DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a cocktail party that was attended by a mix of current friends and people I didn't know. After making some rounds, I went up to an old friend, Ethan, who was talking to someone I didn't know, and asked how they were both doing.

The person I didn't know said, "Excuse me, but Ethan was sharing something very personal with me. Do you mind giving us some time?"

Ethan responded by introducing me: "This is my good friend Mike, who I've known for many years." (He has.) "He is well aware of the relationship issue we were talking about." (I am.) Then Ethan included me in the conversation.

Still, I felt like perhaps I should have given them some space. Or maybe the new guy was wrong for trying to shoo me away.

Should I have excused myself, or should the new guy have kept his mouth shut?

GENTLE READER: The proper thing to say when someone approaches and inadvertently interrupts a private conversation is a quiet, "To be continued ..." But Miss Manners assures you that any shoo-ing or exclusionary tactics are territorial moves and not at all polite.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What's the proper etiquette if you've accidentally pulled into a parking space someone else was waiting for -- without realizing they were waiting for it, and honestly without having been reasonably able to see that they were, because they were past it, facing the opposite direction, without a blinker on? And what if they then get out of their car when you do, saying that you stole their spot?

I wouldn't have parked there if I'd thought they were waiting to do so. But once I'd parked, it also didn't feel like their claim on the spot met a threshold for me to put my daughter back in her car seat, jump back in the driver's seat, pull out and find a different space.

In this instance, all I could think of to say was, "This was your spot? I didn't see a blinker on." I then continued to unload while the gentleman stood there waiting for me to get back in the car.

After thinking about it further, the situation feels similar to when you see available street parking on the opposite side of the road, pull a U-turn to return to it, and find that someone driving along has gotten there before you: frustrating because you saw it first, but not due to any rudeness on the other driver's part.

If you didn't back up and signal for the space, can you really claim it's yours? Or am I rationalizing my own behavior? I also got a disapproving head shake as they entered the establishment after me.

GENTLE READER: "I am so sorry, but I did not see you waiting" is all that is necessary, especially for an innocent mistake. Intimidation tactics, Miss Manners assures you, are never justified. No matter how frustrated the spot claimer may be.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate way to respond when someone asks, "What are you doing here?" This often happens when I run into friends, acquaintances or co-workers in the small city we live in.

Do I need their permission to be in their part of town (which is less than 2 miles from my home)?

What about when I'm talking about a cool venture that a friend from a different town is starting, only to hear, "I didn't know you guys were friends"? Do I have to justify to people how we became friends and explain how often we talk? These remarks never sound curious, but accusatory.

I'm on my last nerve and am about to say something sarcastic to the next person who does this!

GENTLE READER: Do your friends truly think you need their permission to be out and about?

You know them best, but it seems unlikely -- which would make a sarcastic retort unprovoked as well as rude. The greatest threat to public civility used to be rudeness, but Miss Manners fears that taking offense when none is intended (or, in this case, given) is catching up.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have season tickets to our local basketball team. Our favorite snack at the arena, by far, is peanuts. But I always feel guilty eating them, because there is no way to crack the shells without making a mess.

There isn't even a receptacle to put the empty shells into, so they just end up on the floor. I always feel bad for the arena staff who have to clean up after us -- but at the same time, the arena sells peanuts, so I imagine it is the expectation of the cleaning staff that some people will eat them and the shells will then have to be cleaned up.

Is it OK to eat peanuts at the game? Or should we skip our favorite snack?

GENTLE READER: What happened to the bag the peanuts came in?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few years ago, I went through a very bad time with PTSD. My workplace referred me to a psychologist, and I spent a year working closely with him before I was well enough to do without the therapy.

He was an awesome therapist and gave me some great tools to cope with things and live life (mostly) normally. I think of him often, with appreciation for all the help. (There are no romantic feelings; I am very happily married.)

I have considered sending him a thank-you card to express my appreciation, but am not sure if that would be awkward. If it had been any other kind of professional, I wouldn't have any second thoughts about it, but because it is a therapist, I am hesitant. Are there rules for thanking therapists?

GENTLE READER: Thanking any professional for work done is gracious and, almost always, appreciated. The only rule is that the form of the thanks not be such as to be mistaken for something else.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a politically liberal person with like-minded friends. Occasionally, in the course of a conversation, a friend advises me that my use of a word or phrase was unacceptable.

I've read that terms I should no longer use include previously neutral terms such as "depressing," "battle," "minefield," "the poor," "the disabled" and also "field," as in academic fieldwork. (I'm not referring to racial or ethnic slurs, which were never neutral.)

I don't mind if other people observe such rules, but I don't appreciate being told that I shouldn't have used a term that the listener found objectionable, especially when there is no one present who would have taken my remark personally.

What would be a polite response when a friend criticizes my choice of words?

GENTLE READER: To think that one would long for the days when rude people knew they were being rude -- instead of patting themselves on the back for their righteousness.

As Miss Manners cannot condone returning one rudeness with another, she advises you to nod neutrally and finish your train of thought. While this may seem insufficient, she assures you that it is the worst punishment of all: It denies your critics what they most want, which is to score a point against you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend has a mustache and a goatee. Lately, I am averse to the odor of foods that he has eaten, which linger in his facial hair, and find it hard to engage in kissing.

I have mentioned this to him, but he only becomes offended, and takes no steps to remedy the problem. What do you make of this?

GENTLE READER: That your boyfriend has not thought through the consequences.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After a houseguest departed, I discovered multiple places where they had "helped," but ultimately made more work for me. For example, when taking out my recycling, I found a layer of food scraps that I had to painstakingly remove.

Is there a polite way of bringing up such things before or during their next visit? While I can be vigilant and collect dishes and food scraps myself, that still leaves the possibility of other ways, known and unknown, in which they are likely to try to help.

This isn't the first guest who has done this. I am frustrated, and find myself designing a curriculum for a class for my guests. But I suspect that will not come off well.

GENTLE READER: As even roommates, spouses and children (Miss Manners makes no claim about whether these are distinct groups) may occasionally fail to follow house rules, temporary houseguests must be allowed more latitude.

Holding a class would be insulting, not to mention poorly attended, but it is also unnecessary. A proper guest asks before doing anything significant. A proper host may remind them of this by offering, "Let me know if you need anything or are not sure where something goes," and by taking out of their hands things that should not be done -- with the assurance of, "Please let me do this; you are my guest."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)