DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my best friends decided, in her retirement, to write novels. She has already self-published one, which was dreadful, but fortunately I wasn't asked to weigh in on it.

Now she has sent me a draft of her second novel, which she has been working on for more than two years. This time, she asked me for feedback.

It is perfectly awful -- worse than her first book. I don't know what to say. I really value her friendship.

GENTLE READER: There is a question Miss Manners will need to ask first, and one she also directs at anyone who was about to counsel that honesty is always the best policy:

Was the request for feedback an honest question?

If your friend is only seeking praise -- and will likely argue with constructive criticism -- that is not a reason to lie, but it is a reason to consider what would be gained from an honest answer that alienates her without improving her writing.

It is also, perhaps, a reason to cast about for a hiding place. If we rule out changing your name and fleeing the country, the next-best advice may be to protest that you are not a writer; or, if you are, you are not a novelist; or, if you are, you are not a romance novelist; or, if you are ... well, at this point Miss Manners will rely on your own skills at fiction.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My good friend is having her first grandchild. She asked me to make a quilt for the baby, which I did. Quilts are not cheap, so I asked if it could be my gift to the baby. She was thrilled and said yes.

My daughter, who is friends with the mom-to-be, is upset that I am not buying a gift from the registry. Am I messing up?

GENTLE READER: For handcrafting a gift that took you some time and will be remembered by the family when the animated tummy mat is celebrating its tenth anniversary in the landfill -- instead of taking 15 seconds to check a box and push a button on a website? Miss Manners hopes not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: During my home renovation, at one point I put my contractor on speakerphone with a vendor so that they could discuss a certain product's technical specs. My contractor interrupted and was gruff with the vendor, whom I found to be courteous and helpful.

I didn't feel right "scolding" my contractor -- who was always polite to me -- but I also didn't feel good about how he spoke to the vendor. Is there anything I could have or should have done, either in the moment or afterwards?

GENTLE READER: As the employer, it is your good name on the line, so Miss Manners agrees that you have a duty to intervene when things go wrong. She also realizes that there may be relevant prior history of which the contractor is aware but you are not. She therefore advises starting with a question: "Is there a problem with this vendor? Is it something that you need my assistance on?"

Making a contractor aware that you are paying attention is often enough to save you the unpleasant necessity of explaining that you expect him and his employees to treat other workers with the same courtesy he has shown you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a delighted grandmother of seven. I don't live close to any of my grandkids, though, and for some of them, in-person visits only happen once every other year.

Like others in my position, I look forward to seeing as many pictures of these children as I can online, and there are pics all over my house that I printed out and framed. All of their parents have seen that I do this.

Nevertheless, at Christmas, the gift I always receive is a picture of the child/children that has already appeared online, printed and framed. Every year. I have come to think of this as insulting -- a gift of no consideration at all. Not only that, but every Christmas card is just another picture of them.

I long for the days when a Christmas card had a Christmas theme and sentiment, and could be displayed during the season. It was a lovely tradition to display all the pretty cards and reminders of the meaning of the season.

Instead, this makes me sad and resentful at the same time, and I hate feeling that way.

GENTLE READER: Are you suggesting that Christmas is about something other than self? Haven't you noticed that all of life is about being photographed living it?

Yes, yes, Miss Manners realizes that sometimes people like to see pictures of other people, especially when they are not expected to scroll through dozens of them. And as you testify, grandparents like to have pictures of their grandchildren.

Your family has registered that, although not that you are capable of getting these pictures online -- let alone that you might appreciate receiving a sweater or a book once in a while.

The next time they visit, you might point out the latest photos that you got from social media. Or you could just consider their presents as saving you the trouble of buying frames.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is getting married, and my wife is greatly offended because his aunts on my side of the family (my four sisters and two sisters-in-law) did not throw a wedding shower in his honor. They were invited to a bridal shower given by friends of the bride's family, and a group of women at our church who know my son well also gave a shower for the bride.

My son and I feel that the groom's family does not traditionally throw a shower, so we are not offended. My sisters do not know that my wife is upset. My wife feels that I am just taking my family's side and not supporting her. Am I in the wrong? Should I be offended as well?

GENTLE READER: If anyone should be offended, it should be Miss Manners, because etiquette is so often used, especially at weddings and funerals, as a weapon. Here, as usual, the alleged offense has nothing to do with the requirements of etiquette.

Relatives do not properly give showers (although they do so anyway), and showers are given for brides alone or with their bridegrooms -- not for a bridegroom alone.

Why your wife is using this misinformation to spoil for a fight with your side of the family is something you might want to find out. Or just have your son ask her not to use him as ammunition.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend gave me a pair of diamond earrings for Christmas. They are substantial in size. He also bought diamond jewelry for his daughters and mother.

Upon closer inspection, I saw that the earrings are set in silver, and I am quite sure they are not real diamonds. He is convinced that they are. That is the issue: He spent quite a bit of money, thinking he was buying diamonds.

I will wear them, regardless. But I feel bad knowing he has likely been scammed. I don't want to tell him, but at the same time, I hate to see him waste so much money on something he was fooled into believing was genuine.

Should I stay silent?

GENTLE READER: Have you never heard the adage, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth"?

Yes, you could have the jewelry appraised, find out how much the gentleman paid for it, and, if there is a great disparity, tell him that he was made a fool of.

Miss Manners fails to see what this would accomplish, aside from discouraging him from trying again to please you with presents.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a small business owner who has worked his tail off for the last 20 years to build a successful business. I have 20 employees, of whom five are full-time.

This Christmas, I gave cash bonuses ranging from $100 to $1,500 to my staff, with a handwritten note expressing my gratitude and thanking them for being a part of our team.

Of the 20, two of them sent me lovely thank-you notes, and one said "thank you" when I spoke with them over the phone. The other 17: silence.

I'm the kind of employer who never stops saying "thank you." I'm old-fashioned that way. But somehow, someone getting $400, $750 or even $1,500 can't even acknowledge receiving the gift, let alone thank me for it.

It felt good to me to give these gifts and I realize I should never expect thanks. But really, is this what we've become as a society? I am rethinking the gifts for next year if people will simply expect them. If that is how they feel, then it will become "profit sharing" with a strict formula for compensation.

Is thanks too much to expect? The two written notes I got really warmed my heart.

GENTLE READER: Nobody advocates giving written thanks more than Miss Manners does. This time of year, she is exhausted from battling those who claim that the pure joy of giving should make it unnecessary to know if a present was received, let alone appreciated.

And those two employees were wise: It is always a good idea to warm your boss's heart.

Nevertheless, she must point out that bonuses are not gifts. Even if not strictly mandated, they are, in fact, compensation for work -- presumably a reward for work well done. This is profit sharing, in the sense that people who contribute to the profits are given a share of them.

Now, if your nephew has failed to acknowledge the computer you gave him, Miss Manners is only too ready to denounce him.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)