DEAR MISS MANNERS: I teach at a small college where, before COVID, I would regularly meet prospective students and their parents in my office on campus.

Occasionally these parents are prominent in politics, and given the deep rifts in our political culture these days, I wonder how I should treat a parent whose positions are abhorrent to me.

I would welcome the student just as I would welcome anyone, and I would greet the parent distantly but politely, since while on campus I try to be nonpolitical. But if that parent were to extend a hand, can I -- and should I -- refuse to take it, perhaps with a polite "I can't shake your hand"?

GENTLE READER: If it would make you feel virtuous to do so -- and provided you do not state the reason, but rather allow it to be thought that there is some physical reason making it difficult for you to shake hands.

In other words, as long as you do not intrude your politics into the situation, embarrassing, if not infuriating, your student as well as the parents.

You are free to oppose these people and their views in the political arena. But to insult them personally is to set a standard of incivility and to compromise your commitment, as a professor, to settling differences through debate and not insults.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I grew up being told that one should always ask "What can I bring?" when invited for dinner. If the answer is "Just yourself" (the most polite response, I was told), always bring something anyway, such as a nice bottle of wine.

When I host dinners, I never expect anyone to bring anything. (Between you and me, I prefer if they don't, as I've got the meal planned. Although, if they do, I thank them.) But I have one friend who invites me to dinner, then responds to my "What can I bring?" with a detailed, lengthy shopping list: Bring this specific wine, bread from this certain bakery, this exact salad (with a linked recipe), etc.

That seems fine if it's a potluck dinner, but is it really OK to ask someone to bring $70 of liquor and groceries, and send them on a scavenger hunt, when inviting them over?

What's the best answer to "What can I bring?"

GENTLE READER: How about not asking the question? With all due respect to your upbringing, Miss Manners believes that it is time to stop this much-abused practice.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of many years has returned several birthday or "just because" gifts I have given her.

She returns the items a few months after she receives them, telling me she has no use for them or she doesn't care for the color. I put a lot of thought into these presents and I live on a fixed income. I feel shamed when she does this and don't say anything back.

Please tell me what, if anything, to say to her. I have stopped giving her gifts after the last one she returned.

GENTLE READER: But you have already solved the problem. Miss Manners agrees that people who do not appreciate getting presents should not be subjected to receiving them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have been together for over 40 years. We both are accomplished cooks and greatly enjoy hosting nice dinner parties for four or six guests. We have accumulated fine china, sterling silver and crystal over the years, and we enjoy setting a beautiful table and creating good food.

However, over the years, many of our guests have said how much they enjoyed the evening but that they could never reciprocate, as they cannot entertain in the style we enjoy providing. We respond that we love hamburgers on the grill, too, and that just getting together is the primary enjoyment.

Although our invitations are always eagerly accepted, and our friends seem to greatly enjoy the evening, even repeat guests over the years have failed to reciprocate. My spouse suggests we just "dumb it down," keep the sterling and crystal in the pantry and provide more simple fare. I do not agree, as this would greatly reduce our enjoyment in entertaining, but perhaps our more formal style has become obsolete in today's casual world. By the way, many of our friends are well-off, with beautiful homes.

Do we compromise our standards and give up what we enjoy doing? Or do we continue to be the frequent dinner party hosts and seldom, if ever, the guests?

GENTLE READER: Please tell your spouse that you need not "dumb down" your parties just because other people are rude.

Yes, Miss Manners knows that many will take exception to this, but she will remind them that your friends seem perfectly happy to enjoy your finery, even if they are baffled by how to entertain formally themselves. Decent people do not entertain merely to show up others. If your friends cannot find a way to reciprocate within their means, it is their problem, not yours.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We host my husband's sister and her husband for dinner at least once a week. Both of them have terrible table manners. While it bugs me, I could ignore it if it weren't for how it affects my children. When their aunt and uncle are over, the kids' own manners regress.

When I tell the children not to chew with their mouths open or to ask politely for more food, their response is always, "But Aunt Jessica doesn't have to do that!" or "Uncle Brian didn't say please!" Each time, the adults at the table look chagrined. (But not enough, it seems, to change their ways.)

Jessica and Brian are adults and I have no interest in parenting them or making them feel unwelcome at my house. Is it rude to respond to my children by saying, "I'm not their parents"? If so, is there a polite way to make it clear that the behavior is unacceptable from my children in front of people who are doing those same rude actions?

GENTLE READER: "Well, these are our rules." Miss Manners suggests that you practice saying this without overemphasizing the "our" -- or making eye contact with the true offenders.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son, who is 13, has a job mowing and weed-eating yards. He has started his own business: He bought his own equipment with saved-up birthday and Christmas money, and he keeps his business funds, spending money and savings in separate accounts. He sets his prices based on current fuel costs and the price of other parts and equipment, like weed-eater string.

Some of his clients are great-grandparents on his mother's side, who willingly pay what he charges. However, after doing a job for my grandfather, Peepaw asked him what he owed. When my son said, "$10," Peepaw promptly replied, "$10?? You'll take $5," and handed him $5.

My son is too respectful to have backtalked, but I'm a bit irritated. Is it wrong to say something? Is it wrong for my son to refuse to help in the future?

GENTLE READER: Since your son is already so savvy at business, you might educate him on one of its most important rules: Do not mix business with family.

His career seems to be taking off, so perhaps he can now steer away from providing services for family members, or make it pro bono for them in exchange for good references. Miss Manners assures him that what he initially loses in revenue, he will make up in the ability to ignore strong opinions he will no longer feel obligated to agree with.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently married a lovely gentleman who volunteers with a local Boy Scout troop. Several weeks after the wedding, I joined him at a scout family function. I was sitting among a group of friends and strangers, cheering for a group of boys participating in a ceremony with their mothers.

An unknown lady leaned over to me and said, "Just think, in 'X' number of years it will be you up there!"

My abdomen is certainly not flat, and I realized that this woman was assuming that I was already well along in pregnancy. I turned to her with a smile and said, "We won't be having children for several years yet, but I do look forward to having them someday."

A friend told me later that it was very rude of me to embarrass the lady like I did, though I felt, and still do, that my response was polite and appropriate. Was I incorrect and rude? Could Miss Manners please suggest a better way to tell someone that my figure and my family plans are none of their business?

GENTLE READER: "Perhaps."

This is not in answer to whether or not Miss Manners can suggest something, but rather a response to this woman's question. Yes, it may leave her wondering if the variable is that you are not pregnant -- or that you do not wish for your future child to be a Boy Scout. But that is an appropriate price to pay for making such a rude presumption.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)