DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am very politically radical, and for this reason, people try to debate me a lot. I love talking politics, but sometimes this ventures into the absurd -- like the time eight people tried to debate me at once.

It can also happen at very inopportune moments. What is the polite way to stop an impromptu debate?

GENTLE READER: Eight, or perhaps nine, people talking at once is a brawl, not a debate. In such a situation, Miss Manners would be looking for an exit from the room, not just the topic.

But your lighthearted tone -- and your preference for the word "radical" over alternatives ranging from "traditional" to "progressive" -- makes her wonder how we arrived at this point.

The best way to discourage rudeness is to be polite oneself, which means using respect and restraint when disagreeing. And, sometimes, changing the subject.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Before the pandemic, for many years, I had a party in the spring with up to 30 people. Since I was at risk for COVID (and now am immunocompromised), there has been no party for the past three years.

This spring, I plan to invite 10 to 12 people -- those most likely to be following COVID-safe practices -- and ask that they test before attending. If the weather cooperates, we can be outdoors, but I can't rely on that.

What do I tell my (former) regulars who don't make the cut so that they don't feel hurt? If any of them ask if I'm having the party, how should I respond?

GENTLE READER: "No, I'm not still having that annual party. I stopped with the pandemic, and at this point don't intend to restart."

Which, Miss Manners adds, is where your explanation needs to stop. Only if specifically asked about the new party can you look confused and say, "That? Oh, that's not the same party." Which it isn't.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my friend and I shared a hotel room at an event, we split the cost. At the hotel restaurant one evening, my friend found an unknown object in her food. At checkout, the hotel credited our room $100 for the mishap and I split the discount between the two of us.

The next day, she called to say that since the $100 credit was to her, we should not have split it and I owed her $50. I sent her a check, but she still said she was surprised that I even tried splitting it.

Although technically the $100 refund was hers, had the situation been reversed, I would have handled it that way since we are good friends and were splitting the room cost. Was I rude to have assumed she should have split the difference?

GENTLE READER: If your friend had ordered champagne and room service while you had toast and a cup of tea, would you have split that bill? If so, Miss Manners will allow that this was an honest misunderstanding between friends that was cleared up when you paid up.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I purchased tickets and went to a concert. When we arrived at the hall, there were only three others in attendance. The performance was awful (thus why nobody was there) and we debated what to do.

I wanted to leave at intermission, whereas my husband thought that would be rude. He decided to get up and leave in the middle of a song in the second half of the concert, thinking it was more polite.

What would you advise in this situation? We didn't want to be rude to the performers, but also didn't want to waste our precious time enduring an awful concert.

GENTLE READER: Although people these days appear to think of themselves as the stars of their own shows -- and therefore usually take the side of the artist over the audience -- etiquette does not actually require a paying audience to be willingly bludgeoned until catatonic.

Miss Manners fails, however, to see your husband's alternative as more polite. A discreet dash for the door at intermission would surely be less hurtful than watching from the stage as 40% of the audience zips up their coats and marches up the aisle.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have twice invited my sister and brother-in-law, plus their two sons (aged 26 and 30), to our home, sending them each a separate invitation. Besides the fact that the sons are adults, I invited them separately because they live and work near our home, and I believed there was a chance they might have attended even if their parents could not.

On both occasions, my sister replied on behalf of all of them, saying they had other plans and could not attend. In the case of the first invitation, she sent the response minutes after receiving it, and my husband and I were surprised that she would have even had a chance to speak with her sons before responding on their behalf.

I have to admit I am hurt that none of them are attending either event, and I am also a bit put off that my sister responds on behalf of her adult sons, both of whom are capable of making their own decisions. In both cases, I have simply accepted their regrets by telling my sister that we understand and would miss them.

Maybe it is none of my business, but should I follow up with either my sister or her sons to confirm that they are aware she has declined on their behalf?

GENTLE READER: When your nephews were 4 and 6, you presumably thought it good aunt-ing not to talk down to them -- to treat them, in normal conversation, as if they had the maturity they believed they possessed.

Good familial relations demand an equal indulgence with your sister when she acts on the incorrect assumption that her boys are still that age. Which is not to say that you accept her misconception any more than you would have lent your car to the 6-year-old.

Next time, Miss Manners suggests that you issue the invitations to the sons first, and get answers before you invite your sister.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After chatting online with a man for several days, we agreed to meet for coffee. Within a few minutes of meeting face-to-face, this man informed me that he was going to ask me several political questions, and that if our political opinions didn't match, there would be no second date.

I told him I had come for what I hoped would be a promising date, not a political discussion or test. When I refused to participate, he declared the date to be over and left. Was there a better way to handle this?

GENTLE READER: No; it did the trick, which was to rid you of an unpleasant interrogator who hadn't decided whether you were worth getting to know. (Anyway, Miss Manners thought that people put that sort of requirement in their dating profiles to save themselves fruitless encounters.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our son is getting married soon, and there won't be a rehearsal dinner for my spouse and me to host. (We're helping to pay for the wedding, along with the couple and her parents, if that's relevant.)

Ten to 12 of our family members will be flying in for the wedding, and I'm wondering if we ought to host any events for them -- a dinner, brunch or excursion, for example. Most of the bride's family live near her and our son, and we don't know their plans.

My spouse says no to hosting something, but I'm concerned that some might expect at least a dinner. Frankly, we can afford it. Any advice to avoid misunderstandings?

GENTLE READER: There will be no misunderstanding if you ignore your relatives who have flown in for your son's wedding. It will be clear that you do not value the opportunity to spend time with them.

That is not to say that you must plan all sorts of auxiliary events to occupy them. Miss Manners disagrees with the notion that a proper wedding includes a prewedding softball game and a post-wedding sightseeing tour. But as you can afford to have a meal with them, that would be a gracious thing to do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On his birthday, a colleague posted "Happy birthday to me" on social media, along with multiple pictures of himself. I have not replied to the post, nor acknowledged his birthday, because to me, his behavior is too much. And if he's already congratulating himself, there's no need for me to do it.

Am I equally inappropriate for saying nothing?

GENTLE READER: No. As your colleague is congratulating himself, your doing so strikes Miss Manners as forcing yourself into someone else's selfie.

She feels the same way about people who applaud themselves -- they do not need her help.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My great-nephew sent me an announcement stating that he had earned his MBA from a university.

I sent checks for high school graduation and college graduation. Is it appropriate to send a check for this momentous accomplishment? Or would it be gauche to do so?

GENTLE READER: Try as she might, Miss Manners has a hard time picturing even the most fastidious of young men being offended by a check from a relative.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)