DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in retail and have dealt with all types of people. Three years ago, I had cancer in my eye and had surgery to treat it. When I am tired -- which happens when working retail hours in a dry, old building -- the rim of my eye will turn red.

I am frustrated with the "no boundaries" type of customers, who often say to me, "Oh, your eye is so red!" or "What's wrong with your eye?"

My eye is as good as it will be. Is it appropriate for me to say to these customers, "It is none of your concern and it is not contagious"? Or do you have other suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Suggestion No. 1 is that telling customers to mind their own business will not be good for your business. Miss Manners would consider "It is not contagious" to be quite enough.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to send out an announcement after my son's small wedding? I want to let friends and family know. Should I provide an address for cards?

GENTLE READER: You are in luck, because there are traditional cards for just that purpose.

The formal announcement card is similar in wording to the wedding invitation, except that instead of saying the hosts "request the pleasure of your company," it says they "announce the marriage of ..."

You could put the couple's address on the envelope. Or you could go all out and enclose what was once known as an "at home card." This is a small visiting card with the couple's names and address, and a date after which they would be visitable -- presumably after the wedding tour.

Miss Manners must warn you that there will be people who see this as a bill, signifying that a present is due. But then there are a lot of people who now believe that any social notice is made for the purpose of extracting money and goods.

Pooh on them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I regularly go out to dinner with a few other couples. The wives are fond of sharing their food with each other -- trading bites. Often the husbands are asked to join in.

I simply do not like to participate in this. I feel my reasons are valid and nobody else's business. However, when I decline, there are usually comments from the wives that appear to be designed to make me feel antisocial because of my decision.

Other than agreeing to share, ceasing to dine with these folks or ordering sheep's brains, is there a way for me to handle this that might reduce, if not eliminate, these rude comments?

GENTLE READER: Has the pressure to share food come to this -- that you can't have a friendly dinner out without having to fight off predators?

You could say simply, "Please let me enjoy my meal." But you know one of those wives well enough (and it would be difficult to avoid ever eating with her) that Miss Manners would expect her to protect you -- perhaps by saying, "No, no, not the gentlemen; let's just keep it among ourselves."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I worked for a small company until recently. During my time there, I formed many wonderful personal and professional relationships. I left for a career-advancing opportunity.

Before I left, I was invited to come back and visit. My new position allows flexibility, so I have been able to come back and see my friends and former colleagues three times in the last 18 months. I am mindful of their time, and my visits are prearranged and short. It is my perception that these visits are welcome.

However, during my last visit, I was met with several remarks from former co-workers with whom I had not developed friendships. Their remarks (followed by nervous laughter) ranged from: "What are you doing here? You don't work here anymore" to "Are you just here to get the latest gossip?"

What is the best way to reply to these comments? Or is there really no reason to visit my former place of employment?

GENTLE READER: "Just visiting old friends" -- with the subtle, if not overt, implication that the people asking are not among them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My niece, a young adult attending college close by, is staying with us for the holidays since her parents live quite far away. This niece is the daughter of my husband's brother, and we have a big extended family. We have visited their home and stayed many times.

The problem is that the niece's mom does not seem to like receiving any updates or pictures of her daughter spending fun times with my children, who are around the same age. She simply does not want to acknowledge that her daughter is staying with us, for fear of being (or appearing) obligated to us.

I am wondering if it's rude of me to send her pictures when we take the kids out to a movie or another outing. To be clear, I am not posting these updates or pictures to social media, just sending them to her personally. She either doesn't respond or responds very awkwardly. I simply mean to share the cousins' experiences, but she appears to be taking offense.

I have decided to not send her any more updates. What is your take on the appropriate thing to do?

GENTLE READER: You are inferring your sister-in-law's intentions -- that she does not want to feel obligated to you -- but it seems to Miss Manners that it may just be painful to be away from her daughter. It is also possible that neither of us is right.

Nevertheless, this woman has made her distaste clear, and the best recourse is to cease sharing the pictures. If she wants to see them at a later date, she knows where to find you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I feel like there's a large generational gap that needs to be addressed. What is considered necessary or obvious to one generation is considered frivolous or foreign to another. Culture changes, and so do expectations regarding behavior.

I'm a younger millennial, turning 28 next month. Millennials and Generation Z have radically different attitudes than previous generations towards things like work culture, dining and even thank-you cards. We discuss our pay openly to promote equity in the workplace. We care more about how a dining partner treats the waitstaff than which fork he or she uses. And while we do appreciate everybody who gives us gifts, we simply do not place value on thank-you cards like previous generations. We understand the inherent gratitude one receiving a gift has for the giver. We show our appreciation through helping each other out and supporting one another, because our actions speak more loudly than our words.

It's not that we don't appreciate you or that we feel entitled to gifts. It's that our way of saying "thank you" is different. We don't expect to receive thank-you cards, so please don't expect us to send them.

In general, please do not expect the younger generations to act the same way yours does. Some manners are eternal; some change. It's OK to acknowledge this. I know this will likely fall on many deaf ears, but it's worth hearing the other perspective.

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners has always known that etiquette will often change with the times, expressing gratitude is something upon which she will not budge.

She is sure that your internal appreciation is brimming, but people who take the time to pick out presents -- or more likely, pay for them from your unsolicited wish list -- deserve the external and explicit kind. Miss Manners' inbox is full of complaints to that effect and she assures you that they are not just coming from the older generations.

(They also have old-fashioned notions about getting answers to their invitations, but we digress.)

As far as discussing pay, as long as this information is freely given and not rudely demanded, Miss Manners has no objection, although she would prefer it be confined to the workplace. Career talk in social situations is rarely titillating.

Treating waitstaff with respect and kindness is certainly obligatory. Doing so and using the correct fork, however, are hardly mutually exclusive.

One of the things that Miss Manners has been most impressed by in emerging generations is a fresh emphasis on being inclusive, promoting kindness and not stereotyping or labeling groups of people -- rather, appreciating differences and the individual.

She would gently encourage you to remember that when speaking on behalf of them. Your words might be construed as louder than your actions.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an 8-year-girl. Sometimes when I am at school, my friends ask me to play with them. Sometimes I don't want to, but I don't know what to say to them, so usually I say yes.

What should I tell them when they ask me? I don't want to hurt their feelings.

GENTLE READER: "My feet hurt and I'm a bit tired. Could we hang out later?" (This advice is brought to you by Miss Manners' resident polite child expert and is therefore kid-approved.)

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)