DEAR MISS MANNERS: After chatting online with a man for several days, we agreed to meet for coffee. Within a few minutes of meeting face-to-face, this man informed me that he was going to ask me several political questions, and that if our political opinions didn't match, there would be no second date.

I told him I had come for what I hoped would be a promising date, not a political discussion or test. When I refused to participate, he declared the date to be over and left. Was there a better way to handle this?

GENTLE READER: No; it did the trick, which was to rid you of an unpleasant interrogator who hadn't decided whether you were worth getting to know. (Anyway, Miss Manners thought that people put that sort of requirement in their dating profiles to save themselves fruitless encounters.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our son is getting married soon, and there won't be a rehearsal dinner for my spouse and me to host. (We're helping to pay for the wedding, along with the couple and her parents, if that's relevant.)

Ten to 12 of our family members will be flying in for the wedding, and I'm wondering if we ought to host any events for them -- a dinner, brunch or excursion, for example. Most of the bride's family live near her and our son, and we don't know their plans.

My spouse says no to hosting something, but I'm concerned that some might expect at least a dinner. Frankly, we can afford it. Any advice to avoid misunderstandings?

GENTLE READER: There will be no misunderstanding if you ignore your relatives who have flown in for your son's wedding. It will be clear that you do not value the opportunity to spend time with them.

That is not to say that you must plan all sorts of auxiliary events to occupy them. Miss Manners disagrees with the notion that a proper wedding includes a prewedding softball game and a post-wedding sightseeing tour. But as you can afford to have a meal with them, that would be a gracious thing to do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On his birthday, a colleague posted "Happy birthday to me" on social media, along with multiple pictures of himself. I have not replied to the post, nor acknowledged his birthday, because to me, his behavior is too much. And if he's already congratulating himself, there's no need for me to do it.

Am I equally inappropriate for saying nothing?

GENTLE READER: No. As your colleague is congratulating himself, your doing so strikes Miss Manners as forcing yourself into someone else's selfie.

She feels the same way about people who applaud themselves -- they do not need her help.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My great-nephew sent me an announcement stating that he had earned his MBA from a university.

I sent checks for high school graduation and college graduation. Is it appropriate to send a check for this momentous accomplishment? Or would it be gauche to do so?

GENTLE READER: Try as she might, Miss Manners has a hard time picturing even the most fastidious of young men being offended by a check from a relative.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My grandmother lived her life to its fullest: making calls on Tuesdays, remaining "at home to guests" on Wednesdays, and serving tea promptly at 4 every day.

Throughout her life, she would tell me of grand dinner parties that would last all evening with numerous courses and the table "turning" twice during these amazing fetes. When I asked her what the menu was, she replied, "It was 14 courses and then some. Write to Miss Manners; she'll know."

She recently passed, and I had the honor of inheriting her entire retinue of china, linens, flatware, glassware, serving platters, bowls, tureens, urns, cups, saucers, etc. I do not wish to "show off" this collection of flatware and glasses, but I do want to have one of these dinners in honor of my grandmother.

Could you please tell me what the courses are, and what order they should be served? And what are the rules of "turning the table"?

GENTLE READER: The first ingredient would be guests in robust health with hearty appetites. Your grandmother must have been such a one, because these menus did not survive World War I. Evidently she did -- and then some, as she would say.

Courses varied, as did the order, but here are the basics:

1. Raw oysters

2. Soup, with both a cream soup and a thin soup offered

3. Hors d'oeuvres

4. Fish

5. Entree: This is not the main course, as today's restaurants believe, but rather the "entry" to the main meal. An entree was typically asparagus, artichokes or corn.

6. Sorbet

7. Hot roast

8. Cold roast

9. Entremets, meaning "on the way to more" -- sort of the hallway of the meal, which could be vegetables or such sweets as mousses or flans.

10. Game

11. Salad

12. Pudding

13. Ice cream

14. Fruit

15. Cheese

And in case you were still hungry, bonbons were served with coffee, although away from the table.

Later, courses were combined and otherwise shifted: hors d'oeuvres served before the seated meal; the vegetables with the roast; the cheese with the salad or the fruit; no more than one sweet, and served only at the end.

As you will surmise, these were times when thinness was considered not chic, but pitiful. Portly gentlemen and Rubenesque ladies were much admired. Nowadays, they would be shamed, and formal meals are four courses at most.

Even then, guests were not supposed to eat everything. It was like having an entire restaurant menu before you from which to pick and choose -- and there were handwritten menus on private dinner tables, so guests could pace themselves.

Turning the table means turning first to talk to the person on your right, and then, when the hostess switches, to the person on your left. If that sounds silly to you, you have never been stranded while the people on both sides turn to their other seat mates, leaving you to maintain a smile while staring at your peas. Or your entremet, as the case may be.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A co-worker brought in a homemade lunch for a few of us in reusable containers. She left us the leftovers for the next day. This sparked a debate amongst my co-workers: Should we clean the containers before returning them? What is the proper etiquette?

GENTLE READER: And what, pray, would be a reason not to do this?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a rule against flushing the toilet at night that I have so far overlooked?

My family has started hosting overnight guests again after a hiatus. Each of the last two people who stayed with us asked my permission to flush the toilet at night before they turned in.

The bathroom is in the hallway shared by the bedrooms, including our children's. I guess the concern was that the flush would wake up the kids?

This isn't something I've ever worried about, or thought to ask at someone else's house. Is it rude to flush without permission? I can't imagine not flushing would be a good option for anyone.

GENTLE READER: Unless you are on a train and stopped at a station, Miss Manners can think of no reason why flushing should be suspended. The shock of any late-night noise will surely be far less offensive than that of waking up to refuse that has been lingering overnight.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a friend tell me not to say the phrase "to be honest with you," because it "makes me look stupid." This admonishment was as unexpected as it was disturbing.

I explained that there are many ways to say the same thing, and doing so does not imply that I was being dishonest previously. I went as far as to give him a list of possible alternatives that I use. They were:

-- Actually ...

-- As a matter of fact ...

-- As it happens ...

-- Frankly ...

-- Truth be told ...

-- In actual fact ...

-- In all fairness ...

-- In all honesty ...

-- In all sincerity...

-- In fact ...

-- To be fair ...

-- To be frank ...

-- To tell the truth ...

-- Truth be told ...

-- Truthfully ...

-- With all due respect ...

-- TBH (short for "To be honest") ...

I was met with silence. I don't believe I am incorrect.

My mother, who had a Ph.D. in English and was a famous screenwriter, would occasionally say it and had heard me say it. If there was anyone I'd expect to correct me, it would have been her.

Is the above-mentioned phrase offensive or rude?

GENTLE READER: These phrases are not in and of themselves rude or vapid. It is what inevitably follows them that usually is: an unsavory opinion, and not an objective fact.

So if Miss Manners could get her readers to stop insulting one another under the name of honesty, she is sure that the expressions would return to being what they once were: benign turns of phrase, not warnings of insults to come.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In my day-to-day life, I do not use any cosmetics. However, occasionally, when I go out to an event, I sometimes wear a muted lipstick or a touch of mascara -- but really not in an elaborate or flamboyant way.

How do I respond when people I know comment with surprise, "Oh, you are wearing makeup!"? I find such comments embarrassing and do not make them myself, as I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

GENTLE READER: "Oh dear -- if it's that noticeable, I suppose I shouldn't have."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)