DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a university professor in my mid-60s, I feel very comfortable with my job. I find my daily interactions with students refreshing, and enjoy the company of several colleagues in the profession. I have a rich intellectual life.

I love what I do and do what I love. Unless I develop a severe disease, I plan to continue my work until I feel that it is time to stop.

Yet all kinds of people -- not only family and friends, but strangers I occasionally chat with on planes -- keep asking me why I have not retired. I never ask anybody else about their retirement plans, not even my closest friends.

I keep saying that I have a fulfilling and gratifying job, yet people insist. Is there a better answer?

GENTLE READER: "When you retire, you are probably going to want to pass on your wisdom to the next generation. I am lucky enough to do that for a living. Why should I stop?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are elbows still not allowed on dinner tables, fancy or otherwise?

GENTLE READER: The ban should be maintained, if only because of the wonderful phrase traditionally used to enforce it: "All joints on the table will be carved!" parents would bellow at offending children. It made such an impression that even today, people sprawled over tables have heard of the rule.

Many even exaggerate the rule, applying it to all times and all tables, whereas it is only meant to prevent that ugly posture of eating with a hand that lowers itself from above like a derrick tearing up a street.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son's family and I live in the same town, and we see each other often. When I am entering their home, my daughter-in-law often says, "Sorry about the messy house" or something similar.

I never know what to say to that, or if I should let it pass without acknowledgment. When she first came into our lives and began the "messy house" comments, I told her that my house would seldom be in perfect shape either, and that I hoped we wouldn't worry too much about each other's houses. I was hoping to take the pressure off and just enjoy being a family.

Since these comments continue, I need guidance. Being silent might seem like agreement that her house is messy, and I'm afraid of offending her by making a clumsy response. Is there a polite way to handle this?

GENTLE READER: "Why, that lazy, no-good son of mine. Do you want me to speak to him? But wait. Now that I look around, he did a pretty good job. It looks fine."

Miss Manners hopes that your daughter-in-law has a sense of humor, and doubts that she will want to keep feeding you the cue for that speech. In any case, it lets her know that you are not passing judgment on her.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in retail and have dealt with all types of people. Three years ago, I had cancer in my eye and had surgery to treat it. When I am tired -- which happens when working retail hours in a dry, old building -- the rim of my eye will turn red.

I am frustrated with the "no boundaries" type of customers, who often say to me, "Oh, your eye is so red!" or "What's wrong with your eye?"

My eye is as good as it will be. Is it appropriate for me to say to these customers, "It is none of your concern and it is not contagious"? Or do you have other suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Suggestion No. 1 is that telling customers to mind their own business will not be good for your business. Miss Manners would consider "It is not contagious" to be quite enough.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to send out an announcement after my son's small wedding? I want to let friends and family know. Should I provide an address for cards?

GENTLE READER: You are in luck, because there are traditional cards for just that purpose.

The formal announcement card is similar in wording to the wedding invitation, except that instead of saying the hosts "request the pleasure of your company," it says they "announce the marriage of ..."

You could put the couple's address on the envelope. Or you could go all out and enclose what was once known as an "at home card." This is a small visiting card with the couple's names and address, and a date after which they would be visitable -- presumably after the wedding tour.

Miss Manners must warn you that there will be people who see this as a bill, signifying that a present is due. But then there are a lot of people who now believe that any social notice is made for the purpose of extracting money and goods.

Pooh on them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I regularly go out to dinner with a few other couples. The wives are fond of sharing their food with each other -- trading bites. Often the husbands are asked to join in.

I simply do not like to participate in this. I feel my reasons are valid and nobody else's business. However, when I decline, there are usually comments from the wives that appear to be designed to make me feel antisocial because of my decision.

Other than agreeing to share, ceasing to dine with these folks or ordering sheep's brains, is there a way for me to handle this that might reduce, if not eliminate, these rude comments?

GENTLE READER: Has the pressure to share food come to this -- that you can't have a friendly dinner out without having to fight off predators?

You could say simply, "Please let me enjoy my meal." But you know one of those wives well enough (and it would be difficult to avoid ever eating with her) that Miss Manners would expect her to protect you -- perhaps by saying, "No, no, not the gentlemen; let's just keep it among ourselves."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I worked for a small company until recently. During my time there, I formed many wonderful personal and professional relationships. I left for a career-advancing opportunity.

Before I left, I was invited to come back and visit. My new position allows flexibility, so I have been able to come back and see my friends and former colleagues three times in the last 18 months. I am mindful of their time, and my visits are prearranged and short. It is my perception that these visits are welcome.

However, during my last visit, I was met with several remarks from former co-workers with whom I had not developed friendships. Their remarks (followed by nervous laughter) ranged from: "What are you doing here? You don't work here anymore" to "Are you just here to get the latest gossip?"

What is the best way to reply to these comments? Or is there really no reason to visit my former place of employment?

GENTLE READER: "Just visiting old friends" -- with the subtle, if not overt, implication that the people asking are not among them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My niece, a young adult attending college close by, is staying with us for the holidays since her parents live quite far away. This niece is the daughter of my husband's brother, and we have a big extended family. We have visited their home and stayed many times.

The problem is that the niece's mom does not seem to like receiving any updates or pictures of her daughter spending fun times with my children, who are around the same age. She simply does not want to acknowledge that her daughter is staying with us, for fear of being (or appearing) obligated to us.

I am wondering if it's rude of me to send her pictures when we take the kids out to a movie or another outing. To be clear, I am not posting these updates or pictures to social media, just sending them to her personally. She either doesn't respond or responds very awkwardly. I simply mean to share the cousins' experiences, but she appears to be taking offense.

I have decided to not send her any more updates. What is your take on the appropriate thing to do?

GENTLE READER: You are inferring your sister-in-law's intentions -- that she does not want to feel obligated to you -- but it seems to Miss Manners that it may just be painful to be away from her daughter. It is also possible that neither of us is right.

Nevertheless, this woman has made her distaste clear, and the best recourse is to cease sharing the pictures. If she wants to see them at a later date, she knows where to find you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)