DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the youngest of three brothers. My oldest brother and I have never gotten along, and one of the many issues at the core of the disagreement was my coming out many years ago.
I have been with my partner for 32 years, and we married 12 years ago. We had a small, lovely wedding and, out of courtesy, my brother and his wife were invited. We did not receive any recognition of the invitation. When he heard that a cousin had attended, his remark to me was, "I didn't realize it was a real wedding."
He has six children, and one of his sons is now getting married. In the past, I have been within earshot of this nephew spouting homophobic comments. (Normally, I only hear from him when he is raising money for something.) I recently received a "Save the Date" for his wedding. The preprinted envelope had my last name wrong, and the address was also incorrect -- reducing a four-digit number to just three digits. I am really surprised the envelope made it to my mailbox. My spouse's name was nowhere to be found.
I have no intention of going to this wedding, but how do I address the fact that they got my last name and address wrong? My preference is just to ignore the whole situation -- and imply that the mislabeled envelope had ended up in the dead-letter file and that I never received it. Is this an acceptable response?
GENTLE READER: The proper response to an unwelcome wedding invitation is a neutral letter regretting the fact that you will not -- for unnamed reasons -- be able to attend.
But Miss Manners believes you knew that. Ignoring the letter will be interpreted as what it is: retaliation. The possibility that it confused the post office is a defense for later, not an explanation for now.
Would it not be more satisfying to be formally correct, spelling and all?