DEAR MISS MANNERS: When showing people around your house, and you come to a staircase, who goes first? The guest or the shower?

GENTLE READER: By "the shower," Miss Manners assumes you mean "the one who is showing the house" and not "the plumbing stall that is curiously being pushed up the stairs."

The old-fashioned rule was that a lady would precede the gentleman up the stairs in case she were to fall -- ensuring that he could then assist her.

In this case, however, and no matter the gender, Miss Manners picks the shower to go first. This has the benefit of reducing the number of times one must say, "No, you want to go to your left at the top of the stairs. No, left!"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the years, I have participated in all my family's and friends' weddings, showers and birthdays. My husband and I don't have children.

My cousins are now starting to invite us to their children's baby and wedding showers. I will never be able to retire if I start another generation of gift-giving. What do you suggest?

GENTLE READER: That you tell your family to cease procreating immediately.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several old friends and I have planned a girls' weekend at a world-famous music festival in a beautiful city this summer. But one of the four recently insisted, in a group text, that she did not want to spend her valuable dollars on things she doesn't care for -- namely, classical music, opera or chamber music. These are the focus of this festival and the reason we chose that particular weekend.

I mentioned that the festival includes jazz and blues, and she responded that she had recently attended the best jazz festival in the nation.

No one else responded to what seemed, to me, like a line drawn in the sand. What am I to do?

I am a one-glass-of-wine person, and thus don't favor what I think this friend has in mind: a bender or "party hard"-type of weekend, with evenings spent ordering a lot of expensive food, cocktails and wine at restaurants, followed by more drinking at the city's bars.

I would like to attend one of the festival's events each night, preceded or followed by dinner (with a normal amount of drinking). I actually don't know what the others want. Should I just make up an excuse not to attend?

GENTLE READER: Not before trying to salvage it for yourself and your other friends: "I am so sorry that you are having second thoughts about the weekend's activities, but we specifically chose this time and location so that we could attend the concerts. If you still want to attend, we are happy to meet you before or afterwards for meals or a drink. That is my proposal, but I'll let the others weigh in."

At which point, Miss Manners has little doubt that the rest will follow suit. Or you will be divided and can split off. Or at least you will have your definitive answer and a reasonable excuse not to attend.

But you should not feel coerced into doing something you do not wish to do when you all had decided that this is what you wanted to do. Surely your friend can enjoy her bender elsewhere.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I don't list my birthday on social media because I don't want it recognized. Somebody wished me a happy birthday on my page anyway, and only four people responded. Embarrassing to no end! However, I can see that the post was viewed by at least 20 of my family members, who did not respond.

My irritation is that these same family members will send me birth, graduation and wedding announcements, requiring me to give a gift. I think it was insulting to not at least write a line wishing me a good day.

How should I now answer their own announcements?

GENTLE READER: Uh. What happened to not wanting to have your birthday recognized?

Is it possible that those 20 family members knew that you do not like birthday attention and were merely adhering to your wishes? Or is it just more fun to resent their acknowledging their own milestones -- considering them blatant gift grabs and unseemly cries for attention -- because you would never stoop that low?

Regardless, Miss Manners does not suggest that you have to reply to their announcements -- just that you appreciate the irony.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am fortunate to be invited to many showers (baby and wedding) for younger family members. I am elderly and on a very limited income. I don't have any skills such as knitting, crocheting, etc.

Could you please suggest some gifts that would be welcome and appreciated, but that would also be affordable?

GENTLE READER: Shower presents should be, by their very nature, affordable. So the only real trick here is to ignore the inevitable and persistent registries and financial requests.

Miss Manners recommends bibs, diapers and onesies for babies -- and maybe for newlyweds too, depending on how much they plan to overdo it at the various wedding parties.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are your thoughts on wedding gifts for second, third or fourth marriages?

For a second marriage, I myself do not send a gift, just a "best wishes/congratulations" card. For a third, fourth, etc., I do not send anything or attend.

GENTLE READER: Why? Are you protesting?

Admittedly, it can be exhausting and expensive to support multiple attempts at marriage that you feel certain are doomed to fail. But as these matrimonial optimists are presumably friends and relatives, not even acknowledging their weddings seems to Miss Manners a bit callous.

She assures you that a "best wishes" card does not signify condonation of the union. But it also does not justify saying "I told you so" -- even if that is warranted.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I moved into a new building with a call box and common entry. For first-time visitors, I typically meet them at the common entry to either show them into my home or see them off at the end of our visit.

Once they transition to repeat visitors, though, would it be considered polite to continue to walk back to the common entry with them? Or is just seeing them in/out the door of my second-floor home OK?

GENTLE READER: The latter is fine. Although double-checking that the entry is adequately lit is always kind. Especially if they have enjoyed a few drinks with you before departing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have three kids, ages 4, 9 and 12. The oldest and youngest have no problem writing thank-you notes for gifts. They actually get excited and try to pick out exactly the card or paper they think the gift-giver would like best.

Our middle child used to enjoy it the same way, but now she refuses. We've talked about why we write thank-you notes, but she consistently argues that no one else in her class does this. Some of our peers (we're in our 30s) think we're being too hard on her and echo the "No one does that anymore" thought process.

Are we wrong? Is this really something that kids aren't expected to do anymore? I feel that writing a simple three-sentence letter is a reasonable expectation for her age.

GENTLE READER: One of the side effects of everyone pretending to be a child well into their dotage is that we forget that some arguments are, frankly, childish.

That your 9-year-old's classmates are badly behaved -- assuming it is true -- should carry as much weight as the argument that Ethan's mom lets him have candy for dinner and stay up all night.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We were guests at a gathering when the host, during a story, stated, "I knew I was headed east because my brother told me the full moon rises in the east."

I commented that all phases of the moon rise in the east. She was irate and told me her sibling knew what he was talking about -- he was in the Navy. She was so aggressive, I did not reply.

Should I have explained that I was a science teacher and that the moon and the stars -- including the sun -- appear to rise in the east because of the Earth's rotation? Should I have explained any of this later, in private? Or should I have simply let it go?

GENTLE READER: Although Miss Manners understands your professional instinct to provide answers, her response to your question is: none of the above.

You should have let the host tell her story. Irrespective of your being right about celestial mechanics, correcting her, in the context in which you did, called attention to her ignorance. It could be justified if the mistake were likely to bring its owner to immediate grief. But the worst that would happen in this case is that your host will one day repeat her story in front of her naval sibling, who will laugh at her for having misunderstood him.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude not to push a chair back to the table when you exit it? My husband drives me to distraction by leaving chairs pulled out at odd angles away from the table.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette's only interest in the final disposition of the chairs is that they not be left where they can cause accidents. This means not leaving them in a position to block others from coming or going, and not pushing them back to the table if they still contain other diners.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)