DEAR MISS MANNERS: How can one respond when bumping into a friend they haven't seen in a year or so, and the first thing the friend says is, "Where have YOU been? You haven't been around in ages!"
The tone of voice suggests that I am hiding and being unsocial, when in fact the friend hasn't reached out to me, either, during that time. It puts me on the defensive to explain why I haven't been in touch with them.
I also experience this at a nonprofit organization where I have been a volunteer for years, helping out when my schedule allows. A couple of people who spend a regular amount of time there greet me with, "Oh, are you here to help today?"
Of course they know I am there to volunteer, and their catty tone suggests that they'd almost forgotten about me. Meanwhile, I have been at the organization longer than they have and even helped to train them! I just don't know how to respond to such remarks.
GENTLE READER: Though such greetings are understandably off-putting, Miss Manners notes that they gain the greeter nothing when they appear to slide off the recipient without effect. Whether this means responding with, "Oh, you know me -- busy, busy, busy!" or "Where have YOU been hiding? It really has been a long time" will depend on how much time and effort you wish to invest.