DEAR MISS MANNERS: An acquaintance at my gym stopped me and said, "Oh, I DO wish you hadn't had your hair cut!"
Not having heard her well, I said, "I'm sorry?" She repeated it. "Excuse me?" I then said, to indicate offense. Thinking I still hadn't heard her, she repeated it once more. "I'm not quite sure how to respond to that," I replied.
She then waxed poetic about how beautiful my hair had been and how she loved seeing it swing as I walked on the treadmill. This was slightly strange, as my hair has been short for 15 years and I had only had it trimmed.
Eager to be free from the conversation, I replied, "I'm sorry to disappoint!" and then fled. A week later, she found me doing exercises on a mat with my eyes closed, and blurted out, "I did not mean to critique your haircut. I simply wanted to tell you I loved your hair. You have beautiful hair! I am envious!"
"Thank you," I said, with a solemnity meant to discourage her from initiating further conversation.
Now I'm feeling a bit guilty for having taken offense, as I think she was simply clumsy, not intentionally offensive. What do you feel would have been the proper response?
GENTLE READER: Guilt seems to Miss Manners an extreme reaction when the other person was rude -- even if unintentionally -- and you were not. But if you wished to soften your already-proper response, you could, in the second encounter, have explained that you did not mean to suggest that you were offended -- merely surprised.