DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a politically liberal person with like-minded friends. Occasionally, in the course of a conversation, a friend advises me that my use of a word or phrase was unacceptable.

I've read that terms I should no longer use include previously neutral terms such as "depressing," "battle," "minefield," "the poor," "the disabled" and also "field," as in academic fieldwork. (I'm not referring to racial or ethnic slurs, which were never neutral.)

I don't mind if other people observe such rules, but I don't appreciate being told that I shouldn't have used a term that the listener found objectionable, especially when there is no one present who would have taken my remark personally.

What would be a polite response when a friend criticizes my choice of words?

GENTLE READER: To think that one would long for the days when rude people knew they were being rude -- instead of patting themselves on the back for their righteousness.

As Miss Manners cannot condone returning one rudeness with another, she advises you to nod neutrally and finish your train of thought. While this may seem insufficient, she assures you that it is the worst punishment of all: It denies your critics what they most want, which is to score a point against you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend has a mustache and a goatee. Lately, I am averse to the odor of foods that he has eaten, which linger in his facial hair, and find it hard to engage in kissing.

I have mentioned this to him, but he only becomes offended, and takes no steps to remedy the problem. What do you make of this?

GENTLE READER: That your boyfriend has not thought through the consequences.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After a houseguest departed, I discovered multiple places where they had "helped," but ultimately made more work for me. For example, when taking out my recycling, I found a layer of food scraps that I had to painstakingly remove.

Is there a polite way of bringing up such things before or during their next visit? While I can be vigilant and collect dishes and food scraps myself, that still leaves the possibility of other ways, known and unknown, in which they are likely to try to help.

This isn't the first guest who has done this. I am frustrated, and find myself designing a curriculum for a class for my guests. But I suspect that will not come off well.

GENTLE READER: As even roommates, spouses and children (Miss Manners makes no claim about whether these are distinct groups) may occasionally fail to follow house rules, temporary houseguests must be allowed more latitude.

Holding a class would be insulting, not to mention poorly attended, but it is also unnecessary. A proper guest asks before doing anything significant. A proper host may remind them of this by offering, "Let me know if you need anything or are not sure where something goes," and by taking out of their hands things that should not be done -- with the assurance of, "Please let me do this; you are my guest."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have gone to several restaurants that have valet parking. When walking into the restaurant, there is a sign saying that there is an $8 service charge for the parking. Do we just pay the service charge, or do we give a tip in addition to the charge?

GENTLE READER: Restaurateurs are trying to change the commonsense meaning of "service charge."

To Miss Manners, and in standard usage, it means that the price of service is already on the bill. But now, it is not included in the cost of food -- presumably because the owners don't want to scare you by seeming to raise prices, and figure that you won't notice if it is listed separately.

Therefore, if you feel sorrier for the waitstaff or the valet parkers than the owners do, you should still tip. Miss Manners does.

That is not to say that she lacks sympathy for the trials of the restaurant business. If food costs the restaurants more, it is only right that they charge more. But she could do without that little subterfuge.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can you please advise me on how to quickly and politely end a call with a customer service agent after the issue I'm calling about has been resolved?

The agents often continue to ask if they have addressed all my needs and if there is anything else they can do for me. This feels like a script that they are required to read.

I would like to just get off the phone. Sometimes I will just say, "Thank you, you've been helpful" and then hang up, but that doesn't quite feel right. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That of course it is a script, not an attempt by the agents to prolong the pleasure of conversing with you. And that it is not much of a burden to reply, "Thank you, goodbye."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An old college friend contacted me because her mother was in a nursing home, in poor health. I had been close to her mother -- to the whole family, in fact -- at one time, although I had not heard from her in about 20 years. (There was no rift, just busy lives in different parts of the country.)

I accepted the invitation to come visit her ailing mother and to stay in my friend's home. They live in a city about 1,200 miles away. I drove out there (my preference), which took three days and two overnight stops.

On the evening I arrived, my friend told me that her adult son had come for a surprise visit. He was occupying the guest room; I would have to stay elsewhere.

There was a bit of bother -- finding a place to stay at the last minute in an unfamiliar area -- and a bit of expense, but it all proved manageable. But I have sometimes wondered: What would be the correct thing for a hostess to do in such circumstances?

GENTLE READER: Put the son on the sofa.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a married woman, over 65 years old, who has a number of platonic friendships with men.

Having moved away from my hometown years ago, I often visit there, sometimes for a week or two at a time. An old friend who is a single man about my age has a comfortable home there and enjoys my company. Therefore, when I visit this city, I stay with him.

It is not a large space, but we have figured out solutions so that I have my own area in which to sleep and have some privacy. This arrangement seems natural to me, and also to my husband.

My problem is that a close, longtime female friend finds this inappropriate, and her opinion on the issue is affecting our friendship. I have asked her if she thinks that this man and I are involved sexually and she responds that she is "not sure."

Am I wrong to believe that men and women can have platonic relationships and that spending nights under the same roof is a socially acceptable practice?

GENTLE READER: Why are you and your husband not chortling at the picture of your good friend speculating about your possible wickedness?

As Miss Manners recalls, there was, indeed, a time when it was assumed that any male and any female who were left unsupervised would go right to it.

Now, despite hookup culture, we have had to face the disappointing fact that we are just not perpetually all that sexually charged. One should not assume that even opposite-sex roommates are up to any activity more exciting than video games.

Also, society has learned -- well, not to mind its own business, but at least to register less shock. Time was when wedding guests might question whether a bride was "entitled" to wear a white dress. That nasty bit of fun was spoiled when the maid of honor could be the couple's daughter, or the best man her previous husband.

Your friend seems not to have noticed the change in attitudes. Miss Manners would be inclined to let her enjoy herself wondering about your scandalous behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is the pasta spoon used widely in Italy? If not provided one at a restaurant or at someone's home, should one request it? Or does the fact that a spoon has not been supplied indicate that one isn't needed or shouldn't be used?

GENTLE READER: The answer will antagonize countless Italian Americans, which is certainly not Miss Manners' intention. Those whose grandparents used the spoon believe that it is a proper Italian custom.

But this usage developed in America, and is not practiced by grown-ups in Italy, where the spoon is used only to teach small children the crucial skill of twirling pasta. Mi dispiace.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was taught to say "excuse me" whenever I unintentionally burp in polite company. What should I do if I break wind?

GENTLE READER: Direct a surprised look at the nearest dog.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)