DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been a lawyer for almost 30 years. Over the last few years, more and more clients or potential clients have come into my office carrying coffee or some other drink.

Obviously this creates a potential for a spill or ring on my beautiful desk. Also, eating or drinking is inappropriate and rude in a professional office. I do not eat or drink when clients are present, and I am surprised that some people think this is acceptable. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That these days, owners of expensive desks, even when they are right, would do well to keep a supply of paper towels handy. But Miss Manners would allow you to say in a hospitable tone, "Why don't you sit down and finish that and then we'll talk," which they might do hastily, knowing that your time is billable.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a dear friend I've been close to for about 10 years. I was the maid of honor for her wedding and performed all my duties, like throwing the shower and the bachelorette party.

I told her that because I was tight on money at the time, throwing these parties and paying for the supplies would have to be my wedding gift, which she seemed absolutely fine with. Her 200+ guests all got her lovely gifts.

Now I am engaged, and because I am currently expecting, I am not working very much. My fiance isn't, either, as he is in the middle of a career change. We are having a small, intimate wedding, and are not expecting to receive many gifts, except from the few friends attending, of whom she is one.

I have said that we would have a tight belt for some time, and she often responds by laughing and saying she spends however much she likes because, fortunately, her husband makes plenty of money.

My registry came up the other day, and she told me that I had registered for many expensive items, and asked if there was anything she could buy me from elsewhere. (Multiple items on the registry are between $15 and $40, and she has told me before that she usually spends $40 on a shower gift.)

I was flabbergasted, hurt and offended. Am I in the wrong here? How should I respond without being petty and making the situation awkward?

GENTLE READER: When you say you are "not expecting to receive many gifts, except from the few friends attending," Miss Manners infers that you have misplaced your grammar and not your priorities.

Your desire is to deemphasize gift-giving, which, in company with good manners, limits how you can respond to your friend's question.

You can protest that you really do not want anything, you can refuse to provide any ideas for further acquisitions -- and you can repeat either or both as often as necessary.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an avid walker. I start my day with a walk fast enough to work my muscles and increase my heart rate.

I walk the streets in my neighborhood and frequently see neighbors out walking or strolling with their dogs. I acknowledge them with a friendly "Good morning," but don't slow or attempt to engage them in further conversation.

On occasion, folks will want to stop and visit, and while I'm very social and appreciative of their desire to be friendly, I don't want to break my routine or allow my pulse to slow.

Can I graciously disengage and keep moving without appearing to be rude or aloof?

GENTLE READER: You can graciously disengage yourself in any number of ways, from the "I'm sorry, but I really have to go" to the "I think I hear my mother calling."

But all of these options require time. What you really want is a method for not stopping, for which Miss Manners recommends acquiring a mental mindset of yourself as a ship that requires miles to stop: Wave and smile as momentum carries you out of range of your talkative neighbor.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have dozens of elderly clients, and many of them tell me, in detail, about their medical adventures. How do I politely shut someone down when they get into very graphic descriptions of illness and surgeries that, frankly, make my stomach churn?

I have respect for my elders and believe they deserve an ear, but it goes way too far when they share details concerning blood, pus, vomit and feces. Help!

GENTLE READER: "That sounds like information for your doctor, not me" would be better than "Ew!!!"

Nothing, however, will outperform the basic social skill of knowing how to change the subject gracefully: "Is there anything I can help you with?" Miss Manners trusts that they will understand that you cannot help them with their medical misfortunes.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our main weekend activity is dinner parties: informal, in someone's home, kids included. We have a large circle of friends who all entertain and like to be entertained this way.

Invitations are usually sent by text message. Let's say we issue an invitation on a Sunday for the following weekend. If that invitation is declined, we'll invite someone else.

But what if I don't hear back at all? I often receive an invitation from someone else before my own prospective guest has responded one way or another. And then I'm the person causing uncertainty in someone's weekend.

At what point am I free to assume my prospective guests are unavailable, and make other plans?

GENTLE READER: With a one-week invitation, half a week is more than enough time for a reasonable person to respond. If, after that time, no response has been given, Miss Manners suggests a follow-up that politely makes up their mind for them: "So sorry you can't make it this weekend. Let's reschedule."

If you think this will prompt a protest from the other end, you are free -- but not required -- to add an additional few hours between sending the above and accepting a conflicting invitation yourself.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a problem that was once unique, but more people these days are unfortunately facing it. I'm a retired teacher who spent my whole career at a school that is internationally famous for a mass shooting that happened before I retired. It is a horribly painful part of my life.

At a wedding last night, I went through something that has happened more times than I can count: The hostess introduced me to a guest by saying, "This is (my name). She used to teach at (school's name)."

The new acquaintance said, "Where were you when the shooting happened?"

I said, "In the building, but that's not a pleasant conversation for a wedding," and tried to change the subject. He followed up by asking about how I felt about another shooting involving elementary students.

Trust me: Nobody wants to know how I feel about that.

I said, "Oh, that's not really a good conversation for a wedding, either."

He got huffy and said, "You knew I had to ask."

This has happened at holiday parties, showers, all kinds of places. It's like all of my friends and acquaintances think this is a great way to start conversations between me and their other friends. It's not.

Do I talk to everyone whose invitations I accept and ask not to be introduced this way? How do I get people not to ask, and certainly not to keep pushing? It has ruined entire occasions for me that should have been happy.

GENTLE READER: Your problem is indeed those tasteless hosts. When introducing guests, it is helpful to provide a conversation starter -- but only if the guest wants to have that conversation.

Aside from choosing more sensitive friends, you must stop such announcements by saying firmly, "That is not something I care to discuss." Or, in today's parlance, Miss Manners might resort to "I don't think you want to trigger that memory."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I came of age in the early 1980s, and I have never heard of anyone in my generation, or the previous one, asking a lady's father for permission to propose marriage. And yet nowadays, the question of whether to do so comes up with surprising regularity in advice columns and online.

Has the custom undergone a revival in recent years, or was I mistaken to think that it had died out back then?

GENTLE READER: This was never a very useful custom, as Miss Manners recalls. Any self-respecting Victorian girl would have known how to make her father's life a burden to him if he tried to drive away a favored suitor.

But now that its uselessness is blatant, it has acquired a certain charm -- like the surprise proposal in a couple who have long since established a household and debated making it legal. Or, for that matter, a father "giving away" a bride who is obviously independent of his jurisdiction.

Miss Manners would consider these quaint trappings harmless, but only up to the point when they are used as a serious requirement.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)