DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work as a substitute teacher for an excellent local school system. I enjoy the assignments, for the most part, and like knowing that I'm contributing to public education. Schools can't function without substitutes.

It's not my primary source of income by a long shot, so I can choose where and if I want to work. I'm reliable, I read and implement lesson plans carefully, and I stay flexible to respond to the schools' needs. Contrary to stereotype, the kids are mostly manageable and often delightful.

My problem is that some adults seem to believe that "subs" are interchangeable widgets who can be treated with disregard.

Most teachers and administrators are helpful and pleasant, but a few are dismissive or flat-out ignore me. When I go to another teacher's classroom, perhaps to pull out a student for assigned tutoring, I always greet the teacher first and ask if this is a good time to take the student. Yet some staff will come into my room and interact with the kids without saying anything at all to me. Or they'll speak to my students with a version of, "I know you don't have a real teacher today ..."

Administrators can be even worse. I've had principals waltz into my classroom and engage at length with the kids while ignoring me completely. One told a class that she had never worked as a substitute, "since they're just warm bodies."

Children are highly observant and pick up on status cues quickly. If other adults treat the substitute like a piece of furniture, they will, too. And then the substitute has a miserable day and stops working at that school.

There's a shortage of substitutes in my district -- and nationwide. How about treating us as colleagues who are doing challenging jobs for low pay and helping to keep our schools running?

GENTLE READER: Those full-time teachers should know something about disrespect. Even the era when they were being given praise in lieu of decent salaries seems to be over -- the praise part, that is.

It should not be difficult to engage teachers and staff in sympathetic conversations about respect, to which you can add, "And disrespect is even worse for us substitutes -- sometimes we even get it from our own colleagues."

But Miss Manners realizes that you will also have to act as the authority in your classrooms, saying, "Excuse me, but we're having a class now" to anyone who interrupts.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 75-year-old male, and the widow lady next door (we are just good friends) has invited me for Thanksgiving, along with her family, who I don't really care too much for.

I accepted, but now I have another invite, which I would rather accept by far. May I cancel the first and accept the second?

GENTLE READER: Are you prepared to risk also canceling that good friendship with the lady next door?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should you ever ask guests to pay to come to dinner? Especially when the guests are the parents of the host?

GENTLE READER: Only if they billed the now-host for meals throughout his childhood.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law, in her 80s, has been dyeing her hair increasingly bright colors since the day she noticed her first gray strand. Frankly, I think she looks ridiculous, but she thinks she is the sexiest thing walking the face of the Earth, and of course I would never tell her otherwise.

She is happy. It is none of my business.

I have reached the age where I am beginning to go gray, and I am fine with this. I have never been one to pretend I am something that I am not, and I am no longer a young girl. I intend, to the best of my ability, to age with dignity and grace, and to embrace the beauty of every stage of life.

I have no intention of coloring my hair, ever. But my mother-in-law cannot leave it alone. She says I look ancient, that I am letting myself go, and if I would just dye my hair like hers, we could look like sisters. (Not one of my goals.)

How can I get her to accept that I am content with my appearance and not interested in coloring my hair, without telling her she looks like she set her head on fire?

GENTLE READER: "No, we still wouldn't look like sisters. You're so modern, and I couldn't possibly keep up with you. I'd just look silly trying."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I received a save-the-date from my nephew. His father, my brother, told me it's a small wedding. I figured as much, since my kids, the groom's cousins, hadn't received an invitation.

Based on the number of guests my brother mentioned, there won't be room at the wedding for many of the couple's friends. We aren't close to my nephew, and if we declined, they could probably invite some more friends.

Is it tacky to decline for this reason? Should I ask my nephew if he would like that, or should I ask my brother? Of course we would still send a gift.

GENTLE READER: You would be forcing them, if they have any family feeling or manners, to say how much they want you at that wedding. And Miss Manners gathers that you really don't want to go. So please just decline with thanks and good wishes. That present will emphasize your goodwill.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I suspect I know your answer even before you render it, but I feel compelled to ask anyway: Is there any proper way to eat leftover crumbs?

My usual breakfast -- toasted naan coated in olive oil and sprinkled with a variety of spices, minced vegetables and seeds -- usually leaves a bounty of delicious leftover crumbs on my plate, and I am reluctant to consign such a tasty, crunchy treat to the trash bin.

This is not an issue when I eat alone, but when I have houseguests, I don't want to offend them by using bad manners.

GENTLE READER: Then don't let them follow you into the kitchen when you clear the table.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am not an influencer. I use one social media platform to post about current events and humorous experiences, using it as a way to stay connected with far-flung friends and family.

An acquaintance aspires to be not just an influencer, but a thought leader. Indeed, she employs consultants who assist her in her multi-platform strategies. I wish her well, except when she plagiarizes something I've written. She makes minor changes, but when she uses my material, her posts have a voice distinctly different from her usual commentary.

Obviously, many people can have the same idea for a punchline about the news of the day, but this is wholesale appropriation.

GENTLE READER: Politely (and privately) call her bluff. "Funny how we keep posting the same joke. Maybe we should brainstorm and collaborate. What were you thinking of saying about the latest events in Myanmar?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have profound hearing loss, the result of a childhood illness some 50 years ago. I worked hard at learning to lip-read and also have had speech therapy, and now most people can't detect a difference between my speech and that of hearing-able people.

As a small business owner, I frequently meet new people, and I'm upfront about the hearing loss -- explaining the situation and asking that they look at me while talking.

Occasionally, someone will say, "You don't sound deaf." I admit that I find this rude, and it makes me feel defensive. I'd love to say something snarky in response, but fear it would reflect poorly on my business. I usually respond that I've had speech therapy and change the subject.

Do I continue to grin and bear it, or can you suggest a reply that will let them know that the comment is out of line without being mean?

GENTLE READER: "What? I'm not sure what 'sounding deaf' sounds like" -- followed by a quizzical look.

Presumably this will be enough to shame these rude people to silence. But if it does not, Miss Manners trusts that you will cut them off before they attempt to offensively demonstrate.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is marrying a lovely woman raised in a different religion from ours. Our family's religion considers tattoos to be taboo.

How can I gently suggest to my son's fiancee that she consider a gown where her large back tattoo will not be visible? I'm afraid all the guests of our religion will be focused on the tattoo and not the bride.

Am I being old-fashioned? My son and his fiancee are in their late 30s, so I'm unsure if it's appropriate for me to voice my concerns. How should I proceed?

GENTLE READER: Are you going to suggest that she stay away from summer outings, too? Because she is likely to want to enjoy them with her new family -- and that will no doubt require clothing that does not cover her back.

Miss Manners suggests you steer clear of this issue, as this couple is indeed grown up and can likely handle the attention. If you would like to be helpful, perhaps you can remind your family that the bride does not have the same tattoo restrictions in her religion.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)