DEAR MISS MANNERS: At an event where almost everyone is seated, am I rude for asking someone standing in front of me to sit down? Or is that person more rude?

I realize that there are several scenarios where it's tough cookies for me if I decide to sit, such as a stadium rock concert or a pep rally. That, I get.

What I don't get is people who act like it's no big deal to stand in front of anyone seated. To me, that is the height of inconsideration. They seem to get offended and argue with me -- no matter how polite I am -- when I ask them to sit. I am beginning to think that what I consider "polite" might not meet someone else's definition.

Is there a more polite way for me to ask folks to sit down, or am I out of luck?

GENTLE READER: Questions about who is being the rudest do not generally appeal to Miss Manners, whose mission is to make everyone more polite, not to keep score.

But asking someone to sit down is not inherently rude, so long as you phrase it as a question, not a demand -- and can avoid conveying, at the same time, what you think of the offender.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I belong to a community group that plays mah-jongg once a week. We are a friendly bunch that welcomes inexperienced players.

Most newcomers tend to play very slowly and are aware they are holding up the game. Different newbies handle the situation in various ways. For example, one person might sit out every other game, while another might play only one game each session. Gradually, everyone who likes the game and sticks with it learns to play and joins in more and more.

There's never been a problem until now. A recent addition to the group insists on playing every game. She takes an enormous length of time to decide what tile to discard, checking and rechecking the card for a possible winning hand.

The result is that the rest of the people at her table spend most of the two hours we have to play sitting and waiting. We have tried starting a low-volume conversation while we wait, but she joins in, which only makes matters worse. We have tried in a friendly way (as we have done with others) to give her some tips that are helpful for beginners. So far, she hasn't followed our advice.

How would Miss Manners handle the situation?

GENTLE READER: You would, Miss Manners hopes, consider it unsporting if you hid the rules of the game from new players. So why make them guess at the etiquette?

Agree upon a system and tell the newcomers what is expected. Almost any system will do: that newcomers are assigned a partner, are instructed to sit out every other game, or are given the duty of replenishing the snacks. Any of these would give the more experienced players some relief.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a woman who works in a male-dominated industry, where I have earned a leadership role. I regularly attend industry events where spouses are included, and I love meeting my co-workers' spouses.

However, I am frequently asked who in the room I am married to, or whether I am married to my (male) boss. Sometimes other people in the industry will even ask these questions.

I usually say something along the lines of, "I work for Company X," but it doesn't feel like enough. I've worked hard for my position, and it is frustrating for people to assume I'm a guest.

Do you have any suggestions for how I might respond?

GENTLE READER: Include your title when introducing yourself. Miss Manners trusts that that will be shaming enough, and can therefore be done subtly: "I'm the vice president of Company X," rather than "I'm your boss."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 69 years old, with a 29-year-old daughter who lives at home with my husband and me. Growing up, my family always expected us kids and young adults to help out around the house whenever possible. We were never asked; we were told we should offer at all times.

Well, I brought my daughter up that way. However, for the last four to five years, she has never volunteered -- she says she should be asked!

I disagree, and this has caused a tremendous strain on our relationship. Is it proper to offer to help, or to wait until asked?

GENTLE READER: It would be more polite of your daughter to volunteer, but she has not thought this through. Perhaps what you have chosen to object to (her not volunteering to help instead of not actually helping) has led her to believe she will never be asked.

Miss Manners would have you ask kindly, but constantly, which will lead to one of two outcomes: Your daughter will get tired of being asked, and simply do the work. Or, she will object to having to contribute, which will lead to a more substantive discussion about family responsibilities.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an avid magazine subscriber and reader. When I am done with my magazines, I pass them on to several people, depending on their interests. If I want to keep an article or a recipe from one of them, I have been making copies of those pages, but I would prefer to just tear them out (as the recipes often have side notes, etc.).

When one passes along a magazine, should it be whole? If I tear out recipes or articles, should I just recycle the rest of it? I am the one paying for the subscription, so I feel that I may use the magazine as I want before passing it on. Or does the recipient have a right to receive a whole magazine?

GENTLE READER: Rights are something to which a person is intrinsically entitled -- or, if Miss Manners may be permitted to move from constitutional law to etiquette, something you are not required to say "thank you" for (though you still may).

All your beneficiaries should expect is a friendly warning that you retained the dessert recipe. Better that than a whole magazine covered with chocolate stains.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was growing up, I was taught that under no circumstances did one point a blade, or any other sharp object, at another person. When handing a knife or a pair of scissors to someone else, one handed the article with the handle toward the recipient and the blade tip pointed toward oneself. Similarly, when setting the table, the knife blade always pointed toward one's own plate, never toward that of another, and when resting the knife on the plate after cutting one's food, the knife blade pointed toward oneself and never toward any other diner. It was considered the height of rudeness to do otherwise.

We were taught that this custom originated when utensils might be used in an aggressive (and possibly deadly) manner against one's dining companions, so pointing the blade toward oneself (and keeping one's blade hand in view at all times) provided some assurance that one did not intend to harm the company -- at least not during dinner.

In recent years, it seems as though this custom has largely disappeared. When correcting nieces, I have been informed by my sibling (one of their parents) that I am completely wrong and that the blade is always pointed outward, whether in the place setting or when resting on the plate. I have not been able to find a reference to any change in the handling of blades in any reputable source.

Has the blade rule changed? What is the etiquette for the proper handling of sharp, pointed objects?

GENTLE READER: Changed? Do you think that we few whose lifework it is to bring a bit of civilized behavior into a contentious world have time to fiddle with a perfectly workable rule? That we would bark out revisions such as, "OK, everybody! Switch your knives around!"

This rule dates from a time before hosts provided the place settings, when diners brought their hunting knives to the table -- and these were handy if the dinner conversation turned contentious.

Do you think that possibility is so unlikely now that the rule needs to be reversed?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My father has never been a stickler for manners or etiquette. However, at every birthday celebration, he insists that slices of cake be placed sideways on a person's plate with the frosting on the left and top so that you "eat toward the frosting." I agree with the frosting at the top of the plate for visual reasons, but I can't get behind the "frosting to the left" mandate. Is he correct?

GENTLE READER: No; the cake slice (unlike the knife) should point directly at the person who is about to demolish it. However, Miss Manners will grant an exception for your father's birthday.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am so tired of being addressed as "Ms. (Name)" during phone calls, when I do not refer to myself that way. I tell them that (Name) is my first name, not my last. How should I handle this?

GENTLE READER: By dropping it. There is no need to teach people not to treat you with respect. Most people will do that anyway.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)