DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two dear friends married each other three months ago. I was invited to the wedding and so was my sister, along with our significant others. The wedding location was an hour's drive away, so it made sense for us to carpool.

The outdoor wedding -- including the ceremony itself, plus a celebration with ample food and beverage -- was to start at 5 p.m. and end at 11 p.m. My sister is known for making brief appearances at parties, so the bride requested that my girlfriend and I drive separately. She explained that our attendance to the very end was important on her special day.

As the bride knew, my girlfriend had recently had eye surgery, which made social events tiring. Against the bride's request, we kept our plans to carpool and to leave before 11 p.m. We lasted until just after 9, at which time my girlfriend and my sister were exhausted, and the four of us bid farewell to the bride and groom.

The bride seemed vexed by our "early" departure and asked me if I could remain while the other three returned home, suggesting that I'd surely find a ride back two hours later. Unwilling to leave my date unattended, I made my apologies and left with my sister and friends.

Since that day, I've noticed a distinct coolness from the bride. Against custom, I was not invited to her annual holiday gathering, nor did I receive best wishes on my birthday. Clearly I'm being punished.

Is it proper for a bride to request driving arrangements and hours of attendance at a wedding, and should I have made every effort to stay?

GENTLE READER: No, no and no, but Miss Manners is not done with you yet.

The bride asked you for a favor that you were not required to grant -- and did not want to. But she was, as a dear friend, entitled to an explanation and perhaps also an apology.

What would have been the harm in saying, "We really will do our best to stay the whole night, but I also have to look after Imogene -- the eye surgery has been harder on her than she lets on. I know you'll understand"?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My former husband died this year, 10 years after our separation and divorce. We remained friendly as we raised our children to adulthood, and neither of us had embarked upon new relationships since we parted ways.

When asked my marital status on forms, I'm unsure of how to answer. Is one still "divorced" after the death of the ex-spouse? May I say "widowed," although our marriage ended long ago? Just replying "single" is not always an option.

GENTLE READER: Identifying as widowed is to be avoided, as it invites misplaced condolences. Most forms have no business asking about marital status, and many no longer do so. On those that still do ask, the question can often be ignored.

But while Miss Manners understands that identifying as single can expose one to unwelcome attention, it is often the simplest option.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who has an annoying habit: When she asks me to do something together -- go to a movie, get dinner, etc. -- she always precedes her request with a "No pressure, but ..."

Frankly, starting with that phrase makes me perceive pressure. Without the phrase, it's no big deal: just a normal request or suggestion, to which I may say yes or no.

More than once, I have told her, "No need to say 'no pressure,' I know there is no pressure," and then, "Gotta say, I find the phrase 'no pressure' unnecessary."

She will not stop. Any other suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Mild humor has always worked for Miss Manners: "I do feel pressure! Now that you say it, I feel incredible pressure!! What am I going to do?"

Of course, there is a way to say this that will be understood as gentle teasing, and a way to say it that comes across as the grossest insult. You can surmise which Miss Manners is recommending.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When the pandemic started, we had to leave the country we were living in with just a few days' notice, thinking we'd be back in a few months. The woman who acts as our landlord took about 45 of our plants to her apartment to care for while we were gone. This was an amazing collection we cultivated over about five years, at significant expense.

Due to COVID and immigration restrictions, it has actually taken us 15 months to return. We were just recently offered our old jobs back with a work permit, and it looks like we will be here for at least two years.

The woman who has our plants has not mentioned them once. Is it too late to ask for them back, assuming they're not all dead? Or do we just start over?

GENTLE READER: It's not too late to ask, but it is too late to expect much.

Start with thanks -- and a graceful way out: "It was so kind of you to take our plants in when this all began, and we completely understand if you were not able to maintain them all this time. But if any remain, could we come by to pick them up?"

Note that Miss Manners is at the limit of her reach in calling them "our plants." Beyond said reach would be: "the plants we cultivated at significant expense," "our darling plants" or "our children."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I had a friend over for dinner some months ago, we had a great time. Since then, she has said many times that she would like to invite me over for dinner at her home.

And that is the end of it. Although I have replied every time that I would be delighted to visit, the actual invitation is never issued. I am left to conclude that she is merely being polite, at least to her way of thinking, and does not wish to have me over.

I am weary of the tease. How may I put a stop to it?

GENTLE READER: If you are curious about your friend's intent, Miss Manners would allow you to offer a general time frame that would work for you and then to see what happens. Or you can keep saying, "That would be lovely."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The other day, I took a package to the local post office. It was early, the line was very short, and I noticed the woman in front of me couldn't get a handle on the three packages she was trying to take out to her car.

Not being in a hurry, I offered to help, and took one package out for her. She thanked me, I said something about being happy to help, and went back in.

The man who had been in line right behind me thanked me four or five times, while also apologizing profusely for being waited on while I was gone. I certainly didn't expect the whole place to pause while I went outside!

The woman behind him insisted I cut in front of her and thanked me several times, as did two other people.

I found it quite embarrassing and really didn't know how to respond. I think I muttered something about needing all the brownie points in heaven I could get, and tried to just shrug it off.

What I could really use is a more polished "Oh shucks, 'tweren't nothin'" response that doesn't call out anyone else for not offering to help, but rather shows that this is something I do as a matter of course. It is not anything special, and I don't need to be praised. Or excessively thanked.

Any suggestions on how to be humbly classy -- or classily humble? Or how to elegantly deflect unnecessary praise?

GENTLE READER: "Any of you would have done the same."

True, this is a wildly optimistic statement. Miss Manners has been inundated with stories from people who are victims of fights in lines, and from tirades by those who believe attacks are justified for such minor infractions as standing too close or leaving the line momentarily.

Typically, these fights take place in grocery lines, so perhaps the aggressors are just hungry -- whereas everyone in the post office had had a good breakfast before you met them.

But Miss Manners is increasingly alarmed that people are so antagonistic. So she is grateful not only to you, but to the others in that line.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When serving cake to guests, my wife insists on giving each person two slices, "because serving one slice is stingy." I contend that with many people looking to control their weight, one slice should be served initially, with the option of offering a second slice later. What do you suggest?

GENTLE READER: Thicker slices?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While at my in-laws' house with my husband, his mother privately presented him with a necklace to give to me. Once we were home, he gave me the necklace, and I thanked him. It is lovely.

Should I also thank his mother? I was there at the time and she did not give the necklace directly to me.

GENTLE READER: No, she did something even more gracious by letting her son pass it along as a family treasure.

Miss Manners is stunned that you are citing a technicality as justification to ignore that. You probably needn't expect to get the earrings to go with it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)