DEAR MISS MANNERS: Sometimes people will ask me for something, and then as soon as they hear the beginning of an answer that they didn't want, they interrupt and quickly insist that they were "just joking."

Take the co-worker who wanted me to work a shift for them (again), or the irresponsible family member who wanted to borrow more money. On the few occasions that I did agree to cover a shift at work or help a family member, the requests were never jokes.

What is the best way to tell someone "no" when we need to, and ask them to drop the "just joking" ruse?

GENTLE READER: Why? The ruse allows them to save face and for you to laugh it off rather than having to decline -- or actually give them what they want.

Sorry, but Miss Manners finds it to be an excellent cover and convenient solution for you. Second only to not being asked at all.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've graduated from school and started my first full-time, permanent job. I've never been happier. I have friends, lovely co-workers, and I truly enjoy my field. Also, after 27 years on this Earth, I am finally financially independent and free of my parents.

I don't want to bore you with the details, but suffice it to say that they were extremely controlling. They supported me financially, for which I am extremely grateful, but they made it clear that their support hinged on my absolute obedience. Part of my obedience was hiding the fact that I am a lesbian, because they are very homophobic.

I would like to put all of this in the past, and I've made some great steps! I have come out to everyone else in my life and established boundaries with my parents.

The trouble I'm having now is that my co-workers seem to find "How do you get on with your folks?" to be an appropriate getting-to-know-you question. I like these people and I assume they are trying to be friendly, but I have no idea what the appropriate response is.

Whether it is a peer or a boss, I find myself floundering for an answer that doesn't make me seem ungrateful to my parents or rude to the asker. Is it acceptable to just say that it's personal? Should I lie and say we get along well?

GENTLE READER: "They are doing quite well, thank you."

Yes, Miss Manners realizes that this does not strictly answer the question. But inquiring into the specifics of familial dynamics is impudent and prying -- and a line of questioning that most people would be happy to avoid answering themselves.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I feel very fortunate to be able to retire early. When people learn of my upcoming retirement, I'm often asked, "What will you do?"

I know it's a common question, but I don't think older people would be asked this question with the same subtext, which seems to indicate I must do SOMETHING.

I do have travel, hobbies and volunteer activities to pursue, but I don't plan to work again. What is a polite response to "What will you do?" that doesn't justify how I'll spend my time?

GENTLE READER: "Enjoy myself."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a single guy in his late 50s who enjoys recharging as a solo diner in restaurants. Sometimes I'll catch up on reading, other times I people-watch, and other times, I simply enjoy quiet time with myself. (Notice I did not say "by" myself.)

Could you please advise restaurant hosts that it is degrading to say, "Just one?" as I am approached to be seated? This has been a pet peeve of mine since I was the head host at a restaurant in my 20s: I taught my staff never to greet solitary diners with such a rude opening.

My response to the unaware and unthinking when this happens -- which is almost every time -- is, "Isn't one enough?"

Food for thought, dear Miss Manners. I'd certainly appreciate you passing this little nugget to those working in food service.

GENTLE READER: Sure -- if you can suggest a suitable substitution. Miss Manners notices that you pointedly did not, perhaps because it is such an innocuous thing to say.

She suggests, "Table for one?" since any inoffensive number can be plugged in there. Or even just, "How many in your party?"

But in the absence of this, it seems far more likely that your restaurant hosts are simply trying to assess where to seat you -- not shame you for being alone -- with their innocent use of the word "just" or "only." It is you who is attaching meaning to it.

And speaking of semantics, Miss Manners is afraid she fails to see a substantive difference between "with" and "by" myself, except that the former sounds much more salacious.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For many years, I wore my thick, curly red hair in a long mane -- sometimes down, sometimes pinned up in various styles. I recently chopped it off to just above my shoulders and I feel great about it!

However, I am receiving compliments that sit poorly with me: "What a cute cut; it's SO much more professional. I hated that bun you wore." "This is the best your hair has ever looked; I hope you never grow it back out."

Some of the commenters have taken it upon themselves to repeat the statement several times, and it's bumming me out. I LOVED my long hair and I may well grow it back out!

I also love my friends, and I would appreciate an appropriate response to let them know that the second half of their "compliment" is ruining the first half.

GENTLE READER: "I am sorry to hear that you thought I looked bad for so long. I also enjoy this new look, but I hope I won't disappoint you when I grow it out again." This way, Miss Manners assures you, they will be suitably forewarned not to be rude again.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wonderful daughter-in-law takes off her shoes when she walks into our house. My floors aren't pristine, and when we sit in the living room, she then puts her feet on the white wool upholstery.

I didn't say anything at first, when she was the girlfriend. Now they are married. We have a great relationship and I should be thankful for that and not make my furniture take precedence. But is there anything I can say at this point?

GENTLE READER: "We got you this pair of slippers."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work on landscaping and grounds maintenance projects. On many occasions, I have encountered hidden house keys -- under the mat, beneath a flowerpot and so forth.

Should I mention my discoveries to the owners? It seems awkward to say, "I know where your keys are hidden."

GENTLE READER: The only reason Miss Manners can think of for mentioning it is if there is a problem with returning it to its original location -- for example, if the flowerpot is now broken and the key is lying exposed on the front porch, or if the owner just had you remove the flora that had served as a hiding spot.

She agrees that "I know where your keys are hidden" is not a good way to foster trust. Far better would be, "It worried me that this was in plain sight, and I wasn't sure what you would like done with it."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been diagnosed with a common ailment, but my body does not respond to the standard treatment. I must be very careful about what and when I eat. I am under a doctor's care.

Close friends have been accommodating, but in less familiar social situations, I find my lack of indulgence brings a spate of unwanted medical advice -- this, after demurely mentioning the name of the condition when pressed. I'm offered the names of "better" doctors, pharmaceuticals that cured Aunt Gertrude, behavioral advice (apparently I need to "get tough" with my doctor) and more.

What is a polite way to end this talk and turn the conversation to pleasanter topics?

GENTLE READER: Naming your medical condition, Miss Manners notes without satisfaction but also without surprise, made things worse. Stop supplying ammunition.

Instead, try for the following exchange when offered something you cannot eat.

"Would you like some?"

"Thank you, no."

"It's really good; you should try it."

"I'm sure it is, thank you, but no."

"You'll hurt my feelings if you don't have any."

"I certainly hope not -- you have been such an attentive host."

"Then you'll have some?"

"Thank you, no."

Eventually, the well will run dry.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What should an invitee do when an RSVP date is approaching and they are still not positive they can accept the invitation?

This has happened to me on occasion, due to unusual circumstances. Should I go ahead and decline, even though I would love to attend? Or perhaps call the host and explain the circumstances?

GENTLE READER: Please, oh please, oh please, do not call and explain the circumstances.

Your host has offered to entertain and/or feed you. Does it seem right to reciprocate by adding to their worries (not knowing how much food to buy or whether to invite another guest)?

The proper course of action is to decline politely. Once you have done that, Miss Manners raises no objection to a short explanation: "We would have loved to come to the party, but unfortunately we are still waiting for the hospital to schedule George's surgery." This leaves the decision about whether to replace you, or to extend the deadline, where it belongs: in the hands of the hosts.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)