DEAR MISS MANNERS: I invited a new co-worker and his wife over for dinner and didn't ask them to bring anything.

I was a little surprised when they brought their own pre-dinner drinks -- two bottles of an imported craft beer for him, plus two cans of tonic and a water bottle containing 4 ounces of artisan gin for her.

She even brought her own tea bag for after dinner, and a small container of just enough organic whole milk to put in one cup. They said they're very specific and "a bit snobby" in what they drink -- only certain brands, etc. -- so they always bring their own.

I try to have a well-stocked bar for guests (and already had the gin they brought) and I was a little embarrassed. BYOB reminds me of college parties 25 years ago.

We didn't say anything to them about it, but my partner thought it was rude and way too fussy. Is it bad manners to bring your own drinks, and just enough for yourselves, if a host hasn't asked you to? And should we keep those brands on hand in case we ever invite them over again?

GENTLE READER: Of course this is rude. It would be entirely different if they had an allergy or severe restriction. But in this case, they have admitted that these are only preferences -- and they are not even willing to share.

Given that, Miss Manners would not necessarily waste time gathering their current selections. Anyone who admits to that level of specificity and snobbery may change tastes again quickly -- and will likely quibble with whatever you provide.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it me (a 75-year-old retired elementary school teacher) or the younger generation?

I attended a popular musical, only to lose my faith in teens and their parents. Girls around and behind me were constantly humming/singing along (softly). I turned around and gave them a shushing face at least three times before the mom tapped me on the shoulder, asking me "what's my problem."

I said, "The singing."

Mom's response, "Others are doing it, too."

Me: "It's annoying."

After I left my seat to cool down, I came back to a different seat, only to have someone else behind me singing CONSTANTLY. I turned and gave her a look. Her mother ended up telling me to stop looking at her daughter. I left my seat again, after which the usher showed me to a seat in the back so I could watch the last five minutes in peace.

Fortunately, I had not paid a lot for my ticket. What bothered me the most was the lack of proper etiquette in a theater, and that rather than correct their children, the mothers scolded me.

Is this a generational thing? I will think twice before going to another popular show. More than one usher volunteered to say something, but I did not want to cause any more of a scene than I had already.

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners does not condone it, she has noticed that singalongs for popular musicals have become common -- whether they are advertised as such or not.

Rather than bemoan an entire generation or give up the theater entirely, she suggests that you take the ushers up on their offers to fight your battles for you, or find you a quieter corner.

They should also get a handle on their patrons' frequent seat-swapping.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work at a convenience store near my home. I see the store's regulars every day, and of course we become friendly. Some I like more than others.

Occasionally, a customer will ask me for my phone number, claiming we should get together. This request comes from both male and female customers, some interested in friendship and some in romance.

Since I am not interested in pursuing any friendships or relationships with customers, how do I gracefully deny the request for my number?

GENTLE READER: "Sorry, I never give out my personal phone number, but you can usually find me here. Right by the sundries aisle." (Miss Manners does so love sundries.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A couple of old friends and I had planned a dinner at their house. When I got there, they both greeted me and the husband explained that his wife was sick with a bad cold (not COVID, thankfully).

I immediately said that I would go and we could reschedule it when she was better. Both of them insisted I stay. It seemed awkward no matter what I did, leaving or staying.

My sick friend went back to bed, and I wound up sticking around and actually making dinner. I considered suggesting that the husband and I go out to a restaurant, but abandoning his wife when she was sick seemed like the worst option.

Since then, I have thought I should have just left, but they were so insistent in the moment, it just seemed gauche. What should I have done?

GENTLE READER: Not what you did, which led to having your protests rebuffed and your exposure to sickness increased, all while making the dinner that was promised to you.

You should have left, covering their protests with good wishes for a quick recovery and a postponed dinner.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Some months ago, my husband and I bought a house. The prior owners were around during the process more often than is typical, and our closing went smoothly. In fact, one agent said it was the easiest closing they'd ever been to.

One of the owners fist-bumped me in celebration, and I said, "That's what happens when everyone behaves like adults." His wife was less enthusiastic because she loved the house and was sad to be leaving it. She seemed to be on the verge of tears.

Fast-forward to a few days ago. While eating at a restaurant, I recognized the couple when they were seated near us. They did not appear to recognize us, and they were with other people. Given the circumstances, I thought it was best not to greet them because I didn't want to create an awkward situation, especially given how emotional the wife had been about leaving the house.

I feel a little weird about it now, but my rational side believes I did the right thing. If we run into them again, though, I may be inclined to acknowledge them, if the situation allows for it.

What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That saying hello to someone you recognize is not an invitation to hear how you ruined their lives.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At an event where almost everyone is seated, am I rude for asking someone standing in front of me to sit down? Or is that person more rude?

I realize that there are several scenarios where it's tough cookies for me if I decide to sit, such as a stadium rock concert or a pep rally. That, I get.

What I don't get is people who act like it's no big deal to stand in front of anyone seated. To me, that is the height of inconsideration. They seem to get offended and argue with me -- no matter how polite I am -- when I ask them to sit. I am beginning to think that what I consider "polite" might not meet someone else's definition.

Is there a more polite way for me to ask folks to sit down, or am I out of luck?

GENTLE READER: Questions about who is being the rudest do not generally appeal to Miss Manners, whose mission is to make everyone more polite, not to keep score.

But asking someone to sit down is not inherently rude, so long as you phrase it as a question, not a demand -- and can avoid conveying, at the same time, what you think of the offender.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I belong to a community group that plays mah-jongg once a week. We are a friendly bunch that welcomes inexperienced players.

Most newcomers tend to play very slowly and are aware they are holding up the game. Different newbies handle the situation in various ways. For example, one person might sit out every other game, while another might play only one game each session. Gradually, everyone who likes the game and sticks with it learns to play and joins in more and more.

There's never been a problem until now. A recent addition to the group insists on playing every game. She takes an enormous length of time to decide what tile to discard, checking and rechecking the card for a possible winning hand.

The result is that the rest of the people at her table spend most of the two hours we have to play sitting and waiting. We have tried starting a low-volume conversation while we wait, but she joins in, which only makes matters worse. We have tried in a friendly way (as we have done with others) to give her some tips that are helpful for beginners. So far, she hasn't followed our advice.

How would Miss Manners handle the situation?

GENTLE READER: You would, Miss Manners hopes, consider it unsporting if you hid the rules of the game from new players. So why make them guess at the etiquette?

Agree upon a system and tell the newcomers what is expected. Almost any system will do: that newcomers are assigned a partner, are instructed to sit out every other game, or are given the duty of replenishing the snacks. Any of these would give the more experienced players some relief.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)