DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why has it become socially acceptable for online funding campaigns to be made for everyone and everything? Social media is flooded with them, each one asking for thousands of dollars, and it feels excessive.

Am I missing something, that this has become acceptable? Or is it the guilt of people who feel the need to make a page for a struggling loved one that has caused the increase?

I especially cannot understand when a campaign surpasses its goal and people keep donating, rather than shifting the money to another cause -- or the organizer shutting it down.

I understand the financial burden a tragic event can cause, but where is the line drawn?

GENTLE READER: Socially acceptable? Says who?

Well, greedy people who are perfectly solvent but want more, and expect to get it from acquaintances, friends and strangers alike -- that's who. Oddly enough, they are not the arbiters of proper behavior.

Miss Manners, who is, recognizes that begging may be the last resort of people in desperate circumstances, or that generous people may organize relief for the victims of tragedy.

But then there are the "everyone and everything" demands: those who have dreams that they cannot afford -- a trip, a lavish wedding -- and want others to finance. Or, as you point out, those who continue to solicit money for a problem that has been solved.

No, those efforts are not socially acceptable.

They are, however, socially ignorable. Your charitable donations should be made to the causes you deem most worthy of help, and you should resist intimidation from those who merely deem themselves worthy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We request your advice on whether it is acceptable to issue (and accept) wedding invitations after the first batch has gone out.

We received an invitation to a local wedding, and it is clear from the timing and information on the couple's website that most invitations were sent much earlier. We would like to attend, but my wife is concerned that there is something unseemly about not being included in the initial invite list.

I think it makes sense that we are backup guests. The bride and our daughter were best friends in elementary school, and our families became close and vacationed together. The girls drifted apart in middle school, and so did the adult friendship. But we have fond memories of the bride and her family.

GENTLE READER: It is unfortunate that social postings have made so much known that shouldn't be.

For hosts to have a B list is not wrong; predicting how many invitations will be accepted is next to impossible, and including others when there is room is sensible.

But making it known who is on the B list is wrong. As guests should respond immediately (this is Miss Manners living in a dream world), the batches of invitations should be mailed no more than a week apart.

Nevertheless, it is not an insult to discover that distant friends would like to have you, but give priority to closer ones. Whether or not you attend should depend on your feelings about them -- whether you still like them and their daughter enough to be part of their family occasion.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was shopping at a local grocery store, looking for Italian breadcrumbs. Searching the aisles, I couldn't find them. I came upon a lady also obviously looking for something, and I innocently asked her if she'd seen the breadcrumbs.

Her response floored me. She said, "Why -- because I'm a woman?"

My response was, "No, because I'm making meatloaf."

I took a boys' cooking class in ninth grade, and I have spent a lot of time in the kitchen during my 29-year career as a professional firefighter.

GENTLE READER: It doesn't take much to insult people nowadays, does it?

This one doesn't even make sense. Did your restrained reply show the lady how ridiculous she was being?

An unfortunate side effect of the current emphasis on "identity" is that people commonly assume that theirs is under attack, even in obviously benign situations such as this one. But while you were not insulting her gender, Miss Manners will take the opportunity to insult her manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband thinks that if I ask for something without saying "please," it is inherently rude. In addition, he will point it out and refuse to help in any way until I say "please," even if I am in the middle of taking care of one or both of our toddlers. He even does this in front of our extended families.

Both of us frequently ask our 3-year-old daughter to say "please" to teach her good manners, and we will refuse to give her a treat, etc. until she does. However, I find my husband's habit very rude, especially when done in front of company. It feels like I'm being treated like a 3-year-old.

I do try to politely request help, but my husband thinks there's no such thing as politely asking for something without specifically saying "please."

What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: By your own account, you are behaving worse than you expect a 3-year-old to behave.

Miss Manners would like to make your and your husband's child-rearing efforts simpler by reminding you that children pay attention to what their parents do, often at the expense of what the parents tell them to do.

Therefore, you should always accompany a request with "please," not just to avoid undercutting your daughter and annoying your husband, but because it is the right thing to do.

And he should stop criticizing you in public, which, despite provocation, is the wrong thing to do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At what time does saying "Good afternoon" change to "Good evening"?

GENTLE READER: At 6 p.m., sundown or whenever you arise from your afternoon nap.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I invited a new co-worker and his wife over for dinner and didn't ask them to bring anything.

I was a little surprised when they brought their own pre-dinner drinks -- two bottles of an imported craft beer for him, plus two cans of tonic and a water bottle containing 4 ounces of artisan gin for her.

She even brought her own tea bag for after dinner, and a small container of just enough organic whole milk to put in one cup. They said they're very specific and "a bit snobby" in what they drink -- only certain brands, etc. -- so they always bring their own.

I try to have a well-stocked bar for guests (and already had the gin they brought) and I was a little embarrassed. BYOB reminds me of college parties 25 years ago.

We didn't say anything to them about it, but my partner thought it was rude and way too fussy. Is it bad manners to bring your own drinks, and just enough for yourselves, if a host hasn't asked you to? And should we keep those brands on hand in case we ever invite them over again?

GENTLE READER: Of course this is rude. It would be entirely different if they had an allergy or severe restriction. But in this case, they have admitted that these are only preferences -- and they are not even willing to share.

Given that, Miss Manners would not necessarily waste time gathering their current selections. Anyone who admits to that level of specificity and snobbery may change tastes again quickly -- and will likely quibble with whatever you provide.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it me (a 75-year-old retired elementary school teacher) or the younger generation?

I attended a popular musical, only to lose my faith in teens and their parents. Girls around and behind me were constantly humming/singing along (softly). I turned around and gave them a shushing face at least three times before the mom tapped me on the shoulder, asking me "what's my problem."

I said, "The singing."

Mom's response, "Others are doing it, too."

Me: "It's annoying."

After I left my seat to cool down, I came back to a different seat, only to have someone else behind me singing CONSTANTLY. I turned and gave her a look. Her mother ended up telling me to stop looking at her daughter. I left my seat again, after which the usher showed me to a seat in the back so I could watch the last five minutes in peace.

Fortunately, I had not paid a lot for my ticket. What bothered me the most was the lack of proper etiquette in a theater, and that rather than correct their children, the mothers scolded me.

Is this a generational thing? I will think twice before going to another popular show. More than one usher volunteered to say something, but I did not want to cause any more of a scene than I had already.

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners does not condone it, she has noticed that singalongs for popular musicals have become common -- whether they are advertised as such or not.

Rather than bemoan an entire generation or give up the theater entirely, she suggests that you take the ushers up on their offers to fight your battles for you, or find you a quieter corner.

They should also get a handle on their patrons' frequent seat-swapping.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)