DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am good friends with a woman, and we have a mutual acquaintance, Jason. He is a bully and has low-key harassed me over the years. I do my very best to avoid him and his wife, which works, for the most part.

I have not told my friend about Jason's meanness and bullying because I don't need to drag her into it. Unfortunately, she gave me a gift that was made by Jason and his wife. I did not want this item in my house and donated it the next day to a thrift store.

Now I feel bad, as my friend spent a good amount of money for this item. I am wondering if I should have gently advised her of the situation, graciously declined the gift and let her pass it along to someone who would have appreciated it. She is totally unaware of the hurt this man and his wife have caused me and she was very generous with this gift.

Is there something else I should have done? What do I do if it happens again?

GENTLE READER: The idea that it is possible to harass someone in a low-key way is, Miss Manners realizes, not unique to you. But she cannot help noticing that the illogic of simultaneously hyping and downplaying whatever happened is what led to your present confusion.

If you were harassed, then you may have a duty to warn your friend about Jason, if not necessarily to ruin his business. If, instead, the behavior was merely annoying or insulting, without being harassing, then your instinct not to drag your friend into it was the right one.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When one has received a book as a present, should one wait until skimming or reading the book in order to comment on it in the thank-you response? Or should the thank-you be immediate, saving all comments on the book for another communication?

GENTLE READER: Thank the giver now, before reading the book. If you then like it, it will give you something to talk about when next you meet. If you hate the book, but are asked about it, you can repeat how much you are looking forward to reading it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Answering the phone is not my job, but I still do so about 10 or 12 times a day. Often, people hang up without saying anything.

I assume this is because they realize they have dialed the wrong number. But I was under the impression that it's rude to hang up silently, and that one should apologize briefly. When wrong-number callers say something, at least I know that the phone call was not an important call with a dropped connection.

GENTLE READER: You are correct that hanging up on another person is rude, but Miss Manners, uncharacteristically, will make one, small concession to the Efficiency Over Etiquette crowd:

If you, as the mis-caller, can hang up quickly enough to believe, in your heart, that the call did not go through, she is willing to overlook a single, stray beep from another home electronic device she never really wanted.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I were invited to two Super Bowl parties on the same night. She accepted both.

I think we should have politely declined the second invitation with, "So sorry, but we have a previous commitment." Beyond the fact that we will be running from one end of town to the other, I think it is rude to go to one party for an hour and then leave. But my wife disagrees.

GENTLE READER: When will you leave the first party -- during the game, so that the host has to get up and see you out? Before the game, so it seems as if something is wrong? After the game, so that you miss the socializing?

Oh, at halftime. Which will interrupt the people who are watching that.

Miss Manners reminds your wife of what many people seem to have forgotten: that invitations should be promptly accepted or declined, and bargaining over the terms is not allowed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have had serious back issues over the years, including several surgeries, and had a hip replaced several months ago.

Since then, despite rigorous physical therapy and home exercise, I have been forced to use a cane. It helps me walk without a significant limp and also helps keep me upright when standing, as I am not quite as steady on my feet as I (and my doctors) would like. I remain in fairly serious pain if I have to stand for more than a few minutes.

My issue isn't the cane -- or the pain, for that matter -- but the fact that, over and over and over again, people ask me why I am using a cane. While I am tired of the health questions in general, what really bothers me is when I reply that I had hip replacement surgery, they often ask how long ago. When I begrudgingly tell them "six months ago," I inevitably get the response, "Well, you shouldn't still need a cane!" followed by a description of their own experience with hip replacement ("I was walking without a cane in two weeks! You need to do physical therapy!") or some similar experience of their friend or family member.

This is often followed by other fun, probing questions like, "Who did your surgery? Was it their first time?" or comments like, "You must not be working hard enough at recovery!"

At this point, I have run out of graciousness. I am beyond tired of the rude and unthinking curiosity, let alone the advice I don't need and don't want.

How do I deflect all of this? I have tried "I really don't like to discuss my health issues," but that never works. Pleading "Can we please talk about something else?" seems to just confirm their false opinions that I am too lazy to try PT or that my surgeon was a quack.

GENTLE READER: "It's handy for when I have to defend myself."

Then, if they go on about what you should be doing, Miss Manners hopes you will smile when you ask, "Oh, dear, do I have to defend myself?"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can I send a simple Valentine's card to a man I admire, but from whom I do not expect a response? The card would just wish him a happy day, with no mention of love or romance.

He does not know me, but he has a high-profile public image, so I know of him. I would send it in care of a professional association he is involved with, not to his home address.

I have no intention of following up, although I did send another simple card 20 years ago to this same man in the same way. He thanked me in writing. We have never met.

I would like to sign my name, but I also don't want to creep him out. He is unattached, while I am in an unhappy marriage, which he would know nothing about. I am torn.

GENTLE READER: Why didn't you just send him a New Year's card? As you say, you wouldn't want to suggest that this is about love or romance.

If you can't fool naive Miss Manners, you may be sure that you will not fool the recipient. But as he is apparently a public figure of some sort, you may not be the first unhappy wife who has approached him. It was gracious of him to thank you the first time, but he does not seem to have suggested that you run away together.

So you are talking about fan mail. That seems harmless, although not flattering to your husband -- if you care, or he would.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whenever I finish my meals at a restaurant or club, I always fold my used cloth napkin into a square or rectangle and place it neatly on the table. My dear wife (my manners and social behavior critic for many years) now informs me that this is in bad taste and is evidence of a low-class upbringing.

Of course, I value the considerable judgment my wife has rendered over the years, yet every time I think I have solved the issues emanating from my lesser birth, something like this pops up. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: If not for that crack about being low-class, Miss Manners would have sided with your wife. The state of manners is not related to the state of one's finances. There are plenty of rude people up above, as we all know.

If anything, folding your napkin would suggest that your family used cloth napkins at dinner -- not a given for a long time now. Napkin rings would have been issued, and you would have been expected to place your napkin in yours neatly. Folding the napkin might also indicate that your family did not have a laundress, and so the napkins were used for several meals before washing, but that is hardly what one would call low-class.

However, when one is dining out, there is no question of the napkins' being reused. (At least, there should not be.) That is the reason not to attempt to make the napkins look as if they are fresh.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)