But then there are the "everyone and everything" demands: those who have dreams that they cannot afford -- a trip, a lavish wedding -- and want others to finance. Or, as you point out, those who continue to solicit money for a problem that has been solved.

No, those efforts are not socially acceptable.

They are, however, socially ignorable. Your charitable donations should be made to the causes you deem most worthy of help, and you should resist intimidation from those who merely deem themselves worthy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We request your advice on whether it is acceptable to issue (and accept) wedding invitations after the first batch has gone out.

We received an invitation to a local wedding, and it is clear from the timing and information on the couple's website that most invitations were sent much earlier. We would like to attend, but my wife is concerned that there is something unseemly about not being included in the initial invite list.

I think it makes sense that we are backup guests. The bride and our daughter were best friends in elementary school, and our families became close and vacationed together. The girls drifted apart in middle school, and so did the adult friendship. But we have fond memories of the bride and her family.

GENTLE READER: It is unfortunate that social postings have made so much known that shouldn't be.

For hosts to have a B list is not wrong; predicting how many invitations will be accepted is next to impossible, and including others when there is room is sensible.

But making it known who is on the B list is wrong. As guests should respond immediately (this is Miss Manners living in a dream world), the batches of invitations should be mailed no more than a week apart.

Nevertheless, it is not an insult to discover that distant friends would like to have you, but give priority to closer ones. Whether or not you attend should depend on your feelings about them -- whether you still like them and their daughter enough to be part of their family occasion.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)