DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I are part of a close-knit group of five couples. We all socialize often, whether in our various homes or out doing some recreational activity.
One of our gentleman friends is truly a very nice person: friendly, considerate, good sense of humor and an animal lover (cats, anyway). However, at all of our social functions, his dress consists of shorts, a sloppy T-shirt and tennis shoes, usually without socks. That would be fine for a backyard barbecue, but that is his uniform for all occasions -- birthdays, graduations, anniversaries and even major holiday dinners where I feel something "nicer" is in order.
At special occasions, the host couples have gone to great lengths to prepare a festive dinner on nice tableware. I feel his dress is insulting -- not only to the host, but also to the honoree or the occasion/holiday itself. When we are dining at a restaurant -- not an old-fashioned "coat and tie required" place, but still semi-upscale -- he is again in shorts and a T-shirt, and I again feel embarrassed.
In every other way, as I said, he's a great guy. I wouldn't want to hurt or insult him. Any suggestions for a mannerly approach? Or should I just ignore this?
GENTLE READER: You cannot tell an adult to whom you are not related how to dress. And unless the event is black- or white-tie, you cannot really even politely put it in your invitations ("festive" is not a dress code).
Miss Manners is afraid that you will have to learn to live with it. Clearly this gentleman's other half has.