DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are planning a wedding, and have far more loved ones we would like to invite than the venue (and our budget) will allow. For that reason, we reluctantly constructed "A" and "B" guest lists.

The "A" list was composed primarily of local members of our two large families, plus very close friends who are members of the wedding party. The people on the "B" list are equally loved and valued friends, plus more distant relatives. The idea, of course, was that as regrets arrived from the "A" list, we would be able to extend invitations to those on the "B" list.

But then, etiquette disaster: We were using an online platform to collect address information for the guests, and unfortunately, about 25 friends and family on the "B" list received invitations.

Yikes! What do we do?

GENTLE READER: It will not convince your somewhat-near-and-dear -- and therefore will not convince Miss Manners -- to argue that you did not send the invitations, the computer did. Taking responsibility for events that (you will argue) were not your fault used to be understood to be the occasional burden of being an adult.

One of the rules of having a "B" list is never admitting that you do, which would pose a problem even if you were not contemplating another etiquette no-no: rescinding an invitation. The polite thing to do is to change your plans, including the venue, so that you can accommodate all your guests.

Miss Manners realizes that such a suggestion is scandalous because it assumes that the feelings of your friends and relatives are more important than The Bride's Day or the wedding planner's itinerary.

However, Miss Manners will bow to modern sensibilities enough to suggest a compromise: Apologetically reissue the invitations -- to everyone -- to a revised event, which you will now have to host, albeit on a much-reduced scale.

If even this proves to be too much of a challenge, consider eloping and never returning.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son permits his cat to eat and rest on his kitchen table. This is very unpleasant to me, especially at our mealtime. He finds my distaste for this behavior amusing and he refuses to remove the cat. Am I wrong to take my meal elsewhere to dine?

GENTLE READER: Was that not what your son intended?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a gathering where someone forgot her glasses, I volunteered to take them to her. While doing so, I accidentally dropped them in the street at night and they got run over by a car. What is my financial responsibility?

GENTLE READER: Before we get to that, you have some apologizing to do.

Miss Manners realizes your intentions were good, but the unfortunate result is that you have deprived this person of something of presumably vital importance that may be troublesome to replace.

You may need to offer logistical and, yes, financial help in replacing them -- more if you add to the annoyance by blurting out the hilarious story of how the old pair ended up under the car.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law works for a company by ordering products and shipping things out. For several years, I've noticed she will spend the company's money on herself. She pays for shipping her Christmas gifts with the company account, and her house is furnished with their "damaged goods."

I've mentioned to her that I thought she could get in trouble if they caught her, but she is a fierce know-it-all type. The more it happens, the less I like her. What she does is simply wrong, and I don't know how to look the other way.

Do I need to just turn my head, or is it OK to reach out to her company?

GENTLE READER: As your mother-in-law is on a crime spree, the legal and moral arguments for turning her in are readily apparent. You are therefore, presumably, asking Miss Manners for the etiquette.

The etiquette is that, if you do choose to report your mother-in-law, you should express a moral conflict about coming forward that you may not actually feel. Of course, the person you should really be speaking with is your spouse, who may have their own opinion on the best course of action -- presuming this behavior does not run in the family.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over 10 years ago, I held a leadership position on a not-for-profit arts organization's board. One of my fellow board leaders was an older man who publicly presented himself as a nice person, but was very critical and downright mean to me in private. He once ripped me up and down in a phone call about board business.

Since leaving the board after my term expired, I have avoided being in his presence, as our paths don't normally cross. I'm now advising a group of graduate students in a consulting project, and he is an adviser to their client.

He will certainly attend the students' final presentation, and I will have to acknowledge his presence. But I cannot bring myself to say, "Nice to see you," as nothing could be further from the truth.

The presentation may be held online, in which case I may be able to avoid an awkward encounter, aside from the obligatory around-the-table intros. But I would love to hear your suggestions (other than a simple, "Hello, Fred") if the meeting is in person.

GENTLE READER: All of Miss Manners' suggestions will be variations on "Hello, Fred," which seems entirely serviceable to her.

As the problems with this man only arose in private, she will just add "Goodbye, Fred" -- in the instance that a one-on-one encounter seems likely.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My grandkids appear not to have been taught never to talk with their mouths full. How should I approach the parents on this subject in order to save their otherwise marvelous kids embarrassment in the future?

GENTLE READER: As you have not ruled out embarrassing these children in the present, Miss Manners recommends dispensing with the middlemen. Complain gently that you cannot understand them when they speak while chewing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Three years into the pandemic, I have been lucky to have had just two close calls with COVID, both while traveling for work. Otherwise, I am quite good about wearing a mask whenever I am indoors.

In both cases, I was exposed while dining with the infected person, who may have been asymptomatic at the time of the meal. On the first occasion, the exposure required me to reroute my return trip, at some inconvenience. On the second occasion, I contracted COVID and had to isolate in a hotel room for nearly a week before flying home.

I was disappointed that in neither case did the person offer an apology.

Is a person who likely transmitted COVID to another person obliged to apologize for doing so? Or are we at a point where people have given up fighting the disease and feel no obligation toward others?

GENTLE READER: Or have they just given up apologizing, on the grounds that it implies guilt?

Of course, these individuals did not intend to give you COVID. Being asymptomatic, they may have felt they had taken reasonable precautions.

But equally of course, they should be sorry that they infected you. Very sorry, and very apologetic. Even if they did not know about having given it to you, they should have been in touch with anyone they might have exposed.

People seem to have the notion that saying "I'm sorry" is an admission of guilt that might be used against them (when actually, apologies have been known to head off lawsuits). The word "sorry" is now so connected with the idea of purposeful wrongdoing that people who express sympathy to the bereaved are sometimes asked, "Why are you sorry? It's not your fault."

It is too bad, because apologies help smooth the rough parts of life. Miss Manners hopes you feel better -- physically, if not about society.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How can we offer ways to give wedding gifts without implying that they are expected?

My daughter's fiance comes from a different country. Most of his parents' friends and family will not be able to attend the wedding, but have requested instructions for gift-giving. Registries are not common where we live, and cash gifts are the norm. Mailing checks in a different currency is not practical.

We will be sending a streaming link to all those who cannot attend, and we have considered that this email would also be a useful place to point out how gifts can be sent, for those who wish to do so. We have received such links in the past, and frankly, it's a convenient way to send cash gifts: no fear of checks being stolen, lost, deposited late, etc. But it still feels wrong to suggest it.

Is there any phrasing that makes it clear that there is no expectation of a gift, but that those who are moved to give one can avail themselves of a convenient link -- one that will work in their country and ensure the gift is received by the happy couple abroad?

GENTLE READER: Yes. Give instructions only to those who have asked for them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)