DEAR MISS MANNERS: I feel like there's a large generational gap that needs to be addressed. What is considered necessary or obvious to one generation is considered frivolous or foreign to another. Culture changes, and so do expectations regarding behavior.

I'm a younger millennial, turning 28 next month. Millennials and Generation Z have radically different attitudes than previous generations towards things like work culture, dining and even thank-you cards. We discuss our pay openly to promote equity in the workplace. We care more about how a dining partner treats the waitstaff than which fork he or she uses. And while we do appreciate everybody who gives us gifts, we simply do not place value on thank-you cards like previous generations. We understand the inherent gratitude one receiving a gift has for the giver. We show our appreciation through helping each other out and supporting one another, because our actions speak more loudly than our words.

It's not that we don't appreciate you or that we feel entitled to gifts. It's that our way of saying "thank you" is different. We don't expect to receive thank-you cards, so please don't expect us to send them.

In general, please do not expect the younger generations to act the same way yours does. Some manners are eternal; some change. It's OK to acknowledge this. I know this will likely fall on many deaf ears, but it's worth hearing the other perspective.

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners has always known that etiquette will often change with the times, expressing gratitude is something upon which she will not budge.

She is sure that your internal appreciation is brimming, but people who take the time to pick out presents -- or more likely, pay for them from your unsolicited wish list -- deserve the external and explicit kind. Miss Manners' inbox is full of complaints to that effect and she assures you that they are not just coming from the older generations.

(They also have old-fashioned notions about getting answers to their invitations, but we digress.)

As far as discussing pay, as long as this information is freely given and not rudely demanded, Miss Manners has no objection, although she would prefer it be confined to the workplace. Career talk in social situations is rarely titillating.

Treating waitstaff with respect and kindness is certainly obligatory. Doing so and using the correct fork, however, are hardly mutually exclusive.

One of the things that Miss Manners has been most impressed by in emerging generations is a fresh emphasis on being inclusive, promoting kindness and not stereotyping or labeling groups of people -- rather, appreciating differences and the individual.

She would gently encourage you to remember that when speaking on behalf of them. Your words might be construed as louder than your actions.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an 8-year-girl. Sometimes when I am at school, my friends ask me to play with them. Sometimes I don't want to, but I don't know what to say to them, so usually I say yes.

What should I tell them when they ask me? I don't want to hurt their feelings.

GENTLE READER: "My feet hurt and I'm a bit tired. Could we hang out later?" (This advice is brought to you by Miss Manners' resident polite child expert and is therefore kid-approved.)

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I love my new boss. He's supportive, accessible and smart. Since the whole team works remotely, our meetings take place online. But how do you approach the boss about his being completely inappropriately dressed for a business meeting -- even a virtual one?

This otherwise great guy shows up on screen in his home office, which is filled with action figures, dressed in a very loose-fitting, sleeveless basketball shirt. It does not look good and it definitely does not seem appropriate for a business call.

I'm all for casual, especially when working from home, but this is next-level. Any ideas on how to broach this subject with him?

GENTLE READER: You could ask his advice about how he expects employees to dress for videoconferences, pointing out that you do not want to appear unprofessional or offend clients.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am hosting a destination family reunion. My children, their families and I are all traveling to the area where my sisters and their families live for the event.

As plans came together, I sent out invitations saying, "No plus-ones, please." Yet my sister blithely let me know that her 16-year-old granddaughter is bringing her new boyfriend, as if it were the cutest thing.

Nothing against the innocent young man, as any added expense will be negligible, but I am fuming. There are four teenaged cousins in the family. The idea is to interact with each other, and maybe even with other generations.

The message to me is that she disdains the family's company as unbearably boring. Is this as clear a breach as it strikes me, or just a modern trend that is futile and petty to resist?

GENTLE READER: Bringing the uninvited boyfriend, when extras have been explicitly excluded, is rude, but Miss Manners is unable to make the logical leap to interpreting it as a criticism and rejection of the family.

Would it not be more entertaining to let slip that you are so pleased to hear that the boyfriend is to be considered a family member, even if the announcement has not yet been made?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In recent months, the person who has been cleaning our house for more than four years, while charging a competitive price, has delivered disappointing service. We are two senior adults living in a modest 1,500-square-foot home. There is limited "people traffic" coming through the house, and we do maintain the house between cleaning appointments.

How and when should we approach her and communicate our current disappointment with her services?

GENTLE READER: Just as with cleaning itself, this is not a task made easier by delay. As to the "how," Miss Manners trusts you will approach the cleaner with the same professional respect that you would extend to any employee.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our new neighbors are well-known for being troublemakers. We are maintaining a cold and distant relationship with them, due to their famously disrespectful ways, and we have already been warned they are gossiping about us because of this.

I had to request intervention from the police due to them constantly blocking the entrance to my garage. I need to know if there is something polite I can write in my social media feed, which they follow, to the effect of, "The original homeowners are always remembered for their excellent behavior, respect, good boundaries and friendly relations -- things that the new owners are completely lacking."

We are ignoring them, but they haven't forgotten my call to the police and are constantly gossiping that we are the bad ones.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette will sanction your ignoring the new neighbors you so dislike -- or, when forced to interact with them, keeping your relations merely civil -- if we can agree that attacking them on social media and calling the police on them cannot be fairly called either cold or distant.

Miss Manners recommends actually ignoring them because it requires so much less effort -- and because civilities fail once the attacks begin.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Because of the pandemic, health and illness are on many people's minds. I am lucky to be in good health, but many of my friends seem to be obsessed with being sick, and it's starting to wear on me.

I'm tired of them constantly obsessing over their health. I feel like I have to always sympathize and provide endless support to their worries. How do I handle this in a respectful way?

GENTLE READER: A certain amount of sympathy for the genuine problems of a friend is expected. But talking endlessly about one's health -- like talking endlessly about any other aspect of oneself -- is a bore.

The solution is to change the subject, change your position in the room, or, if all else fails, change the guest list next time. Miss Manners prefers this to expecting conversational reciprocity, as she finds talking about her own health equally boring.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently lost my mom and we just had the service. My brother has two stepsons, and in the obituary, they were mistakenly left off the list of grandkids.

Biologically, my mom had a total of six grandkids, who were all mentioned in the obituary. My sister-in-law was very offended that her two sons weren't mentioned. They knew my mom, of course, but were not involved with her on a regular basis at all.

Was this wrong that we didn't mention them?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but Miss Manners would have counseled your sister-in-law that the service was not the time to express offense at an innocent mistake. Nor would she have pointed out that treating the stepsons as if they are not part of the family is ungracious: She would have assumed that the omission was done by accident.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)