DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can I send a simple Valentine's card to a man I admire, but from whom I do not expect a response? The card would just wish him a happy day, with no mention of love or romance.

He does not know me, but he has a high-profile public image, so I know of him. I would send it in care of a professional association he is involved with, not to his home address.

I have no intention of following up, although I did send another simple card 20 years ago to this same man in the same way. He thanked me in writing. We have never met.

I would like to sign my name, but I also don't want to creep him out. He is unattached, while I am in an unhappy marriage, which he would know nothing about. I am torn.

GENTLE READER: Why didn't you just send him a New Year's card? As you say, you wouldn't want to suggest that this is about love or romance.

If you can't fool naive Miss Manners, you may be sure that you will not fool the recipient. But as he is apparently a public figure of some sort, you may not be the first unhappy wife who has approached him. It was gracious of him to thank you the first time, but he does not seem to have suggested that you run away together.

So you are talking about fan mail. That seems harmless, although not flattering to your husband -- if you care, or he would.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whenever I finish my meals at a restaurant or club, I always fold my used cloth napkin into a square or rectangle and place it neatly on the table. My dear wife (my manners and social behavior critic for many years) now informs me that this is in bad taste and is evidence of a low-class upbringing.

Of course, I value the considerable judgment my wife has rendered over the years, yet every time I think I have solved the issues emanating from my lesser birth, something like this pops up. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: If not for that crack about being low-class, Miss Manners would have sided with your wife. The state of manners is not related to the state of one's finances. There are plenty of rude people up above, as we all know.

If anything, folding your napkin would suggest that your family used cloth napkins at dinner -- not a given for a long time now. Napkin rings would have been issued, and you would have been expected to place your napkin in yours neatly. Folding the napkin might also indicate that your family did not have a laundress, and so the napkins were used for several meals before washing, but that is hardly what one would call low-class.

However, when one is dining out, there is no question of the napkins' being reused. (At least, there should not be.) That is the reason not to attempt to make the napkins look as if they are fresh.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Sometimes people will ask me for something, and then as soon as they hear the beginning of an answer that they didn't want, they interrupt and quickly insist that they were "just joking."

Take the co-worker who wanted me to work a shift for them (again), or the irresponsible family member who wanted to borrow more money. On the few occasions that I did agree to cover a shift at work or help a family member, the requests were never jokes.

What is the best way to tell someone "no" when we need to, and ask them to drop the "just joking" ruse?

GENTLE READER: Why? The ruse allows them to save face and for you to laugh it off rather than having to decline -- or actually give them what they want.

Sorry, but Miss Manners finds it to be an excellent cover and convenient solution for you. Second only to not being asked at all.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've graduated from school and started my first full-time, permanent job. I've never been happier. I have friends, lovely co-workers, and I truly enjoy my field. Also, after 27 years on this Earth, I am finally financially independent and free of my parents.

I don't want to bore you with the details, but suffice it to say that they were extremely controlling. They supported me financially, for which I am extremely grateful, but they made it clear that their support hinged on my absolute obedience. Part of my obedience was hiding the fact that I am a lesbian, because they are very homophobic.

I would like to put all of this in the past, and I've made some great steps! I have come out to everyone else in my life and established boundaries with my parents.

The trouble I'm having now is that my co-workers seem to find "How do you get on with your folks?" to be an appropriate getting-to-know-you question. I like these people and I assume they are trying to be friendly, but I have no idea what the appropriate response is.

Whether it is a peer or a boss, I find myself floundering for an answer that doesn't make me seem ungrateful to my parents or rude to the asker. Is it acceptable to just say that it's personal? Should I lie and say we get along well?

GENTLE READER: "They are doing quite well, thank you."

Yes, Miss Manners realizes that this does not strictly answer the question. But inquiring into the specifics of familial dynamics is impudent and prying -- and a line of questioning that most people would be happy to avoid answering themselves.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I feel very fortunate to be able to retire early. When people learn of my upcoming retirement, I'm often asked, "What will you do?"

I know it's a common question, but I don't think older people would be asked this question with the same subtext, which seems to indicate I must do SOMETHING.

I do have travel, hobbies and volunteer activities to pursue, but I don't plan to work again. What is a polite response to "What will you do?" that doesn't justify how I'll spend my time?

GENTLE READER: "Enjoy myself."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a single guy in his late 50s who enjoys recharging as a solo diner in restaurants. Sometimes I'll catch up on reading, other times I people-watch, and other times, I simply enjoy quiet time with myself. (Notice I did not say "by" myself.)

Could you please advise restaurant hosts that it is degrading to say, "Just one?" as I am approached to be seated? This has been a pet peeve of mine since I was the head host at a restaurant in my 20s: I taught my staff never to greet solitary diners with such a rude opening.

My response to the unaware and unthinking when this happens -- which is almost every time -- is, "Isn't one enough?"

Food for thought, dear Miss Manners. I'd certainly appreciate you passing this little nugget to those working in food service.

GENTLE READER: Sure -- if you can suggest a suitable substitution. Miss Manners notices that you pointedly did not, perhaps because it is such an innocuous thing to say.

She suggests, "Table for one?" since any inoffensive number can be plugged in there. Or even just, "How many in your party?"

But in the absence of this, it seems far more likely that your restaurant hosts are simply trying to assess where to seat you -- not shame you for being alone -- with their innocent use of the word "just" or "only." It is you who is attaching meaning to it.

And speaking of semantics, Miss Manners is afraid she fails to see a substantive difference between "with" and "by" myself, except that the former sounds much more salacious.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For many years, I wore my thick, curly red hair in a long mane -- sometimes down, sometimes pinned up in various styles. I recently chopped it off to just above my shoulders and I feel great about it!

However, I am receiving compliments that sit poorly with me: "What a cute cut; it's SO much more professional. I hated that bun you wore." "This is the best your hair has ever looked; I hope you never grow it back out."

Some of the commenters have taken it upon themselves to repeat the statement several times, and it's bumming me out. I LOVED my long hair and I may well grow it back out!

I also love my friends, and I would appreciate an appropriate response to let them know that the second half of their "compliment" is ruining the first half.

GENTLE READER: "I am sorry to hear that you thought I looked bad for so long. I also enjoy this new look, but I hope I won't disappoint you when I grow it out again." This way, Miss Manners assures you, they will be suitably forewarned not to be rude again.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wonderful daughter-in-law takes off her shoes when she walks into our house. My floors aren't pristine, and when we sit in the living room, she then puts her feet on the white wool upholstery.

I didn't say anything at first, when she was the girlfriend. Now they are married. We have a great relationship and I should be thankful for that and not make my furniture take precedence. But is there anything I can say at this point?

GENTLE READER: "We got you this pair of slippers."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)