DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law, in her 80s, has been dyeing her hair increasingly bright colors since the day she noticed her first gray strand. Frankly, I think she looks ridiculous, but she thinks she is the sexiest thing walking the face of the Earth, and of course I would never tell her otherwise.

She is happy. It is none of my business.

I have reached the age where I am beginning to go gray, and I am fine with this. I have never been one to pretend I am something that I am not, and I am no longer a young girl. I intend, to the best of my ability, to age with dignity and grace, and to embrace the beauty of every stage of life.

I have no intention of coloring my hair, ever. But my mother-in-law cannot leave it alone. She says I look ancient, that I am letting myself go, and if I would just dye my hair like hers, we could look like sisters. (Not one of my goals.)

How can I get her to accept that I am content with my appearance and not interested in coloring my hair, without telling her she looks like she set her head on fire?

GENTLE READER: "No, we still wouldn't look like sisters. You're so modern, and I couldn't possibly keep up with you. I'd just look silly trying."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I received a save-the-date from my nephew. His father, my brother, told me it's a small wedding. I figured as much, since my kids, the groom's cousins, hadn't received an invitation.

Based on the number of guests my brother mentioned, there won't be room at the wedding for many of the couple's friends. We aren't close to my nephew, and if we declined, they could probably invite some more friends.

Is it tacky to decline for this reason? Should I ask my nephew if he would like that, or should I ask my brother? Of course we would still send a gift.

GENTLE READER: You would be forcing them, if they have any family feeling or manners, to say how much they want you at that wedding. And Miss Manners gathers that you really don't want to go. So please just decline with thanks and good wishes. That present will emphasize your goodwill.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I suspect I know your answer even before you render it, but I feel compelled to ask anyway: Is there any proper way to eat leftover crumbs?

My usual breakfast -- toasted naan coated in olive oil and sprinkled with a variety of spices, minced vegetables and seeds -- usually leaves a bounty of delicious leftover crumbs on my plate, and I am reluctant to consign such a tasty, crunchy treat to the trash bin.

This is not an issue when I eat alone, but when I have houseguests, I don't want to offend them by using bad manners.

GENTLE READER: Then don't let them follow you into the kitchen when you clear the table.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am not an influencer. I use one social media platform to post about current events and humorous experiences, using it as a way to stay connected with far-flung friends and family.

An acquaintance aspires to be not just an influencer, but a thought leader. Indeed, she employs consultants who assist her in her multi-platform strategies. I wish her well, except when she plagiarizes something I've written. She makes minor changes, but when she uses my material, her posts have a voice distinctly different from her usual commentary.

Obviously, many people can have the same idea for a punchline about the news of the day, but this is wholesale appropriation.

GENTLE READER: Politely (and privately) call her bluff. "Funny how we keep posting the same joke. Maybe we should brainstorm and collaborate. What were you thinking of saying about the latest events in Myanmar?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have profound hearing loss, the result of a childhood illness some 50 years ago. I worked hard at learning to lip-read and also have had speech therapy, and now most people can't detect a difference between my speech and that of hearing-able people.

As a small business owner, I frequently meet new people, and I'm upfront about the hearing loss -- explaining the situation and asking that they look at me while talking.

Occasionally, someone will say, "You don't sound deaf." I admit that I find this rude, and it makes me feel defensive. I'd love to say something snarky in response, but fear it would reflect poorly on my business. I usually respond that I've had speech therapy and change the subject.

Do I continue to grin and bear it, or can you suggest a reply that will let them know that the comment is out of line without being mean?

GENTLE READER: "What? I'm not sure what 'sounding deaf' sounds like" -- followed by a quizzical look.

Presumably this will be enough to shame these rude people to silence. But if it does not, Miss Manners trusts that you will cut them off before they attempt to offensively demonstrate.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is marrying a lovely woman raised in a different religion from ours. Our family's religion considers tattoos to be taboo.

How can I gently suggest to my son's fiancee that she consider a gown where her large back tattoo will not be visible? I'm afraid all the guests of our religion will be focused on the tattoo and not the bride.

Am I being old-fashioned? My son and his fiancee are in their late 30s, so I'm unsure if it's appropriate for me to voice my concerns. How should I proceed?

GENTLE READER: Are you going to suggest that she stay away from summer outings, too? Because she is likely to want to enjoy them with her new family -- and that will no doubt require clothing that does not cover her back.

Miss Manners suggests you steer clear of this issue, as this couple is indeed grown up and can likely handle the attention. If you would like to be helpful, perhaps you can remind your family that the bride does not have the same tattoo restrictions in her religion.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR Miss MANNERS: My friend and I both have babies. When I was at her house and needed to change my baby's diaper, I asked if I could use her baby's changing table. She seemed a little surprised, but said yes.

I used my own diapers and wipes, and made sure to leave the area very clean. When I got home, I began to worry that asking to use another baby's changing station was a faux pas. Thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That any alternative would have been a far more unpleasant surprise. Nevertheless, Miss Manners suggests that next time you ask your baby to hold it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: During the particularly dark and dreary days of winter, I invited two couples to our home for an evening of chili and board games. I planned to serve an excellent white chicken chili that won my company's chili cook-off. (I worked for a large company and there was stiff competition! It was a pretty big deal for me at the time.)

One of the couples -- both the husband and the wife -- took time separately to ask me if I was seriously planning to serve beans when they came over. I tried to explain to the wife that it was my award-winning chili and that she would, hopefully, love it. She gave me a wilted look and said, "Really? Beans?"

I served a lasagna instead and vowed never to invite these rude people to my home again. I think the only appropriate response to a dinner invitation is to graciously accept or decline. The only exception is if there is a dietary condition that must be accommodated. Am I right, or am I being overly sensitive?

GENTLE READER: Having declared your menu ahead of time, you were under no obligation to change it based on your friends' critique. If they did not wish to eat beans, they could have declined. But Miss Manners agrees with your determination not to give them that chance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband was out of town, so I had an extra ticket to a play. I asked a lovely elderly friend of mine to go with me, and we had a wonderful time. After the play, she bought dinner at a nice restaurant for both of us.

Do I owe her a thank-you note for the dinner? I have not received a note from her for the play, and I don't want my note to come across as, "Hey, where is MY thank-you?"

GENTLE READER: You may consider things even, if that is the goal. But Miss Manners urges her readers not to think of a thank-you letter as transactional -- or as a weapon for admonishment.

You may easily write this one without it being a reprimand: "I so enjoyed going to the play with you, and thank you for the lovely dinner afterwards. Here's hoping we can do it again sometime soon."

And then either of you may issue the next invitation, out-of-town husbands notwithstanding.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)