DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a certified public accountant who frequently entertains clients and business associates during lunch and dinner meetings. I also enjoy hosting family and friends at restaurants.

When I pick up the check with the latter group, someone often makes a comment such as, "This must be a business expense or a write-off" -- suggesting that I'm either cheating my company or cheating on my taxes, rather than treating them to a nice meal at my personal expense. I'm at a net loss as to how to respond.

GENTLE READER: Good one. Miss Manners will do her best to provide some asset-stance.

Bad accounting puns aside, she recommends that when confronted with such rude accusations, you look hurt and quietly say, "I would never do that. I just wanted to take you out and enjoy your company." Even if they were joking, that ought to shame the inventory out of them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When is it OK to refer to someone as "dead"?

My cousin died of cancer at age 82. She had been quite ill for some time, so it was not a surprise when she died. I wrote her husband a condolence letter, saying that I was "sorry to learn about her death." I then reread my note and wondered if I should have said something along the lines of "her passing" instead.

Is it too harsh to say "dead" or "death"? Why do some people say "passing" or "passed"? It just seems to be sugarcoating death.

GENTLE READER: People do go to great lengths to avoid saying the word "death," just as they do the word "money."

But euphemisms can often sound foolish and inaccurate. That you "lost" someone begs the listener to wonder at your forgetfulness. And "passing" has religious connotations that may not be intended (although "passed away" is slightly better).

Miss Manners condones the use of the word "death" as long as it does not sound unduly harsh -- and she does not think what you wrote does.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have three beautiful grandchildren. Many people ask me, "How often do you see your grandchildren?"

When I answer with anything but the word "daily," I am often met with responses such as, "Oh, is that all?" or "Don't you wish it were more often?"

Is there some "grandmother contest" that I am unaware of? I feel as though I'm being judged by how often I see, or don't see, my grandchildren. I have never thought to ask other people this question, and my husband is never asked.

Our kids think we are wonderful parents and grandparents, and we are happy with the time spent with our grandchildren. What is the best way to respond to this question that will not lead to more intrusive questions?

GENTLE READER: "The perfect amount."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the manager of a gift store where my clientele mostly ranges from 40 to 70 years old. I have an employee in her early 20s who is sweet, super helpful and professionally courteous -- everything you'd want in a worker.

She has her own unique style, and changes her hair with fun colors or highlights; right now it's a very pretty shade of light green.

Several customers have made inappropriate comments to her about it, including laughing. One woman pointed at my employee, saying to her daughter, "See? I told you she had green hair. Isn't that nuts?"

My employee takes it in stride, smiling through it all, but I feel terrible. I've wanted to say something to these customers, but I don't want to lose their business. Nor can I afford to lose my employee. I'm not sure what I can say to get them to stop being so rude to a human being in public.

GENTLE READER: You think you have two problems: defending your employee and not losing business. Miss Manners sees four.

Correcting your customers' bad behavior would not just be bad business, it would also be rude (two problems). And not defending your employee is not just rude, it is bad for business (two more). After all, who wants to work for an employer who does not look out for the employees?

The important point is that your employee has seen this behavior so often outside the store that she does not expect you to call the police every time it happens inside it. There may come a time when the behavior is so bad that you have to ask the customer to leave, but most situations can be handled without losing either party's business.

Smile at the customer with the daughter and say, "Really? I like the color very much. Is there something you came in to buy, or something I can show you?"

And while it is rude to tell another person they are being rude, etiquette is silent about third parties: After the customer is gone, privately tell your employee how sorry you are that people can be so awful.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son's girlfriend's mom sent me a big card after I had surgery. We've never met. She said she hopes I am feeling better and maybe we can have lunch sometime.

Should I reply with a card? If I do, am I interfering in my son's romantic life? I do not know his intentions, but his girlfriend has bought plenty of things for him over the years. Clothes, scuba gear, snorkeling gear. Who should I ask?

GENTLE READER: Your question -- your first question -- will be easier after we have picked up some of the clutter. The clothes, the scuba gear, the snorkel, your son's intentions and the size of the get-well card can all go in the closet, as they are irrelevant.

So, too, is your fear that answering an invitation to lunch will be considered meddlesome. Finally, since you have already asked Miss Manners, we can discard your question about whom to consult.

All that remains are an invitation to lunch -- which you should promptly accept or decline -- and the question of whether you want your son discussing your health with his girlfriend's mother.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been friends with a woman for almost 15 years. We are part of a group that often gets together for game nights, and we also celebrate important days in our lives.

On her last birthday, I offered to take her out to dinner, something we have done for both of our birthdays every year. She responded by saying she wants to take a break from seeing all the people in the gaming group until further notice.

Our other friends say they still see her, but she refuses to see me or respond to my texts or emails. I am confused and bewildered about why she has ended our friendship. Our other friends aren't sure why she made this decision.

I would apologize, but don't know what I did to create this chasm between us. After no response to two emails and a letter where I expressed a desire to talk through what is going on, I don't know what else to do.

Should I just accept the end of our friendship and move on? Even if she eventually reaches out, I am hurt and confused and not sure how to respond.

GENTLE READER: It is too soon to give up, if only because you admit the possibility that you may have done something that requires an apology. The question is, what?

Contrary to what you have been told, your other friends -- at least some of them -- do know what happened. They just (understandably) do not want to be put in the middle. Ask them again, one by one, until one confesses, reports your question back to your longtime friend or persuades you they truly don't know. The most likely outcome is that you will learn something that will inform you of what do next.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter moved to Europe several years ago and met a wonderful man, to whom she is now engaged. Her father and I are delighted.

They are likely to marry near their home in Europe so that their friends and his family can easily attend. Of course, we will, too.

The rest of our family and friends live in the U.S. I think destination weddings are an imposition, and we're happy to host a reception near our home. However, several people have already told us they're eager to attend a wedding in Europe.

How do I sort this? I can't envision sending a wedding invitation with check boxes indicating "preferred destination." Should I call/email/text guests beforehand to explain the situation? That seems weird.

GENTLE READER: A wedding near the bridal couple's home is not a destination wedding, but Miss Manners takes your point that the travel may be difficult or impossible for some.

Issue the invitations as you would if your daughter were getting married next door, but let people know that you will be throwing a reception in the future for those who are not traveling. This will spare your daughter from having her guests vote on her nuptials. Some people will still have to be invited to both, but as the latter is usually less formal, this will presumably not be a hardship.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)