DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received the most beautiful earrings from a new boyfriend for my birthday. When I opened the box to wear them, there was a price tag hidden in the jewelry box itself. I am sure he did not see it to remove it.

The jewelry was significantly more expensive than I had expected. There is a little guilt now, knowing the price and not saying anything. Do I say anything or let it be?

GENTLE READER: As the price does not, from an etiquette point of view, affect their value -- even if the Hope Diamond hung from one of the earrings -- Miss Manners can only conclude that you felt your thanks were inadequate to the emotion being expressed.

She will leave it to your mother to explain what is implicitly communicated by accepting expensive presents from beaux.

If you keep the earrings anyway, she counsels another, more effusive, round of thanks next time you wear them -- without mentioning that you now know their value for insurance purposes.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A young colleague is expecting her first child. I am very happy for her, although I feel conflicted about how the celebration has been communicated. She invited colleagues to purchase items from her registry by the date of her baby shower -- to which there was no invitation. This communication went out via office email. I should add that this colleague's superior is the head of human resources.

Is it appropriate to ask for contributions for an event you were not even invited to?

GENTLE READER: In descending order, Miss Manners is not fond of: mandated socializing at the workplace, dunning anyone for gifts, and gift registries.

Dunning non-guests had not previously made her list, but we can add it.

Having it done by someone at work in a position that carries professional authority over the victims is both rude and a terrible employment practice -- something she would recommend bringing to the attention of human resources were they not, themselves, the offenders.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I recently ate with family at a fine-dining restaurant. We have been there several times, and the food is excellent. The only problem I have is that I do not enjoy watching the chef prepare dishes tableside. The process is intrusive, and I do not like the cooking smells and the fire so close to the table.

Do you think it would be rude to ask that our food be prepared in the kitchen and then served at the table?

GENTLE READER: Fine dining and dinner-and-a-show are generally opposite extremes in formality. But Miss Manners recognizes that flambe-ing the dessert can be done without the cook also cleaning his hands on your napkin before tossing it back onto your lap.

If you see the server reaching for a match, you are certainly free to ask that the preparation not be done at the table. So long as you have the strength to ignore the disappointed look on the waiter's face.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When is it acceptable to ask for a different table when being seated at a restaurant?

My husband and I have a favorite restaurant, which does not take reservations. In the past month, we have been seated once by the restrooms and once by the kitchen.

The second time, I politely asked the hostess if we could have another table, and she gracefully complied. I thanked her profusely and made sure to leave a good tip for our waiter. The restaurant was busy, but there were plenty of open tables and no waiting time, so I didn't feel I was being unreasonable.

My husband was upset and told me I shouldn't have asked to be seated elsewhere. He sulked for a good part of the meal.

This has happened before, and while I will sometimes accept the seating to avoid an argument, it often makes the meal less appetizing for me. The nearness to a restroom and its accompanying traffic and smells is unpleasant, and if there are open seats elsewhere, I will ask to be reseated.

Am I wrong to do so? I would greatly appreciate your opinion.

GENTLE READER: But your husband will not. The etiquette problem here is not the seating, but the sulking.

He has made the common mistake of believing that a restaurant is something more than a commercial establishment, which benefits from satisfying its customers. In your case, especially, as you are regular customers, the opportunity to please you by making a simple adjustment should be welcome -- as it apparently was.

Miss Manners is aware that restaurants have their share of rude customers, who behave as if the kitchen staff were their personal chefs and reprimand the staff as if they were their own (mistreated) servants. But you are not one of them.

Your husband, however, mistakes restaurateurs for social hosts, whom it would be rude to criticize. Specifically, he is thinking of the mean sort of social hosts, who make a hobby of snickering at everyone's table manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was shopping at a popular store and noticed that my favorite bar soap was on sale at a shelf-clearing price. I loaded up my cart with rhapsodic thoughts of not having to return to buy soap for quite some time, and stood in line at the cash register.

Two very elderly ladies looked at my soap haul and one of them exclaimed, "You couldn't possibly be THAT dirty!"

I then noticed that their cart was brimming over with rolls and rolls of toilet paper. I was tempted, oh boy was I tempted, to respond that they couldn't possibly be that full of ... but instead counted to 10 and simply smiled as sweetly as I could muster.

Do you admire my restraint, Miss Manners?

GENTLE READER: Immensely.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know it is customary to still send a gift to a couple getting married when you are unable to attend the event. Does the same custom include other types of parties, like graduations or retirements?

GENTLE READER: No, it is not customary, even for weddings. Miss Manners doesn't want to ruin anyone's fundraising projects, but only congratulations and best wishes are required.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attempt to use proper etiquette in my daily life. I'm far from perfect, and mistakes happen, but I do try my hardest to be polite in all things.

A former friend of mine said, on numerous occasions, that he believes my use of etiquette is merely performative.

I once asked him if we could stop at a store so I could purchase a cupcake as an apology for a director. (I had gotten sick and missed a scheduled rehearsal.) My then-friend refused to take me, as I was "trying too hard to be liked."

Things like my love of homemade gifts and handwritten letters were also criticized as attempts to be unique and likable, not genuine acts of etiquette.

I will admit that I do enjoy being known as a polite and charitable person, but I don't know how to respond to an accusation of only using manners as a means to an end. Is that a thought I should even entertain?

GENTLE READER: Just what the society needs: a denunciation of kindness and consideration for others. As this is a former friend, Miss Manners trusts that you no longer need to annoy him with your thoughtfulness.

It is no great insight to notice that etiquette is performative. There are formulas for words and gestures to convey intention and emotion. If you inconvenience someone, even inadvertently -- or justifiably, in your case with the missed rehearsal, as it involved illness -- you apologize as an acknowledgment of that person's feelings. Accompanying this by a token present gives it extra charm. A handwritten letter shows appreciation for others' efforts.

But are these expressions of genuine emotion? Is the convict who expresses remorse really sorry, or just hoping for a lighter sentence?

How can we know? Some villains are good actors. Nevertheless, we want to hear the criminal concede that crime is wrong.

Your former friend argues that our behavior should reflect our true feelings, however offensive they may be. (A great many people are already doing this, and those on the receiving end of honest nastiness resent it.) He also does not believe that good feelings could be genuine.

And he further argues that it is wrong to want other people to like you. Why, exactly, is that?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in the service industry at a desk. I am often passed by people saying, "How you doing?"

What is the right response?

They really don't want to hear a long reply, so I am not sure how to respond. I have sometimes responded with "I am good, how are you?" but that seems to halt their progress past the desk. I have sometimes said nothing, but that seems rude, as does answering with just "I am good." I thought about just saying "hi," but that seemed kind of rude as well. Please give me a good response.

GENTLE READER: This is a version of "How do you do?" -- a phrase that is correctly pronounced without a questioning tone. It is now misunderstood to be a serious inquiry, rather than a simple greeting.

The response, in your case, is therefore "How you doing?" -- although Miss Manners would also accept "Fine, thanks; and you?"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)