DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiance and I are getting married next year and so far, everything is coming together smoothly. The only issue I have is how to tell our guests that there will be a very strict "no cellphones" policy during the ceremony -- without sounding like a bridezilla.

They can have their phones out during the reception all they want, but I want them to keep them far away from the ceremony!

Both of us are very laid-back and tend to go with the flow, but whenever I see people taking pictures and videos during wedding ceremonies instead of actually being in the moment with the happy couple, it fills me with rage! I mean, that's what the paid photographer is for, right?!

No one, and I mean NO ONE, on social media really cares about the 200 photos you posted from a wedding for people your followers/friends don't even know. The people who care about the event will already be at the ceremony. So why even bother?

I absolutely do not want our very expensive professional photos to be riddled with phones! I'm so serious about this issue that I'm debating asking people to leave if they break the rule. I'm sure most will be fine with it, but there will always be those certain few who'll do what they want. I feel that if I'm nice about it, people will take it as more of a suggestion than a rule.

What's even worse is that I already feel so mean for enforcing this simple request. I hate causing a fuss, but I really want our guests to respect this.

GENTLE READER: Find a busybody relative -- everybody has one -- who likes to feel important and set that person on the task: "Aunt Celia, do you mind keeping a lookout for people on their cellphones? And politely asking them to put them away?"

If Aunt Celia does not, in fact, make the request politely, Miss Manners suggests you address guests' complaints by saying, "Oh dear, she was supposed to keep an eye on it, but we certainly did not mean to offend you."

Do not be tempted to blame Aunt Celia completely, however -- or you may find yourself on the unpleasant side of her wrath.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On two occasions, one in a restaurant and the other at the gym, an individual asked the management to raise the temperature on the thermostat. Both times, management complied. I was already uncomfortably warm, and of course became more so.

My position regarding heat is that an individual who tends to get cold can always bring a sweater or hoodie to a climate-controlled environment, whereas I can only legally remove so much for comfort.

Is it rude to request a change in temperature without considering the comfort of others present?

GENTLE READER: It is rare that any two people agree on the perfect indoor temperature -- and if they do, they should immediately find one another and cohabitate.

Public establishments are just trying to keep their customers happy. So Miss Manners implores you not to unduly blame them when it becomes clear that they cannot please everybody.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a certified public accountant who frequently entertains clients and business associates during lunch and dinner meetings. I also enjoy hosting family and friends at restaurants.

When I pick up the check with the latter group, someone often makes a comment such as, "This must be a business expense or a write-off" -- suggesting that I'm either cheating my company or cheating on my taxes, rather than treating them to a nice meal at my personal expense. I'm at a net loss as to how to respond.

GENTLE READER: Good one. Miss Manners will do her best to provide some asset-stance.

Bad accounting puns aside, she recommends that when confronted with such rude accusations, you look hurt and quietly say, "I would never do that. I just wanted to take you out and enjoy your company." Even if they were joking, that ought to shame the inventory out of them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When is it OK to refer to someone as "dead"?

My cousin died of cancer at age 82. She had been quite ill for some time, so it was not a surprise when she died. I wrote her husband a condolence letter, saying that I was "sorry to learn about her death." I then reread my note and wondered if I should have said something along the lines of "her passing" instead.

Is it too harsh to say "dead" or "death"? Why do some people say "passing" or "passed"? It just seems to be sugarcoating death.

GENTLE READER: People do go to great lengths to avoid saying the word "death," just as they do the word "money."

But euphemisms can often sound foolish and inaccurate. That you "lost" someone begs the listener to wonder at your forgetfulness. And "passing" has religious connotations that may not be intended (although "passed away" is slightly better).

Miss Manners condones the use of the word "death" as long as it does not sound unduly harsh -- and she does not think what you wrote does.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have three beautiful grandchildren. Many people ask me, "How often do you see your grandchildren?"

When I answer with anything but the word "daily," I am often met with responses such as, "Oh, is that all?" or "Don't you wish it were more often?"

Is there some "grandmother contest" that I am unaware of? I feel as though I'm being judged by how often I see, or don't see, my grandchildren. I have never thought to ask other people this question, and my husband is never asked.

Our kids think we are wonderful parents and grandparents, and we are happy with the time spent with our grandchildren. What is the best way to respond to this question that will not lead to more intrusive questions?

GENTLE READER: "The perfect amount."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the manager of a gift store where my clientele mostly ranges from 40 to 70 years old. I have an employee in her early 20s who is sweet, super helpful and professionally courteous -- everything you'd want in a worker.

She has her own unique style, and changes her hair with fun colors or highlights; right now it's a very pretty shade of light green.

Several customers have made inappropriate comments to her about it, including laughing. One woman pointed at my employee, saying to her daughter, "See? I told you she had green hair. Isn't that nuts?"

My employee takes it in stride, smiling through it all, but I feel terrible. I've wanted to say something to these customers, but I don't want to lose their business. Nor can I afford to lose my employee. I'm not sure what I can say to get them to stop being so rude to a human being in public.

GENTLE READER: You think you have two problems: defending your employee and not losing business. Miss Manners sees four.

Correcting your customers' bad behavior would not just be bad business, it would also be rude (two problems). And not defending your employee is not just rude, it is bad for business (two more). After all, who wants to work for an employer who does not look out for the employees?

The important point is that your employee has seen this behavior so often outside the store that she does not expect you to call the police every time it happens inside it. There may come a time when the behavior is so bad that you have to ask the customer to leave, but most situations can be handled without losing either party's business.

Smile at the customer with the daughter and say, "Really? I like the color very much. Is there something you came in to buy, or something I can show you?"

And while it is rude to tell another person they are being rude, etiquette is silent about third parties: After the customer is gone, privately tell your employee how sorry you are that people can be so awful.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son's girlfriend's mom sent me a big card after I had surgery. We've never met. She said she hopes I am feeling better and maybe we can have lunch sometime.

Should I reply with a card? If I do, am I interfering in my son's romantic life? I do not know his intentions, but his girlfriend has bought plenty of things for him over the years. Clothes, scuba gear, snorkeling gear. Who should I ask?

GENTLE READER: Your question -- your first question -- will be easier after we have picked up some of the clutter. The clothes, the scuba gear, the snorkel, your son's intentions and the size of the get-well card can all go in the closet, as they are irrelevant.

So, too, is your fear that answering an invitation to lunch will be considered meddlesome. Finally, since you have already asked Miss Manners, we can discard your question about whom to consult.

All that remains are an invitation to lunch -- which you should promptly accept or decline -- and the question of whether you want your son discussing your health with his girlfriend's mother.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)