DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a lawyer of some age, having had a license for more than 40 years. I often have to address written communications to female colleagues.

When I began practicing, it was observed that the title "Esq." was exclusively for male lawyers, no females having been squires. In letters, females were addressed as "Atty." Those who inquired were told that the female version of "Esq." was "Good Wife."

Now, my habit of referring to women as "Atty." has come under fire, notably when I upbraided a woman for listing herself with the honorific "Esq."

The dictionaries now state that it is a unisex term. I'm not so sure. What does Miss Manners think about using the term "Esq." after a woman lawyer's name?

GENTLE READER: That it is no sillier than using it after the names of male lawyers. You aren't squires, either -- hereditary country landowners or medieval attendants on knights.

Presumably, the custom of using this was adopted to assert that lawyers were gentlemen, as they were not always thought to be among those who rated gentlemanliness by birth. But it has always struck Miss Manners as odd in a country where we never thought an honest, working professional needed to proclaim "gentle" status.

Why you would want to provoke your colleagues by upbraiding them and suggesting the obsolete term "Good Wife" (which referred to a manager, such as a landlady), Miss Manners cannot imagine. If she were your lawyer, she would advise you to stop this right now, before you get into serious trouble.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 36-year-old stepdaughter sent me a large, glossy postcard featuring her and her new boyfriend grinning into the camera while on vacation -- as a condolence card for the death of my younger brother.

On the back of the postcard, she wrote that she was "thinking about" me. She never mentioned my brother's name, the fact that he died tragically and far too young, or that he left small children.

Seven years ago, her then-boyfriend drowned. I traveled to be with her, and devoted a great deal of love and emotional energy to her healing.

I am hurt and angry at her behavior. Please help me navigate this with honesty. I want her to know I am hurt, I want to be clear about why, and then I want to get on with things.

What I very much don't want is to deny my hurt because if I do, it will come out in ways that are not healthy when I am around her. (This does not happen too often, since she lives on the other side of the country.)

GENTLE READER: What are the chances of your teaching manners, let alone compassion, to your grown-up, out-of-town stepdaughter?

And what are the chances of her turning defensive and further infuriating you by saying that you are too sensitive?

Miss Manners believes that you should let this one go. No good will come from your initiating such a conversation. But you will not be able to help being cool with the offender when you see her, and perhaps she will be sensitive enough (sensitivity not being a bad quality to have) to inquire why.

In that case, you could say quietly, "I had hoped for more sympathy from you when my brother died."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a female medical professional. I advise patients on nutritional and dietary matters relating to their efforts to lose weight for health reasons. I also happen to be naturally quite slender.

Occasionally when I meet a patient (most of whom are women), she will comment, "You're so skinny!" Or, in the course of a consultation, "Well, I'll never look like you!"

These well-meant remarks make me feel awkward and interfere with my ability to build rapport. I usually just weakly smile, mumble something like, "Well, you know ..." and try to return to the topic at hand. Can you suggest a better way to handle these unnecessary comments?

GENTLE READER: "We are each on our own path to good health, and it is pointless to make comparisons. Let's focus instead on you and your unique goals."

Out of compassion, however, Miss Manners suggests that you refrain from emphasizing your own good fortune by not eating a whole pie in front of these ladies.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am irked at the use of the phrase "You're fine." It seems to be used in the context of reassuring me that I haven't done anything wrong, but often in a situation in which they have.

For example, if someone is blocking the aisle in the grocery, and I politely say, "Excuse me," they might move but respond with, "You're fine."

Or, when explaining to a customer that she would need her ID to renew her membership card, she said that she would need to go out to her car to get it. I reiterated that she would need to bring the ID in, and I got a response of "You're fine."

Perhaps this is the millennial version of what Miss Manners refers to as a convention. Am I being too prickly?

GENTLE READER: No, you're fine.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am pregnant with my second child and want to have a party to celebrate this. I missed out on a baby shower with my first: I was hospitalized at six months and had my son a month later (two months early), so he was in the hospital for a while.

Luckily he is very healthy, but it was very rough for a while, and we never had a shower. I would really love to have that experience and am not interested in presents, just a celebration.

Would this be tacky? And how would I word an invitation to convey this is a celebration and not about presents?

GENTLE READER: What you are describing is not a shower -- one should not shower oneself -- but more of an arrival party.

Miss Manners therefore suggests you wait until the baby's arrival to do it. The invitation may be worded, "Please come to meet our new daughter, Willow Grace, on Sunday, August 7, 10 a.m. to 2 p.m."

Your guests will probably bring presents anyway, but it will not feel quite so mandatory as at a shower.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I grew up without any extra money, and now I make a good living. When I inform someone excitedly that the gift I gave them was expensive, it's because I am proud of my affection towards that person and want to share my affection with them verbally.

I realize there are more polite means. However, I am happy to give gifts that I worked hard to pick out. In other words, those words have slipped out of me when I'm feeling quite loving.

GENTLE READER: Bragging about the cost of a present creates an effect that is far from loving, Miss Manners assures you. And it may unduly tempt the recipient into trading it in for the cash.

The polite thing to do is to let the receiver notice its value -- and for you to modestly demur: "Oh, I know a diamond tiara seems like a lot, but I couldn't help myself. It just screamed 'you' to me."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a group of male friends I genuinely like and with whom I enjoy spending time. None of them expends the effort to organize gatherings, so that chore has largely fallen to me; otherwise we would get together quite infrequently.

They acknowledge this inequality, and even pass it off as me being "so good at it." I grudgingly accept this role in order to continue having these enjoyable gatherings. Events could consist of drinks out at a bar or something at my house, such as talk around a fire or watching a sporting event.

But a certain practice has become irksome: There are some in the group who will ask who else has been invited, or who has accepted, before they will decide on their attendance. (There are no hard feelings among the group and everyone gets along with everyone else.)

I find this insulting. Am I being too sensitive? How can I respond without seeming petty?

GENTLE READER: "If I am going to be the organizer, then I get to make the rules. If someone else would like to do the honors, complete with fielding questions and follow-ups on Party Paul's attendance and whereabouts, you are welcome to it."

A tad petty, Miss Manners concedes, but not overtly so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a slight case of allergies and occasionally let out a sudden sneeze, which I discreetly attempt to muffle. Those around me sometimes counter with "God bless you," "Gesundheit" or the like, to which I give a polite nod.

However, there is one person who will bolt upright with alarm whenever I sneeze and exclaim "Well, excuse you!" or, "Why didn't you give us some warning?!" making everyone stare at me further.

Frankly, it's an awkward situation and I'd rather not have any additional attention, particularly as I'm scurrying for a tissue. How should I respond?

GENTLE READER: "Believe me, if I had had any warning myself, you would have been the next to know."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)