DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the correct way of wording for my wedding invitations? I don't want to be rude and just put, "Please RSVP so we can have a head count for the food."

GENTLE READER: Could we retire the term "RSVP" (correctly punctuated as "R.s.v.p.")? It has confused even you. Your "please" is redundant, as that is what the s.v.p. stands for.

And neither you nor Miss Manners wants to give anyone the excuse of claiming not to understand.

Why are we saying it in French, anyway? The correct English version is, "The favor of a reply is requested."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I had lunch with a friend, it became clear that she had missed plucking a long, coarse hair on the front of her chin. She is 75 years old, but most would assume she's 55-60. She is always stylish and well-groomed.

Given her age, I am guessing she just didn't see it, as she might have when she was younger. She noted that her longtime partner was away for the season, so he hasn't been there to point it out to her.

If someone had spinach caught in their teeth, I would let them know in a subtle manner, as I would hope they would for me. Letting someone know they have a stray hair they missed on their chin seems quite harder. And while I would certainly want someone to let me know, I was at a loss on how to address it, if I should at all.

GENTLE READER: The spinach rule, which assumes that the problem can be fixed instantly, does not apply here, as Miss Manners doubts that your well-groomed friend packs tweezers when going out to lunch.

So if you were to say anything, it should not be until you know she is headed home, where a well-groomed lady would have a magnifying mirror as well as tweezers. And what you would say would be, "Is that something caught on your chin?"

However, do you really need to say anything? Is it that unsightly? Is the partner eventually returning? More importantly, do you know your friend well enough to judge whether she would be grateful or embarrassed?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the business world, I have seen letters and emails signed with "Sincerely Yours," which I believe to be a more personal closing. I have changed my closing statement to "Respectfully Yours." Your thoughts on this matter?

GENTLE READER: It's not that we don't respect our business associates, but traditionally, "Respectfully yours" (no need to capitalize the "yours") is reserved for the highest officials of state or religion, and "Sincerely yours" is, as you note, for social contacts to whom you would not send love and kisses.

"Yours truly" is the correct signoff for business correspondence.

Of course, nobody except Miss Manners remembers these phrases, let alone the distinctions among them. People today are "best"-ing one another, often without specifying whether these are best regards or best wishes. That is all the more reason that your correspondents may be impressed with the dignity of using formal language.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Occasionally I receive postcards in the mail, and when my roommate gets the mail, he will inevitably read them. I know he reads them because he will ask detailed questions about the contents of the sender's message.

When I pointed out that this was essentially reading my mail, he said that nothing private would be written on a postcard anyway, and so it's OK for him to read it. This is true to a certain extent, but not always.

Is it rude to purposely read someone's postcards and comment on them? Is it better, if you read them, to at least pretend you didn't?

GENTLE READER: The rule is clear: Do not read other people's mail. And yes, that applies not only to postcards and letters, but also to email, texts and little notes tucked into lunchboxes.

Miss Manners would think that it should be obvious to anyone living in the 21st century that these forms are not safe from snoops. They can easily be forwarded or photographed, if not steamed open.

So your own personal snoop is right that it is unwise to put anything confidential on a postcard -- or in any writing.

But he is wrong in his conclusion. If it is unwise to leave your car unlocked because it could easily be stolen, that does not make it all right for someone to steal it.

And, as you point out, your roommate should at least be ashamed enough to pretend that he had not snooped.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it unreasonable to expect some amount of privacy at a restaurant table?

Every once in a while, I have encountered people who loudly talk to complete strangers (judging by their questions) at other tables. They might even call out to someone who is halfway across a large dining room.

Most recently, my partner and I were trying to eat lunch with my visiting relative, but a man at a nearby table kept asking the relative questions, as if my partner and I were not even there.

GENTLE READER: Your question, Miss Manners presumes, is not so much whether it is reasonable, but how to get rid of the intruder with something more polite than "Buzz off."

That would be: "Would you excuse us, please? We have matters we want to discuss."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who colors her own hair and has offered to do mine. She considers herself an expert, and her own hair clearly requires some work to keep up, but she is not a professional.

My hair gets some fairly complex but infrequent attention from a colorist who is not cheap, though the result may appear to be my natural color. (This friend began by asking me if I'd ever considered coloring my hair.)

I know she is trying to be generous, but I'm pretty particular about my hair. Is there a diplomatic way to get out of this without seeming to insult her abilities?

GENTLE READER: You have a choice here of ways to say no, depending on whether -- as a matter of maintaining your privacy or sparing her embarrassment -- you want to let her know that she missed the fact that your hair is already colored.

Both ways begin with "You are very kind, but ..."

One option, the simplest, concludes with, "... I go to a colorist who has been very good." Another ends with, "I prefer to leave my hair the way it is."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother and I agree that we are very much NOT fans of registries -- wedding, baby or otherwise -- and find them rude. For my part, I can understand the idea behind them, but I still find them tacky.

My brother and sister-in-law have created a baby registry ahead of their shower and it is, in our opinion, outrageous with a capital O. Along with big-ticket items costing several hundred dollars, there are also specific children's book titles, loads of stuff no child would ever need at any age, and what I call "grocery store items" such as petroleum jelly and plastic bags!

My mother, especially, is super embarrassed about having her friends and relatives who will be invited to the shower see this registry.

Conversations with the parents-to-be go nowhere, especially since we feel we should tread lightly in the first place. The expectant parents think it is completely reasonable and don't understand how it could be offensive.

Is there a way to curtail any judgment on the part of our friends and relatives who will see this registry? I suggested to my mom that she just tell her friends/family in advance that it is coming, it is ridiculous, and that she finds great shame in it.

Added info: Our immediate and extended families come from much more modest means than my sister-in-law's.

GENTLE READER: Well, then they get first dibs on the plastic bags ... would be your sister-in-law's (still very rude) justification.

While Miss Manners has sympathy for your situation, she assures you that telling your friends and relatives of your family's impending shame is not the best way to celebrate this new baby's arrival. Just as you, your mother and Miss Manners have endured countless rude registries, so have these guests -- and they know by now to ignore them or resentfully succumb.

As etiquette mercifully dictates that no family member host a shower, no one will be blaming your mother. You may gently remind your brother and sister-in-law of that fact, when they undoubtedly ask her to throw it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A dear friend of mine began sending me gifts for my birthday a few years ago. We had never previously exchanged gifts at all.

After the first gift, I sent a thank-you note, and, when my friend's birthday arrived, I sent a long letter and some pictures, hoping that she would take the hint that I would prefer not to exchange gifts. As senior citizens, we both thankfully have all that we need and more.

Her gifts are increasing in extravagance. Is it rude to ask someone to not send gifts? I appreciate my friend's generosity, but I don't want to enter into what may become an escalating gift exchange.

GENTLE READER: You do not have to reciprocate in kind, especially if the culmination of this journey will result in matching sports cars. Miss Manners suggests, instead, that you continue sending cards and letters. Eventually your friend will get tired of the one-sided expenditures.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)