DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was shopping at a local grocery store, looking for Italian breadcrumbs. Searching the aisles, I couldn't find them. I came upon a lady also obviously looking for something, and I innocently asked her if she'd seen the breadcrumbs.

Her response floored me. She said, "Why -- because I'm a woman?"

My response was, "No, because I'm making meatloaf."

I took a boys' cooking class in ninth grade, and I have spent a lot of time in the kitchen during my 29-year career as a professional firefighter.

GENTLE READER: It doesn't take much to insult people nowadays, does it?

This one doesn't even make sense. Did your restrained reply show the lady how ridiculous she was being?

An unfortunate side effect of the current emphasis on "identity" is that people commonly assume that theirs is under attack, even in obviously benign situations such as this one. But while you were not insulting her gender, Miss Manners will take the opportunity to insult her manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband thinks that if I ask for something without saying "please," it is inherently rude. In addition, he will point it out and refuse to help in any way until I say "please," even if I am in the middle of taking care of one or both of our toddlers. He even does this in front of our extended families.

Both of us frequently ask our 3-year-old daughter to say "please" to teach her good manners, and we will refuse to give her a treat, etc. until she does. However, I find my husband's habit very rude, especially when done in front of company. It feels like I'm being treated like a 3-year-old.

I do try to politely request help, but my husband thinks there's no such thing as politely asking for something without specifically saying "please."

What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: By your own account, you are behaving worse than you expect a 3-year-old to behave.

Miss Manners would like to make your and your husband's child-rearing efforts simpler by reminding you that children pay attention to what their parents do, often at the expense of what the parents tell them to do.

Therefore, you should always accompany a request with "please," not just to avoid undercutting your daughter and annoying your husband, but because it is the right thing to do.

And he should stop criticizing you in public, which, despite provocation, is the wrong thing to do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At what time does saying "Good afternoon" change to "Good evening"?

GENTLE READER: At 6 p.m., sundown or whenever you arise from your afternoon nap.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I invited a new co-worker and his wife over for dinner and didn't ask them to bring anything.

I was a little surprised when they brought their own pre-dinner drinks -- two bottles of an imported craft beer for him, plus two cans of tonic and a water bottle containing 4 ounces of artisan gin for her.

She even brought her own tea bag for after dinner, and a small container of just enough organic whole milk to put in one cup. They said they're very specific and "a bit snobby" in what they drink -- only certain brands, etc. -- so they always bring their own.

I try to have a well-stocked bar for guests (and already had the gin they brought) and I was a little embarrassed. BYOB reminds me of college parties 25 years ago.

We didn't say anything to them about it, but my partner thought it was rude and way too fussy. Is it bad manners to bring your own drinks, and just enough for yourselves, if a host hasn't asked you to? And should we keep those brands on hand in case we ever invite them over again?

GENTLE READER: Of course this is rude. It would be entirely different if they had an allergy or severe restriction. But in this case, they have admitted that these are only preferences -- and they are not even willing to share.

Given that, Miss Manners would not necessarily waste time gathering their current selections. Anyone who admits to that level of specificity and snobbery may change tastes again quickly -- and will likely quibble with whatever you provide.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it me (a 75-year-old retired elementary school teacher) or the younger generation?

I attended a popular musical, only to lose my faith in teens and their parents. Girls around and behind me were constantly humming/singing along (softly). I turned around and gave them a shushing face at least three times before the mom tapped me on the shoulder, asking me "what's my problem."

I said, "The singing."

Mom's response, "Others are doing it, too."

Me: "It's annoying."

After I left my seat to cool down, I came back to a different seat, only to have someone else behind me singing CONSTANTLY. I turned and gave her a look. Her mother ended up telling me to stop looking at her daughter. I left my seat again, after which the usher showed me to a seat in the back so I could watch the last five minutes in peace.

Fortunately, I had not paid a lot for my ticket. What bothered me the most was the lack of proper etiquette in a theater, and that rather than correct their children, the mothers scolded me.

Is this a generational thing? I will think twice before going to another popular show. More than one usher volunteered to say something, but I did not want to cause any more of a scene than I had already.

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners does not condone it, she has noticed that singalongs for popular musicals have become common -- whether they are advertised as such or not.

Rather than bemoan an entire generation or give up the theater entirely, she suggests that you take the ushers up on their offers to fight your battles for you, or find you a quieter corner.

They should also get a handle on their patrons' frequent seat-swapping.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work at a convenience store near my home. I see the store's regulars every day, and of course we become friendly. Some I like more than others.

Occasionally, a customer will ask me for my phone number, claiming we should get together. This request comes from both male and female customers, some interested in friendship and some in romance.

Since I am not interested in pursuing any friendships or relationships with customers, how do I gracefully deny the request for my number?

GENTLE READER: "Sorry, I never give out my personal phone number, but you can usually find me here. Right by the sundries aisle." (Miss Manners does so love sundries.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A couple of old friends and I had planned a dinner at their house. When I got there, they both greeted me and the husband explained that his wife was sick with a bad cold (not COVID, thankfully).

I immediately said that I would go and we could reschedule it when she was better. Both of them insisted I stay. It seemed awkward no matter what I did, leaving or staying.

My sick friend went back to bed, and I wound up sticking around and actually making dinner. I considered suggesting that the husband and I go out to a restaurant, but abandoning his wife when she was sick seemed like the worst option.

Since then, I have thought I should have just left, but they were so insistent in the moment, it just seemed gauche. What should I have done?

GENTLE READER: Not what you did, which led to having your protests rebuffed and your exposure to sickness increased, all while making the dinner that was promised to you.

You should have left, covering their protests with good wishes for a quick recovery and a postponed dinner.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Some months ago, my husband and I bought a house. The prior owners were around during the process more often than is typical, and our closing went smoothly. In fact, one agent said it was the easiest closing they'd ever been to.

One of the owners fist-bumped me in celebration, and I said, "That's what happens when everyone behaves like adults." His wife was less enthusiastic because she loved the house and was sad to be leaving it. She seemed to be on the verge of tears.

Fast-forward to a few days ago. While eating at a restaurant, I recognized the couple when they were seated near us. They did not appear to recognize us, and they were with other people. Given the circumstances, I thought it was best not to greet them because I didn't want to create an awkward situation, especially given how emotional the wife had been about leaving the house.

I feel a little weird about it now, but my rational side believes I did the right thing. If we run into them again, though, I may be inclined to acknowledge them, if the situation allows for it.

What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That saying hello to someone you recognize is not an invitation to hear how you ruined their lives.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)