DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been friends with a woman for almost 15 years. We are part of a group that often gets together for game nights, and we also celebrate important days in our lives.

On her last birthday, I offered to take her out to dinner, something we have done for both of our birthdays every year. She responded by saying she wants to take a break from seeing all the people in the gaming group until further notice.

Our other friends say they still see her, but she refuses to see me or respond to my texts or emails. I am confused and bewildered about why she has ended our friendship. Our other friends aren't sure why she made this decision.

I would apologize, but don't know what I did to create this chasm between us. After no response to two emails and a letter where I expressed a desire to talk through what is going on, I don't know what else to do.

Should I just accept the end of our friendship and move on? Even if she eventually reaches out, I am hurt and confused and not sure how to respond.

GENTLE READER: It is too soon to give up, if only because you admit the possibility that you may have done something that requires an apology. The question is, what?

Contrary to what you have been told, your other friends -- at least some of them -- do know what happened. They just (understandably) do not want to be put in the middle. Ask them again, one by one, until one confesses, reports your question back to your longtime friend or persuades you they truly don't know. The most likely outcome is that you will learn something that will inform you of what do next.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter moved to Europe several years ago and met a wonderful man, to whom she is now engaged. Her father and I are delighted.

They are likely to marry near their home in Europe so that their friends and his family can easily attend. Of course, we will, too.

The rest of our family and friends live in the U.S. I think destination weddings are an imposition, and we're happy to host a reception near our home. However, several people have already told us they're eager to attend a wedding in Europe.

How do I sort this? I can't envision sending a wedding invitation with check boxes indicating "preferred destination." Should I call/email/text guests beforehand to explain the situation? That seems weird.

GENTLE READER: A wedding near the bridal couple's home is not a destination wedding, but Miss Manners takes your point that the travel may be difficult or impossible for some.

Issue the invitations as you would if your daughter were getting married next door, but let people know that you will be throwing a reception in the future for those who are not traveling. This will spare your daughter from having her guests vote on her nuptials. Some people will still have to be invited to both, but as the latter is usually less formal, this will presumably not be a hardship.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a social event given by an organization in which my spouse is active, a member asked me, "Do you still work?"

I was somewhat taken aback by this question. I am in my late 50s, and am told that my appearance and dress match my age.

This is not the first time a newly met person in a social situation has asked me this question, with emphasis on the "still." Each time, I have tried to come up with an appropriate response, but have been somewhat tripped up.

I have an advanced degree and work in a career that has taken years to build. I have no intention of retiring in the near future, and it feels quite rude when people imply that I am too old to "still" be working.

Am I being too sensitive? Is there a good response to this question? I don't wish to return rudeness for rudeness. However, I would like to have an appropriate answer that feels authentic.

GENTLE READER: "Yes; do you?"

Miss Manners remembers the days when gentlemen routinely asked ladies whether they worked. It was amazing how flabbergasted they were when she bounced the question right back.

She agrees that any such question is patronizing, at best. But you needn't attribute it to the notion that you look old enough to retire. You could have been fired, in which case the inquiry would have made you feel even worse. Or you could have sold the rights to a video game you invented for a sum that allows you to wallow in idle luxury.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am very busy at work and almost never take an actual lunch break. I normally eat at my desk while continuing to work.

When my boss comes into my office to talk about something work-related, as he frequently does, does etiquette require me to stop munching on my sandwich while he's there? Or may I continue to eat while we talk?

GENTLE READER: You stop eating. You have already made the point that you are so devoted to your work that you forgo taking a lunch break. Miss Manners doubts that it would further impress your boss if you answered questions with your mouth full.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When someone thanks me, I understand that I am supposed to say, "You're welcome." I find it overly formal, and when I do use it, it sounds awkward and rusty.

Most of the time, I find myself responding with phrases like "Sure thing!" and "No problem," which I know some people view as impolite. Would you please suggest a polite alternative response?

GENTLE READER: Would you please stop using the word "formal" as if it means "snobbish"?

"You're welcome" is merely the standard English reply to being thanked. "No problem," which is a version of the response in other languages ("de nada," "il n'y a pas de quoi" or "de rien"), is coming into common use, although it still annoys some people.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was on a second date at an upscale French restaurant. To my surprise and dismay, my date was incredibly rude to the waiter the entire night, starting with criticizing him for not speaking French (as my date does), never making eye contact with the waiter, never saying please and thank you, and so on.

I was mortified and I should have gotten up and walked out, but I didn't. I paid the bill, as I had offered, and left a larger tip than I ordinarily would. The next day I called the restaurant to apologize, and the manager told me the waiter had already alerted him to the bad situation.

The date hasn't called me and I haven't called him. Is there something else I should have done for the waiter?

GENTLE READER: Perhaps thanked him for saving you from any possible third date with that person.

How people treat those who are not in a position to defend themselves is a good test of character. Your good character was demonstrated when you compensated the waiter and then also corroborated his story with his boss.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I like to listen to podcasts on sound-blocking earbuds while exercising. I also attend the gym as early as possible to get in and out. The issue I have is that a couple of other people turn up the sound on the TV to the point of interfering with my listening to podcasts.

I've politely asked them to turn the sound down and use the closed-caption feature on the TV. One person told me to turn my own sound up and blow out my eardrums. The other turned up the TV sound even louder.

I tried talking to the manager, to no avail. Any ideas on how to handle the rudeness of these individuals? I'm to the point of considering bringing in a speaker to deaden their noise or broadcast an offensive podcast at them.

Why are some people so rude, and what else can I do?

GENTLE READER: And why are you even fantasizing about joining them by being rude yourself?

Alas, that is often how people react: They hate being treated rudely, and therefore think of ways to outdo the offenders.

Please forgive Miss Manners for sounding off. You did not succumb to being rude, and instead tried the polite methods of handling this: asking the offender and then appealing to authority.

Unfortunately, for a system of etiquette to function, it requires a sense of decency, or at least the desire for a peaceful community. Those qualities of civilized life seem to be in short supply now. Let us hope that you can find a gym where blatant rudeness is not tolerated.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why are we supposed to put napkins in our laps?

GENTLE READER: As opposed to using them as shirt protectors?

Barring special conditions, people over the age of 6 are supposed to be able to transport food from the plate to their mouths without getting it all over themselves. Therefore, the napkin is merely placed within reach for minor dabbing. If you need more protection, Miss Manners acknowledges that it would be safer to move it within range of what you will splatter.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)