DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a voice-enabled speaker, and for the most part, it is a useful delight throughout the day. But I do have one gripe, to which I cannot find a resolution.

It used to be that when the timer alert went off, I could say "thank you" and hear some variant of "you're welcome" in return, and then the alert would stop. Now I still hear the "you're welcome," but the alert continues.

I have searched for a solution online and found nothing. It feels so much less polite, not to mention less friendly, that I must say "Stop."

I realize that you are not tech support. But can you please help?

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners shares your frustration, she remains conflicted about the need to be polite to robots (she feels no remorse about hanging up on them, for example).

But she agrees that when it is one's constant companion -- and particularly in the presence of children -- such devices should be treated with civility. She therefore adds her hope that the people in charge of programming these things can find more polite ways for us to converse. And while they're at it, perhaps they can find a more polite way of getting a device's attention than yelling "Hey!"

In the meantime, you can always add a "please" to your "stop."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to lick your fingers while eating fried chicken in public?

GENTLE READER: Only if you are endorsing it on television.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend asked me to drive her across town to a medical appointment. I did not say no, but told her I really don't like to drive across town, especially through downtown. She got mad and said she would ask a neighbor.

She has held a grudge for months now, and several times she has mentioned that she's buying something for someone who helped her out. She comments on "what good friends she has" who will "do anything for her."

I feel this is a dig at me. The other day, she said, "I won't ever ask you to do anything again because you told me no." We then had an argument and are no longer speaking. Am I wrong? Should I apologize?

GENTLE READER: It is likely not the fact that you said no, but the casual manner with which you effectively said "I don't feel like it" that your friend found so offensive.

Miss Manners is not encouraging you to lie, only that it is unnecessary to disclose the entire insulting truth. She wishes that she could persuade her Gentle Readers to stop "just being honest" and to start using the phrase, "I am afraid that I can't." Unnecessarily hurt feelings are so often the result of the former.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I often eat at restaurants alone, and I enjoy the solitude. However, strangers at a nearby table will often start conversations with me, wanting to keep talking throughout my entire meal. Is there a polite way to tell them I'm not interested in chit-chatting with them?

GENTLE READER: Bring a book, which has a heavier presence than a telephone. And then when you are ready to end the conversation, smile and say that you must get back to it. Even, Miss Manners suggests, if its pages are blank.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the past several years, I've received graduation announcements from perhaps half a dozen high school seniors whose parents I know. I've sent them my congratulations as well as a modest cash gift. Not one of them has acknowledged or thanked me.

Is it wrong to give up on the future graduates of my acquaintances and decide not to acknowledge any new announcements? Is it wrong to punish them for the rudeness of their predecessors?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but it is so tempting. No doubt they found your modest donation unworthy of their thanks, if they even recognized the need for it.

But Miss Manners assures you that you do not need to test that theory by increasing the amount. Perhaps instead, you can send any future graduates your heartfelt congratulations only -- and leave them shaking out the letter in vain.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to ask, on a first date, "What kind of car do you drive?"

GENTLE READER: Only if it is in order to identify it when they pick you up for a second one.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I convince a dinner guest to please sit down and NOT insist on cleaning my kitchen after a meal?

It happened again last night. I worked a full day, came home, worked with my spouse to create a nice meal, enjoyed some entertaining dinner company, and then was ready to do some rudimentary cleaning and leave the rest until the next day.

But one of the guests insisted, despite my entreaties, on taking over my sink and cleaning every last dish (very slowly!). I had to stand in the kitchen, attempting to "help" -- hard to do when someone else has taken over the sink -- while listening to my other guests' gales of laughter in the living room.

Really, I can clean the kitchen anytime, but the reason I have guests over is to enjoy their company. I don't feel I can abandon one of my guests to scrub away in the kitchen while I go sit with the others and enjoy the reason I invited them over in the first place.

Last night my feet were hurting from a full day of work, and by the time I was finally able to go sit with my other guests, they were getting ready to leave. And that's to say nothing of the fact that my guest had cleaned things "wrong," according to my way of doing things (putting good knives in the dishwasher, etc.).

How does one convince a dinner guest that one would REALLY, REALLY rather that they leave the dishes and come join the party?

GENTLE READER: "No, no, you are so kind, but I forbid it. Please go enjoy the other guests, as I plan to do. I promise you that if there are still dishes left in the sink tomorrow, you can come back and clean them then."

And then Miss Manners suggests you close the kitchen door, throw yourself in front of it or put up the doggy-proof gate for added emphasis.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the youngest of three brothers. My oldest brother and I have never gotten along, and one of the many issues at the core of the disagreement was my coming out many years ago.

I have been with my partner for 32 years, and we married 12 years ago. We had a small, lovely wedding and, out of courtesy, my brother and his wife were invited. We did not receive any recognition of the invitation. When he heard that a cousin had attended, his remark to me was, "I didn't realize it was a real wedding."

He has six children, and one of his sons is now getting married. In the past, I have been within earshot of this nephew spouting homophobic comments. (Normally, I only hear from him when he is raising money for something.) I recently received a "Save the Date" for his wedding. The preprinted envelope had my last name wrong, and the address was also incorrect -- reducing a four-digit number to just three digits. I am really surprised the envelope made it to my mailbox. My spouse's name was nowhere to be found.

I have no intention of going to this wedding, but how do I address the fact that they got my last name and address wrong? My preference is just to ignore the whole situation -- and imply that the mislabeled envelope had ended up in the dead-letter file and that I never received it. Is this an acceptable response?

GENTLE READER: The proper response to an unwelcome wedding invitation is a neutral letter regretting the fact that you will not -- for unnamed reasons -- be able to attend.

But Miss Manners believes you knew that. Ignoring the letter will be interpreted as what it is: retaliation. The possibility that it confused the post office is a defense for later, not an explanation for now.

Would it not be more satisfying to be formally correct, spelling and all?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The phrase "Can I borrow you?" has always made me feel awkward, as if I were a lawnmower or a ballpoint pen that happens to be useful at the moment.

Am I being too sensitive, or is this actually rude? I'm happy to help, but is there a good way to respond to this query that doesn't reinforce the use of the phrase?

GENTLE READER: The phrase is familiar -- both in the sense of being commonplace and of being informal. Miss Manners uses the second sense when she agrees that there is a low-level rudeness in preserving the cheeky informality of the playground into adulthood.

As the implied comparison to an inert object is presumably meant to be humorous, rather than insulting, she recommends against an aggressive response. At most, you might say that you would be happy to help tomorrow -- today you are still on loan to grandma for help with her computer.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)